Saturday, December 08, 2012

Porting is pouring a bottle of wine over your head.

Teleporting is moving from one point to another
without wasting a bottle of booze.
Smoking pot ruins lives.  Look what it did to 
Barack Obama.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #445
Richard Mgrdechian

Friday, December 07, 2012

"Yes, I'm Dan Senor, and my future is so
dim I'm going to need a torch to find my
asscrack for the foreseeable future."
"No, madam, this isn't a Halloween costume.  This is 
what I wear every time I want people to believe that I'm
their spiritual preceptor here on Earth and cicerone 
through the precincts of Everlasting Life."
World's Worst Jobs #127
InControl Incontinence Device Inspector

The Shoeburger is said to be the favorite sandwich of 
the last six fictitious winners of the Boston Marathon.
If you happen to receive an invitation to a Hutaree wedding, 
don't forget to 
(1) wear your cammies, 
(2) bring a flag, 
(3) give your semi-automatic battle rifle 
a good cleaning, and
 (4) pack extra ammo.
If he had a modicum of self-respect, David Gregory
wouldn't be caught dead in the same picture frame
with Ralph Reed.
David Axelrod Undergoes Successful Reverse 
Moustache Implant Surgery
Last Surviving Member of the Republican Party
Election Day, 2112
“So Gangnam Style means nothing, but it’s got a nice up 
beat to it and you can, uh, do the pony and ride around."
Flag Desecration #61
GWAR on Christmas
Stephen Baldwin 'Goes Galt', Is Charged 
with Tax Evasion
Muslims Advised Not to Ride John Fleming's
Louisiana Subway
How Justice Scalia Dresses When He
Interprets the Constitution
Clown Hall #2
Joey Jakeleg
Clown Hall #1
Bobby Bindlestiff
Adventures in Lexicology #8
Filibusterbator, n. Someone who filibusters his own bill. 
[Mitch McConnell is the biggest filibusterbator in the 

Thursday, December 06, 2012

Super Bad
Supersecret CIA Kamikaze Fiscal Cliff Diving 
Program Revealed
Oxymorons for Our Time #141
Jim DeMint Think Tank
The Human Steyn Says Louie Gohmert Is "One of the
 Few Serious People in Congress"
Congress Removes Word 'Lunatic' from 
Federal Law, but Referent of Word
 Remains in House

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

The Underlying  Cause of Mitt Romney's
Defeat in November No Non-Canine Pundit
 Is Prepared to Talk About
Long ago, someone denominated 
television as the 'Glass Teat'.  But,
until Roger Ailes and Fox News came 
along, we really had no idea just how 
many titty babies and other suckers
 there are in the United States.
A cat in a hat is fairly commonplace,

but a dog in a cat hat isn't.
Relax!  When that dog stops and sniffs you suspiciously, 
it doesn't necessarily mean you're holding drugs.  It 
could mean nothing more than you have lung cancer.
This dog is obviously rabid.  It needs
to be put down.
Walking the Dog the Smart Way
"Are you sure this is how you dance to 
Brostep, Dad?  I've listened to a lot of 
Skrillex, Datsik, and Excision, and this 
just doesn't seem like the proper posture."
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #158
Pamela Geller and Tabitha Hale
Mary Bono Mack (R-CA) and her husband, Connie
Mack IV (R-FL), both lost their seats in the House of 
Representatives in the November elections.  This has to
be a first.  May it last.
Mary Katharine Ham Straight

Mary Katharine Ham on Acid
"Yes, Mr. Armey, we here at FreedomWorks are giving
 you $8 million to get the hell out of Dodge.  With that 
much dough, you should be able to catch a ride to 
another galaxy far, far away."
"Did you hear that 49% of Republicans believe
 a unicorn stole the election for Obama?"
"Don't you mean, 'ACORN'?"
Oh, yeah, I always get those two imaginary 
things confused."

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Do you remember the creep on the left?  Yes, that's
Tom DeLay, and he's still a creep.  
Have you met Tom Cole?  He is the last of the 
Republican moderates and, like Lurch, has gone
 to Oklahoma to die.
Gamera in Retirement
Picasso's Popeye Period
David Petraeus Sez:  "Grant used to say, yeah, there’s 
old Sherman. I stood by him while he was crazy, and 
he stood by me while I was drunk. And every time I 
see McCain, I think about that."
[Who was crazy and who was drunk, Petraeus's analogy
doesn't make clear.]
From this angle you can't see what's really happening
in this picture, but Sheldon Adelson is pissing away
$150 million alongside the road to Republican Party
This Year's House Spider Season 
Could Be Really Ugly
Ross Douthat writes:  "The retreat from child rearing is, 
at some level, a symptom of late-modern exhaustion." Or
it could be because potential procreators have read David
Benatar's book. 
Heart Writing Book about Its Cheney Problems
Christie Soars to New High