Saturday, November 22, 2008

Down deep, the President wanted to pluck every hair
out of King Abdullah's chinny-chin-chin. But since
the Saudi Arabian potentate was sitting on one fifth
of the Earth's proven oil reserves, the President only
bared his teeth and smiled wickedly.
Not Nearly Normal Norm
Ever wonder about the origin of the phrase, 'weird beard'?
On November 1, 2008, Rick Davis, John McCain's campaign
manager, said, "We are witnessing, I believe, probably
one of the greatest comebacks that you've seen since John
McCain won the primary." That's how he will be
remembered for another couple of weeks, after which
he will be dumped into the dustbin of forgotten yesterdays.
Eagle Challenges Dow to Soaring Contest
"stFU /../, i r teh r0xx0rz liek emin3m, u cna go tO
EHLL OR ATLE4St help m3 wit hthIS!!111!!!!!!!1~~1!!``!! LOLLOLOLLOLOLlOoLLOlollLLl u n00b"
Mothers, don't let your daughters grow up to be
Regent University School of Law graduates!
For every person there is a gift. This one's for you.
As one of today's voters, Fearguth has replaced
his 15-year-old TV with a new one that cost, in
inflation-adjusted dollars, about what the old
one did in 1993.
Richard Wagoner, CEO of near-bankrupt General Motors,
“will still fly private for all business and personal travel”
for “security reasons.” He fears that if he flew on a
commercial airliner, taxpayers on board would
throw him out of the plane without a golden parachute.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Rupert Murdoch, Age 77, Signs Roger Ailes, Age 68,
to Another Five-Year Contract with Fox News; Both
Bastards Confident He Will Outlive the Other
The Unexpurgated Bible #17
"And on that day in 1992, it dawned on President Bush:
Conservative faith comes by hearing, and hearing by
Rush Limbaugh on the radio."
Matt Yglesias, Wonky-Tonk Man
Experiment in Maximum Feasible Uplift
Attorney General Collapses Under the Weight of
Bush Administration Lawlessness
Tell Mack Whittle that crime doesn't pay and he will
laugh in your face. The former CEO of South Financial
Group, member of the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity,
and alumnus of the University of South Carolina, stole
$18 million from his bank just before sending it begging
for $347 million in bailout money.
Steven Seagal---Movie Star, Rock Musician, and Target
of Film Critics---Orders Bullet-Proof Kimono from
Colombian Tailor
The world is his classroom.
World's Worst Yobs #61
Mark Belling

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Why do the other powerful Michelles in
Washington shun the only one whose
surname is Malkin?
If humans got the same care race cars do, they'd be immortal.
Robert Gates definitely has the face of a Secretary of
Defense. It is unlikely anybody will ever confuse him
with the Prince of Peace.
At age 82, Hugh Hefner's eye is still wandering.
"The fundamentals of my libidinal economy
are strong," he says.
You knew General Motors was headed in the wrong direction
when it invested billions in the development of the submersible
car. Sure, it was a cool idea, but who really needed one,
besides James Bond?
Of course they're pigheaded! What did you expect
them to be? Humanheaded?
House Cat

Senate Cat
President Peeved That Senator Stevens, a Convicted Felon,
Got a Standing Ovation and He Didn't
Just a reminder: today is the Great American Smokeout.
Have you noticed that Ann Coulter has become as
scarce as hen's teeth? That new brand of invecticide
must really work.
American Empire #39
Indispensable Nation
If you try to desecrate this flag, you die.
The word is that the McConnell-Reid marriage is
in tatters. Critics cite it as proof that same-sex
marriage simply does not work.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

"Just between you and me, George, my main motivation
for running for President was to give a boost to
National Review's sagging circulation numbers."
"They said it was going to be a bumpy ride,
but this is ridiculous!"
Bush Political Appointees Burrowing In to Civil
Service for Long, Cold Economic Winter
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #12
Driving Mr. Obama

"Down on the corner, out in the street,
Jonah and the poorboys are playin',
Bring a nickel, tap your feet."
Luckily for Joe, the lectern obscured the parts of
his anatomy now missing.
Garden Gnome Denigrates Obama as 'House Negro'
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #11
Uncle Ted's Excellent Departure

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

This Congolese soldier--now dead--never heard anyone
say, "Life itself, as the activity of activities, requires the finitude
imposed on it ultimately by death to preserve its meaning."
Had he heard these words, his life, no doubt, would have
been much more meaningful.
Take a man, put him in a helmet, olive-drab uniform,
and boots, give him a gun, and call him a 'soldier'.
And then remember that every soldier on the planet
is a reminder that we are the only species that justifies
killing other people as one of our patriotic duties.
Compassionate Conservative Says "I Wouldn't Wish
What I'm Going Through on Anyone"
Following the Chest Bump, the cadet always enjoyed
watching the President perform another ritual of
young manhood: the Gut Dump.
Can you imagine how much it costs for President
Bush to do something as routine as taking a leak
by the side of the road?
After years of tribulation, God's army will make war against
a legion of nephews and nieces led by Auntie Christ. She will
be a sweet-talking old lady who attracts the young by
means of her irresistible cookies-and-hugs agenda.
Joe Lieberman's slap on the wrist for being a turncoat just
goes to show that party allegiance is less important than
loyalty to the fellow members of the exclusive club
otherwise known as the Senate.
Terrorist Fist Jab Knocks E. D. Hill
Out of Fox News Lineup
Hillary Discovers She Has Doubled-Booked Herself
for January 20, 2009