Saturday, February 13, 2016

Now that Tony Scalia is gone, whose shoulder will 
Clarence Thomas lean on when he takes a nap?
Chris Matthews just said that Justice Scalia was a 'charmer'.
Even Fat Tony thinks that's pretty funny.
Yes, Tony Scalia had great influence, mostly bad.

Friday, February 12, 2016

Don't make fun of Trump supporters because Jake Tapper, 
the anti-elitist media multi-millionaire, will make fun of you. 
See Amy Lindsay in The Secret Carnal Wishes of a 
Chambermaid in the House of Cruz!
See Ted Cruz Squirm!
See Ted Cruz Blush!

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Heidi Cruz Slips the Bonds of Earth to Adore the Surly
 Face of God
For the first time, scientists have detected Albert Einstein 
surfing gravitational waves.
While the United Arab Emirates was naming its
 first Minister of State for Happiness, 100,000
 New Hampshire GOPers were voting for Trump 
the Violator.
When he saw The Politico headline, 'Warning: The dirty 
tricks are about to start', Tricky Dicky perked up.
The mills of Justice grind slowly, Cliven Bundy, 
yet they grind exceedingly small.
Cosmic Breakthrough: Physicists Detect Gravitational Waves 
from Violent Collision of Two Assholes
"I did not agree to any of this really.  Like David Fry, I am
 actually feeling suicidal right now."
What Senator Cruz Is Pointing Out Today #32
A Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory
Sean Anderson Sez: "We are not surrendering, 
we’re turning ourselves in."
Hey, lookie, Cliven Bundy has been to Glamour Shots®!
As Mark Twain once wrote, "Some people are malicious 
enough to think that if the Devil were set at liberty and 
told to confine himself to Nevada, he would ... get
homesick and go back to Hell again."

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

The Boss Gets Fired
The GOP: Now with 59% Less Candidates!
Cruella Da Vil Pulls Plug on Presidential Campaign,
Snarls, "You ... BEASTS! I'm not beaten yet!"
Although more Republicans voted in New Hampshire than
Democrats, Bernie Sanders got over 50,000 more votes
than Donald Trump.  And, excluding Trump, Bernie
got almost as many votes as the rest of the GOP
candidates combined.
The Unexpurgated Bible #128
And Jesus cried with a loud voice, "Rubio, come forth! 
Hey, Marco, come forth!  Hello, is anybody alive in there?"
Whiteworld #30
Only Maine has more White Zombies per
100,000 population than New Hampshire.
After ranting that 'stupid, snot-nosed, crude supporters 
of Bernie Sanders should have their jaws broken', Alex 
Jones was fed, watered, and put back into his straitjacket.
The Clinton campaign was roomy and well-accoutered, 
but there was some doubt it would ever take off.

Tuesday, February 09, 2016

"Other than Donald Trump, does anyone else call you
'Pussy in Boots'?"
Trumpelina Sez:  "Oh, puh-leeze, Ted Cruz!
I was only retweeting!"
"For shame! You're not allowed to say 'mangina' in a
presidential race and I never expect to hear that again!"
Which will end first:  the GOP primaries or Donald Trump's 
supply of vulgarities?
"Who says nobody likes Ted Cruz?"
Donald Trump Waterboards Ted Cruz Until He
Finally Confesses He's a Pussy
Victoria Coates is Ted Cruz's national security adviser. 
Being an art historian specializing in the Italian 
Renaissance, she recommends using scythed chariots, 
as designed by Leonardo da Vinci, to take out ISIS
 in the Middle East.
"Those aren't crow's feet in the corners of your eyes, 
Michele.  Those are vulture's toes."
Mr. the Toad, the Thinking Amphibian's Alternative
Your Mission, Mr. Phelps
Michele Fiore's beauty is only skin deep, but her 
insanity goes all the way to the bone.
World's Worst Yoobs #162
Amanda Carpenter
David Fry Doing His Ernest P. Worrell Impression
Sean Anderson Sez:  "Remember Hellboy?  Well, I'm
“Islamists have a plan to destroy Western Christendom
 by sending an invading army to sexually attack and 
rape and grope church ladies."
Someone who heard one of her paid speeches said, 
"Hillary Clinton sounded more like a Goldman Sachs 
managing director than Lloyd Blankfein does."
"Domo arigato, Marco Roboto,
Domo arigato, Marco Roboto,
Domo arigato, Marco Roboto,
Domo arigato, Marco Roboto."

Monday, February 08, 2016

Keep Motorboating Alive!
Beyoncé Attacking Police Officers at Super Bowl 50
Fidel Castro Still Undecided Which Cuban He Will
Endorse for the GOP Nomination
The Unexpurgated Bible #127
"And Jesus said unto Peter, 'O thou of little faith, this Flint
 water contains so much lead even you can walk on it'."
Remember Flat Stanley?  Well, after Chris Christie
sat on him in the last GOP debate, Rubio is now
Flat Marco.
The Rubio, Chris Christie's Favorite Sammich
Marco Rubio should have known an attack was coming
when he saw that Chris Christie was wearing
 Rugged Shark shoes.
Madeleine Albright Tells Bernie's Kids to Get Off
Hillary Clinton's Lawn
The Unexpurgated Bible #126
"The Lord God formed Adam of the dust of the ground, 
then He formed Donald Trump and Martin Shkreli of 
second-hand asswipes."