Saturday, December 06, 2008

Never was there a more perfect mismatch than
between Mary Katharine Ham and a green three-
quarter length sheared mink coat with laser grooving.
Buoyed by the thought that his term of
office ends in 44 days, President Bush's
approval rating soared to 28%.
Interior Department Overturns Regulation, Clearing the Way
for Concealed, Loaded Firearms into National Parks;
Prospective Visitors to Badlands Say "It's About Time!"
Tuskless Elephant Wash
World's Worst Yobs #64
Stuart Taylor
On the Third Day of Zappadan, there's no cover charge
for ladies dressed in chocolate.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Right After President Bush Uttered the 'R' Word
for the First Time
Happiness Can Spread Like the Flu, Study Finds
"I’ve been ruminating over economic prospects for next year,"
Paul Krugman writes, "and I’m getting scared." Uh-oh.
Q: "Pardon me, sir, but why are you all dolled up?"
A: "Haven't you heard? It's the Second Day of Zappadan."

Thursday, December 04, 2008

The case for human irrationality was clinched when
the prosecution presented as Exhibit A a heart-shaped
chunk of carbon for which someone paid $6 million.
If you live in Beijing, put Days of Future Passed on
the turntable and "breathe deep the gathering gloom."
What talking heads say on TV is often inexplicable
until you realize how small they are compared to
normal, off-screen heads.
Chinese Miner All in Favor of 'Clean Coal',
Says "I'm Sick and Tired of Washing
Behind My Ears Every Saturday Night!"
And then there's vertical soccer for
the horizontally-challenged.
She is too polite to tell you herself, but if you are
thinking of giving her a Christmas present, Sofie
has all the hula hoops she needs right now.
Perino Can’t Explain Why Bush Administration
Opposes Cluster F-Bomb Treaty
What to Wear If You Want a Pirate to
Find Your Treasure on the Map
Have you ever noticed you can't
shake hands with your fist?
As you can see, the road to 'clean coal' is clearly marked.
Fearguth's Rules of Order #20
Don't be cruel to an Asian Bearcat by
asking it to smile.
Blackwater Plans New Mission: Fighting Pirates
Q: "What's all the commotion?"
A: "It's the First Day of Zappadan."

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

In old age, R2-D2 had learned to appreciate
the advantages of assisted living.
"Our shared fondness for fart jokes is the tie that
binds us together. So, c'mon, George, pull my finger!"
Cruise Ship Passengers Surprised by Pirate Attack
Deborah Lawrence Proudly Displays
Bush's Ball Laura Ordered Removed
What to Wear When You Visit the
Museum of Modern Art
Kathleen Hensley Portalski, Cindy McCain's Half-Sister,
Got the Last Laugh, Albeit Proleptically
Astronauts Tinkering with Water-to-Wine Machine

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

No matter how much he pleaded, nobody would
throw him a lifeline.
It Shouldn't Happen to a Dog
The market had been down so long the bottom
looked up to him.
Recession Celebrates First Birthday
Rubberneckers Turning Seven-Car Pileup
into Internet Traffic Slowdown
Baby with Dirty Diaper Lets President Know
It Needs Change It Can Believe In

Monday, December 01, 2008

World's Worst Yobs #63
Lawrence Kudlow
Bo Pilgrim Swallows Pride, Goes Bust
President Bush Says Biggest Regret
Was Bad Intelligence
Americans Losing Their Appetite for Spending;
Lack of Interest in Consumption Really Burning
God of Mammon Up
Parisians Up to Their Asses in Pandas

As explained by this diagram, Obama will roll out
his national security team today at 10:40 a.m.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

At the climax of his impression of Winston Churchill,
Mitch McConnell declared, "I was not re-elected to the
Senate in order to preside over the liquidation of
the Republican Party!"
How One Local Commuter Keeps Its Carbon Footprint Small
Truth in Advertising #2
Many Happy Returns Tax Service
Summerfield, Florida
Chinese Worker Bee Helping to Construct High-Rise Hives
Beyond that state of being called 'Nirvana'
there lies 'Koala'.
If you need someone to tell you that Gen. Barry
McCaffrey is "a nonpartisan and objective national
security expert with solid integrity,” just ask this
one-man military-industrial-media complex.
Counting the Days Until Addington Becomes Subtractington