Saturday, June 24, 2006

Lopez Obrador, leftist candidate for
President of Mexico, hopes to join Hugo Chavez of
Venezuela, Evo Morales of Bolivia, and Luiz da Silva
of Brazil in forging an alliance to counterbalance
the hegemony of their "great northern neighbor."
In the meantime, President Bush is confident that
the fence we're building between the U. S. and Mexico
will keep all the radical ideas from Latin America from
invading the Home of the Brave and the Land of the Free.
Speaking at a forum sponsored by the Heritage Foundation,
Rush Limbaugh said of the TV show 24, "You got lucky with
 9/11happening shortly after the show started." He quickly 
stoppedhimself, saying: "Sorry -- not got lucky -- bad choice
 of words." Truth be told, Rush has made a fortune out of his 
bad choice of words.
When they wanted 'face time' with President Bush or
Karl Rove, all the maggots had to do was donate $100,000, and
Grover Norquist and Jack Abramoff would work out the details.
As this group portrait of the founders of Microsoft
makes abundantly clear, the Microcomputer Age
was part of a vast acidhead conspiracy.
Some say the Hell's Angels have gone too far in
trying to soften their image.
King Albert and Queen Beatrix are the top-rated
comedy team in the Netherlands.
In the land where he was murdered,
Che Guevara is still revered.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Hard to believe, but Cee-lo Calloway is indisputably
the real father of Mark Hamill.
Young Spanish Bull Opposes 'The Shame of Spain'
Brande Roderick suffers from a rare musculoskeletal
disease which causes the face to freeze into a
grotesque smile reminiscent of The Joker's. Medical
researchers are trying to find a cure for this disorder,
but, so far, they haven't found one.
Four out of five doctors say that sitting
on your head and cleaning your ears with
your toes helps to reduce your LDL cholesterol
level by 50%. So, if you wish to live longer, you
had better start limbering up.
No matter how many times this South Korean soccer
fan is kicked in the face, he just keeps on smiling.

After you finish your workout at McDonald's
Playland and satisfy your hunger with a Big N' Tasty
sandwich, it'll be time to get a shampoo, trim, and blow dry.
The motocross rider had "slipped the surly
bonds of earth" and was preparing to "touch
the face of God."
When you're old and bone tired, boulders
atop Mt. Katahdin make a bed that's
pretty damn comfortable.
"So, if I understand you correctly, Mr. Vice
President, you are saying that the war in Iraq
has become America's first Permanent War
for Perpetual Peace, and that it will still be
raging long after you kick the bucket. Is this
a fair statement of your position?"
Pointing in the direction of the TV camera, Ferenc Gyurcsany,
 Prime Minister of Hungary, said, "Mr. President, see that 
meter just above the camera lens? That's the Bullshit Detector, 
and right now, as you can see, it says 92%."
Family Headed to Audition for Chinese Version of
The Beverly Hillbillies
Ships of the Desert in Dry Dock
South Koreans Display New Shoulder-Fired Ballistic Missile
While disc golf has become increasingly popular in the U. S.,
divot golf is beginning to catch on in Scotland.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Aren't these baby Red River Hogs cute? When they
grew up, they became two of House Speaker Hastert's
earmarks that made him $2 million in profits. They're
just big fat pigs now. Just like their owner.
You may have wondered about all the things dentists
do while they are exploring your buccal cavity.
Well, Gabor Ilka creates miniature sculptures,
like this one.
Captain Cholly's Orange Crush Buoy-Blowers Band
This Nepalese couple is having more fun planting
rice saplings in the mire than most people do who
spend a small fortune at DisneyWorld.
What Not to Wear When You Go Ice Fishing or Backpacking
Krypto the Superdog Returns
If your name were Predrag Djordjevic, you would scream, too.
Celebrating the Summer Solstice at Stonedhenge
Dressed in funeral clothes and holding earthen plates,
these Bangladeshi teachers have begun a hunger strike
to protest low wages. Although this tactic hasn't been
tried by teachers in the U. S., it just might work.
When building a campfire, remember it is not
the same thing as a funeral pyre.
This Japanese employee saves a lot of money each month
by taking his lunch to work.
Activists Protest Invention of the Wheel
Soccercephalism has become a
world-wide epidemic.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The German Shepherd had long been regarded as the
world's smartest police dog. But not anymore.
The soccer fan from Togo blamed his team's loss
on the fact that his country's President, Faure
Gnassingbe, had a name most people mispronounced.
Someone has invented a guitar that doubles as a
semi-automatic battle rifle, or vice-versa. Either
way, it will give new meaning to the phrase,
"killer music."
Still hungry after having eaten Little Red Riding Hood for lunch,
the Big Bad Wolf pretended to be an opponent of Mexico's
Lopez Obrador, the leftist presidential candidate, so that
he could pick up one of the pro-Calderon chicks for dinner.
Joined at the lips since birth, Astrid and Klara had
more fans than the entire Swedish soccer team.
Did you know your body has forty-two sphincters?
Here you see one of them, the Orbicularis oris,
paying homage to The Flaming Lips.
In Tartarus, Karl Rove will be roasted in a fire
he himself will have to stoke with green wood.
The young man had never touched a soccer ball before.
But when he did, it went straight to his head.
"So you told Carlo you wanted to put on the cruel
shoes. What happened then, Katherine?"

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Large Couch, Small Potato
Although he successfully scored from second base,
Brandon is now Brenda.
President Bush was surprised to see that Andre
the Giant's son was graduating from the U. S.
Merchant Marine Academy.
Kuwaiti Men Listening to Politician Expound on
the Virtues of Individualism
Ted Rall in Training for Chemical-Biological
Warfare with Ann Coulter