Whiteworld #45

Florida Man Arrested for Having Skin So White It Blinded

 People Who Looked in His General Direction

Representative Justin Amash Cries After Breaking Perfect 

Record of Voting the Wrong Way 4,289 Times

"I got my eyes on you

You're everything that I see

I want your hot love and emotion, endlessly."

Is this the South end of a duck headed North, 

or vice versa?

"Amazonman at your service!"

Misanthrobot, programmed to avoid humans, is happily

roaming the California desert.

World's Worst Yoobs #181

Katie Frates

"Everything I know about health care I learned from 

my grandfather."

If Trump is going to sell us out, why not sell us out to a 

nice country like Canada, Sweden, or New Zealand?

"No, I'm not Eric Idle.  I'm Abdul-Aziz ibn Abdullah 

Al ash-Sheikh, the Grand Mufti of Saudi Arabia."

"When it comes to carbon dioxide, I stand with Scott

Pruitt.  To blame it for global warming is just not fair."

"No, I can't say I've ever been a victim of revenge

porn.  On the other hand . . ."

"OK if I annihilate a prairie dog or two with the

old submachine gun, Dad?"

Publicity Still from The Golden Age of GPS

Headlines We Like to See #14

'Nobody wants their name on the Republican health care bill'

Warm Scuzzies #725

Gary Liebschlager

"Russia is a ruse. I have nothing to do with Russia."

When she's not pontificating for the

New York Post, Salena Zito moonlights

as a Big Blue Ox Whisperer.

"You can't hide your lyin' eyes

And your smile is a thin disguise

I thought by now you'd realize

There ain't no way to hide your lyin' eyes."

"And that's when  I said repealing Obamacare was

 an act of mercy!"

Trump lies about the release of Gitmo detainees, then Spicer

 lies about the lie. In the Age of Trumpery, truth has become

 a homeless person. 

'Lawyer's Pants Catch Fire During Arson Trial' is a 

story everyone in the Trump Administration should

read and take to heart.

Warm Scuzzies #724

Joey Hensley

Jason Miller, Trump Campaign Adviser, Defects to CNN,

Enemy of the American People

"Looks to me like the CIA has hacked your TV."

Rather than buying a new Chaffetzphone, maybe you 

should spend that money on your own health care.

How Obama Behaves When He Is 'Reportedly'

'Furious' and 'Livid' about Wiretapping Accusations

Holy Phone Bugging, Batman!

"Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,

Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee,

Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,

Lulled by the moonlight have all passed away!"

GOP Health Care Plan 'American',

But Not 'Affordable'

"The Ranters were one of a number of nonconformist 

dissenting groups that emerged around the time of the 

English Commonwealth (1649–1660)."

John Ziegler Sez: "Mark Levin, Rush Limbaugh, Sean 

Hannity, Ann Coulter, Matt Drudge, and Fox News are 

now all card-carrying members of the state-run media."

Melissa McCarthy Hires Sean Spicer to Write Her

Sketches for Saturday Night Live

Even Jeff Sessions' eyes lie.

Trump Tweets, Statue of Liberty Suddenly Goes Dark

'Crooked Hillary' Photobombs Donald Trump

During White House Tour

'WikiLeaks posts trove of CIA documents', the headline reads. 

Why do we never see 'Wikileaks posts trove of FSB documents'?

"The Republican healthcare plan has come under fire from 

major conservative activist groups who feel it doesn't go far 

enough in fully repealing Obamacare and extirpating 

poor people."

Dan Smoot wrote the book on the 'Deep 

State' way back in 1962.  Although it 

was called 'The Invisible Government'

 55 years ago, it was the same 

conspiracy.  It never changes.

When you hear conspiracists use the ominous-sounding 

phrase, 'Deep State', don't worry: that's just code for

 'SpongeBob Squarepants'.

Steve King is looking extra cranky these days. He 

believes the 'Deep State' is out to get him and all

the other Trumpniks.

Here we are, 46 days into the Age of Trumpery, and 

Obamacare is still in place, ISIS is still in the Middle 

East, and the impenetrable wall still hasn't been built. 

How much more suspense can America take?

The poor have to choose between health care and 

smartphones. Utahns have a harder choice---between 

Jason Chaffetz and two goats.

Tantalus Goes for the GOPercare

"I will now demonstrate TSA's new pat-down technique."

"Captain, it would appear the GOP's Obamacare

 replacement plan is a real dog."

"Logical as always, Mr. Spock."

Bedrock Man Believed to Be Paleoanthropological Hoax

What Trump doesn't know is that when

Obama was tapping his phone, Putin was

tapping Obama tapping him.

Trump is now claiming that the moon is made

 of green cheese.  But this time is different:

he has proof.

The Day Monkeys Learned to Chant