Saturday, March 11, 2017

Whiteworld #45
Florida Man Arrested for Having Skin So White It Blinded
 People Who Looked in His General Direction
Representative Justin Amash Cries After Breaking Perfect 
Record of Voting the Wrong Way 4,289 Times
"I got my eyes on you
You're everything that I see
I want your hot love and emotion, endlessly."
Is this the South end of a duck headed North, 
or vice versa?
"Amazonman at your service!"
Misanthrobot, programmed to avoid humans, is happily
roaming the California desert.

Friday, March 10, 2017

World's Worst Yoobs #181
Katie Frates
"Everything I know about health care I learned from 
my grandfather."
If Trump is going to sell us out, why not sell us out to a 
nice country like Canada, Sweden, or New Zealand?
"No, I'm not Eric Idle.  I'm Abdul-Aziz ibn Abdullah 
Al ash-Sheikh, the Grand Mufti of Saudi Arabia."
"When it comes to carbon dioxide, I stand with Scott
Pruitt.  To blame it for global warming is just not fair."
"No, I can't say I've ever been a victim of revenge
porn.  On the other hand . . ."
"OK if I annihilate a prairie dog or two with the
old submachine gun, Dad?"
Publicity Still from The Golden Age of GPS
Headlines We Like to See #14
'Nobody wants their name on the Republican health care bill'

Thursday, March 09, 2017

Warm Scuzzies #725
Gary Liebschlager
"Russia is a ruse. I have nothing to do with Russia."
When she's not pontificating for the
New York Post, Salena Zito moonlights
as a Big Blue Ox Whisperer.
"You can't hide your lyin' eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide your lyin' eyes."
"And that's when  I said repealing Obamacare was
 an act of mercy!"
Trump lies about the release of Gitmo detainees, then Spicer
 lies about the lie. In the Age of Trumpery, truth has become
 a homeless person. 
'Lawyer's Pants Catch Fire During Arson Trial' is a 
story everyone in the Trump Administration should
read and take to heart.
Warm Scuzzies #724
Joey Hensley

Wednesday, March 08, 2017

Jason Miller, Trump Campaign Adviser, Defects to CNN,
Enemy of the American People
"Looks to me like the CIA has hacked your TV."
Rather than buying a new Chaffetzphone, maybe you 
should spend that money on your own health care.
How Obama Behaves When He Is 'Reportedly'
'Furious' and 'Livid' about Wiretapping Accusations
Holy Phone Bugging, Batman!
"Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,
Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee,
Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,
Lulled by the moonlight have all passed away!"
GOP Health Care Plan 'American',
But Not 'Affordable'
"The Ranters were one of a number of nonconformist 
dissenting groups that emerged around the time of the 
English Commonwealth (1649–1660)."
John Ziegler Sez: "Mark Levin, Rush Limbaugh, Sean 
Hannity, Ann Coulter, Matt Drudge, and Fox News are 
now all card-carrying members of the state-run media."
Melissa McCarthy Hires Sean Spicer to Write Her
Sketches for Saturday Night Live
Even Jeff Sessions' eyes lie.
Trump Tweets, Statue of Liberty Suddenly Goes Dark

Tuesday, March 07, 2017

'Crooked Hillary' Photobombs Donald Trump
During White House Tour
'WikiLeaks posts trove of CIA documents', the headline reads. 
Why do we never see 'Wikileaks posts trove of FSB documents'?
"The Republican healthcare plan has come under fire from 
major conservative activist groups who feel it doesn't go far 
enough in fully repealing Obamacare and extirpating 
poor people."
Dan Smoot wrote the book on the 'Deep 
State' way back in 1962.  Although it 
was called 'The Invisible Government'
 55 years ago, it was the same 
conspiracy.  It never changes.
When you hear conspiracists use the ominous-sounding 
phrase, 'Deep State', don't worry: that's just code for
 'SpongeBob Squarepants'.
Steve King is looking extra cranky these days. He 
believes the 'Deep State' is out to get him and all
the other Trumpniks.
Here we are, 46 days into the Age of Trumpery, and 
Obamacare is still in place, ISIS is still in the Middle 
East, and the impenetrable wall still hasn't been built. 
How much more suspense can America take?
The poor have to choose between health care and 
smartphones. Utahns have a harder choice---between 
Jason Chaffetz and two goats.
Tantalus Goes for the GOPercare
"I will now demonstrate TSA's new pat-down technique."
"Captain, it would appear the GOP's Obamacare
 replacement plan is a real dog."

"Logical as always, Mr. Spock."
Bedrock Man Believed to Be Paleoanthropological Hoax
What Trump doesn't know is that when
Obama was tapping his phone, Putin was
tapping Obama tapping him.
Trump is now claiming that the moon is made
 of green cheese.  But this time is different:
he has proof.
The Day Monkeys Learned to Chant