Saturday, May 22, 2010

Vice President Biden to Travel to Africa in June,
Has Nothing Better to Do

"Why are we doing this, Captain?"
"For the same reason that Mockingbirds
prefer to eat insects rather than seeds."
"Thank you, Captain, that warms the
cockles of my heart!"
"Cockles? Did you say 'cockles'?"
In the olden days, they called it 'Sexual Impotence'. In
more modern times, they called it 'Erectile Dysfunction'.
Now that Mick Jagger is almost 67 years old, they call it
'Stones in Exile.'
"Well, yes, as seals go, you could
say that I'm something of a priss."
"A little lower and to the right. Ahh, right
there! I could say 'Not by the hair of my
chinny-chin-chin', couldn't I? But that
would be completely out of context,
wouldn't it?"
"If Pete the Moose showed up in Wasilla, all I'd ask
my family is, 'With or without cheese?'"
"Welcome to Rush Limbaugh's New York City penthouse
bedroom, complete with his famous 'Bottomless-Viagra
Bowl' and a beach-front view of the Dominican
Republic's Coast of Everlasting Poon."
DNA Fingerprinting Confirms Ron Paul as Rand
Paul's Biological Father; LSD Fingerprinting
Confirms Rand Paul as Ron Paul's Spaced-Out Son
In the foreground are CPAC people sitting in what,
speaking in baseball terms, were once called 'the
bleachers'. Today, they are simply called 'the
cheap seats'.
"Let's face it, Stephen. Even our enemies
have forgotten who we are."
“I really appreciate the harp, Lord, but I’m not dead yet,
despite what James Carville is saying.”
Mexican Hairless

Florida Hairless
"Leave Rand alooone!!!"
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #32
Eternal Moonshine of the Clueless Mind
Jerry and Joseph Kane came armed
[this time]
Joseph T. Kane, 16, and his father, Jerry R. Kane,
45, shot and killed two policemen and wounded
two others before they were shot and killed. The
Kanes believed that virtually all existing government
in the United States is illegitimate and sought to
restore an idealized, minimalist government that
has never actually existed. Sound familiar?
Can you tell which is the frog puppet
and which is the Governor of Arizona?
(Warning: this may be a trick question.)
"What dupes these teabaggers be!" he thought.
Flag Desecration #33
Rumored to be the replacement for Dennis Blair as
Director of National Intelligence, James R. Clapper
makes plain why they're called 'spooks'.
Oxymorons for Our Time #36
Texas Board of Education
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #168
Vaughn Ward

Friday, May 21, 2010

David Gregory IS pretty scary.
Just ask Rand Paul.
Rand Paul joins Louis Farrakhan and Prince Bandar of
Saudi Arabia as only the third person in the 62-year
history of Meet the Press to cancel an appearance.
David Frum in His 'Axis of Evil' Period
Have you ever wondered how many people in the
entire world hold David Brooks in high esteem?
"This I promise you
No more aquarium bongs
Oh, my poor Sea-Monkey."
American Schutzstaffel #3
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #167
Brad Goehring
Oxymorons for Our Time #35
Mainstream Libertarianism
Warm Scuzzies #83
Yester Years Pub and Grill, Inc.
West Allis, Wisconsin
Crazy Fruit Doesn't Fall Far from the Wacky Tree

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Florida Tea Party Protest Resonates in
Corporate Offices Nationwide
Admiral Dennis Blair to Leave Intelligence Post for Lack of
Intelligence; Also for Having Suspiciously Pointy Head
"Look at my fingers. They are spotless,
not a drop of oil on them!"
Joe McCarthy Becomes Unstuck in Time,
Migrates to 21st Century
As Ruth Frith can tell you, one of the
disadvantages of longevity is that the
same old rightwing idiots you thought
had expired in the 1950s and 1960s
have come back to life in 2010.
Matt Welch, Reason Magazine Editor, Delivers the
Nonverbal Coup de Grâce to Critics of Rand Paul
New Species of 'Pinocchio Frog'
(Longus Nasus Glennbeckii)
Found in Fox News Swamp
In his old age, former President Obama was
often asked why he had never closed Gitmo,
as he had once promised. Tragically, he had
been stricken with Alzheimer's by that time
and could only answer, "Gitmo?
What Gitmo?"
If this portrait of Rand Paul looks familiar,
it's because the artist has had a lifelong
man crush on Dan Quayle.
Like Rand Paul, Lester Maddox was a
Southern-fried Tea Party libertarian.
"Speaking as a private businessman,
Rand Paul is my kinda guy!"
"Compared to Rand Paul, I'm a leftist!"
"I've never used an ATM, so I don't know what
the fees are," says Senator Ben Nelson (D-NE).
"I swipe to get my own gas, buy groceries. I
know about the holograms." Yeah, but does
he know that the Internet is a series of tubes?
How many of his Tea Party supporters do you suppose
can afford to pay $6,340 a year to be a member of the
Bowling Green Country Club, where Rand Paul
celebrated his Republican primary victory
on Tuesday?
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #166
Tom Corbett
"I only interlace my fingers when I'm
feeling messianic."
World's Worst Yoobs #72
Alyssa Cordova