Saturday, September 30, 2006

A Tip of the Hat to Jack Abramoff for having made
485 contacts with Bush Administration officials
without ever influencing them. That takes talent.
Scour the Earth, and you will not find animals more
indolent than panda cubs.
Paraglider Miscalculates,
Lands Atop Sun
House Majority Leader John Boehner Showing How Long a
Member of Congress Has to Be Before It Passes the 'Mark
Foley Overly-Friendly Test'
Tambourine Man
President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva is known in Brazil
as 'The Godfather of Soul Kisses'.
When you are aboard this vehicle, your speed is measured
in hours per mile.
"Tsk! Tsk! It's a shame Babe fell for that
sales pitch claiming pigs could fly."
Oaxacan People's Popular Assembly Bartender
Mixing Molotov Cocktails for Unhappy Hour

Friday, September 29, 2006

Bob Woodward Launches Sneak Attack
on George Bush
Gary Beacom's prize-winning freestyle routine
is called "Tony Snow Responds to a Question."
Presidential Seal Working On Its Latest Watercolor,
Dysfunctional White House in Plum and Teal
Locusts flew into Cancun,

and local chefs turned them into a gourmet appetizer.
Moral: you can always turn a sow's ear into a silk purse.
When Barney heard the President say, “I will not withdraw from Iraq,
even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me," he
whispered to Flat Stanley, "Don't tell George, but I wouldn't support
him even if he was falling face first into a steaming pile of dogshit!"
Secretary Rice Thoughtfully Contriving Her Next Lie
Retired General Assails Secretary Rumsfeld's
Manhood; Claims It Is a National Disaster
Boris Yeltsin Comes Out of the Walk-In Closet
George and Saddam Roasting in a Rare Medium Well Done
Saltwater Crocodile Does a Tail Stand Upon Hearing
Congress Has Voted to Feed Him the Constitution

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Though loath to admit it, scientists genuinely
enjoy tormenting tarantulas.
Governor Riley and President Bush were quite impressed
with the attendant's skill in operating a gas pump.

Since this miniature mosque is made out of 550 lbs.
of chocolate, would it be sacrilegious to eat it?
If so, that might make it doubly irresistible.
"Looks like you need to apply HeadOn directly
to your forehead."
Loosely interpreted, this work of Iranian conceptual
art means, "This is not an atomic bomb."
Fouad Siniora, Prime Minister of Lebanon, denies he
is a secret agent for Paramount Pictures.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Disillusioned Donor to the Republican Party
Trying to Get His Money Back
Bodybuilding is big in Kabul these days. Although the Governor
of California is their favorite role model, Afghani bodybuilders
don't believe you have to be a Republican in order to attract girls
and become a 'love man'.
Close-up of GOP Fundraiser
Measuring just three millimeters square, The Wit and
Wisdom of George Bush is small enough to be shelved
in your holler tooth.
When in Shanghai, be sure to check out U Dirty Dog,
mobile pedicure service.
Researchers Claim to Have Seen Photograph of
Artist's Rendition of Ivory-Billed Woodpecker
Raul Gonzalez is not worried by press criticism
of his extraordinary appendages.
"And the time you shot the alligator and said,
'You're luggage!' That really blissed me out!"

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

"No, Mr. President, it wouldn't have helped if you had said
the Iraq war will be viewed as just a semicolon."
Undersecretary of State Nicholas Burns is able to
put less truth into more words than anyone else
born in 1956.
In the hands of an assassin, the tennis racquet is
a lethal weapon.
Man Kissing His Own Ass

Monday, September 25, 2006

While vigorously denying he had threatened
to bomb Pakistan back to the Stone Age,
Richard Armitage got so agitated he
shoved his left index finger up his nose
and into his brain.
Masato Naito is the world's premier
Hurdle Crawler.
Sales are brisk for the new retrospective CD,
I Remember Osama.
Does she ... or doesn't she? Hair color so natural only
Cherie Blair's hairdresser knows for sure.
Tension mounts as Hugo and George struggle to
decide who will be King of the Stag Beetles.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

When he saw Bill Clinton whup up on
Chris Wallace in the Fox News interview,
Andre Agassi wept openly at the sight of
such carnage.
Fernando and Rafael always make the
most out of Hump Day.
When he has 259 drinking straws in his mouth,
Marco Hart really sucks.
In golf, this is known as the Ten-Finger
Wanker Grip.
Lucy, 3 million BCE
Lucy, 2006 CE