Porting is pouring a bottle of wine over your head.

Teleporting is moving from one point to another

without wasting a bottle of booze.

Smoking pot ruins lives.  Look what it did to 

Barack Obama.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #445

Richard Mgrdechian

"Yes, I'm Dan Senor, and my future is so

dim I'm going to need a torch to find my

asscrack for the foreseeable future."

"No, madam, this isn't a Halloween costume.  This is 

what I wear every time I want people to believe that I'm

their spiritual preceptor here on Earth and cicerone 

through the precincts of Everlasting Life."

World's Worst Jobs #127

InControl Incontinence Device Inspector

The Shoeburger is said to be the favorite sandwich of 

the last six fictitious winners of the Boston Marathon.

If you happen to receive an invitation to a Hutaree wedding, 

don't forget to 

(1) wear your cammies, 

(2) bring a flag, 

(3) give your semi-automatic battle rifle 

a good cleaning, and

 (4) pack extra ammo.

If he had a modicum of self-respect, David Gregory

wouldn't be caught dead in the same picture frame

with Ralph Reed.

David Axelrod Undergoes Successful Reverse 

Moustache Implant Surgery

Last Surviving Member of the Republican Party

Election Day, 2112

“So Gangnam Style means nothing, but it’s got a nice up 

beat to it and you can, uh, do the pony and ride around."

Flag Desecration #61

GWAR on Christmas

Stephen Baldwin 'Goes Galt', Is Charged 

with Tax Evasion

Muslims Advised Not to Ride John Fleming's

Louisiana Subway

How Justice Scalia Dresses When He

Interprets the Constitution

Clown Hall #2

Joey Jakeleg

Clown Hall #1

Bobby Bindlestiff

Adventures in Lexicology #8

Filibusterbator, n. Someone who filibusters his own bill. 

[Mitch McConnell is the biggest filibusterbator in the 

Senate.]

Super Bad

Supersecret CIA Kamikaze Fiscal Cliff Diving 

Program Revealed

Oxymorons for Our Time #141

Jim DeMint Think Tank

The Human Steyn Says Louie Gohmert Is "One of the

 Few Serious People in Congress"

Congress Removes Word 'Lunatic' from 

Federal Law, but Referent of Word

 Remains in House

The Underlying  Cause of Mitt Romney's

Defeat in November No Non-Canine Pundit

 Is Prepared to Talk About

Long ago, someone denominated 

television as the 'Glass Teat'.  But,

until Roger Ailes and Fox News came 

along, we really had no idea just how 

many titty babies and other suckers

 there are in the United States.

A cat in a hat is fairly commonplace,

but a dog in a cat hat isn't.

Relax!  When that dog stops and sniffs you suspiciously, 

it doesn't necessarily mean you're holding drugs.  It 

could mean nothing more than you have lung cancer.

This dog is obviously rabid.  It needs

to be put down.

Walking the Dog the Smart Way

"Are you sure this is how you dance to 

Brostep, Dad?  I've listened to a lot of 

Skrillex, Datsik, and Excision, and this 

just doesn't seem like the proper posture."

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #158

Pamela Geller and Tabitha Hale

Mary Bono Mack (R-CA) and her husband, Connie

Mack IV (R-FL), both lost their seats in the House of 

Representatives in the November elections.  This has to

be a first.  May it last.

Mary Katharine Ham Straight

Mary Katharine Ham on Acid

"Yes, Mr. Armey, we here at FreedomWorks are giving

 you $8 million to get the hell out of Dodge.  With that 

much dough, you should be able to catch a ride to 

another galaxy far, far away."

"Did you hear that 49% of Republicans believe

 a unicorn stole the election for Obama?"

"Don't you mean, 'ACORN'?"

Oh, yeah, I always get those two imaginary 

things confused."

Do you remember the creep on the left?  Yes, that's

Tom DeLay, and he's still a creep.  

Have you met Tom Cole?  He is the last of the 

Republican moderates and, like Lurch, has gone

 to Oklahoma to die.

Gamera in Retirement

Picasso's Popeye Period

David Petraeus Sez:  "Grant used to say, yeah, there’s 

old Sherman. I stood by him while he was crazy, and 

he stood by me while I was drunk. And every time I 

see McCain, I think about that."

[Who was crazy and who was drunk, Petraeus's analogy

doesn't make clear.]

From this angle you can't see what's really happening

in this picture, but Sheldon Adelson is pissing away

$150 million alongside the road to Republican Party

Oblivion.

This Year's House Spider Season 

Could Be Really Ugly

Ross Douthat writes:  "The retreat from child rearing is, 

at some level, a symptom of late-modern exhaustion." Or

it could be because potential procreators have read David

Benatar's book. 

Heart Writing Book about Its Cheney Problems

Christie Soars to New High