Saturday, June 20, 2009

FDA Takes General Mills to Task for Exaggerated
Claims Regarding the Health Benefits of Eating
Cheery O-Os

The next time you are tempted to click on a link to
the Washington Post, don't. Instead, ask yourself
this question: "Would I voluntarily squeeze Bhut
Jolokia juice into my eyes?"
According to the latest poll, Dick Cheney's approval rating
has jumped 8 percentage points. Now only 3/4ths of the
American people despise the ground he walks on by night
and sleeps in by day.
Only 84 American soldiers have been killed so far this
year in the war the U. S. won in Iraq over two years ago.
Can you imagine how many might have died if the U. S.
had lost the war in Iraq?
Most states need no more than one asshole in the Senate
to take a dump on the rest of the country. Oklahoma is
an exception. It takes two for 'Native America':
James Inhofe

and Tom Coburn.
T-Shirt for White Supremacists
Who Also Belong to Mensa
Jammie Thomas-Rasset, a single mom from
Minnesota, has been fined $1.92 million for
illegally sharing 24 tunes on the Internet.
When she told the RIAA, the plaintiff in the
case, "There's no way you're ever going to
get that. You can't get blood out of a turnip,"
the recording industry association agreed
to settle with the defendant if she either (1)
paid $1.99 per tune or (2) would become
the main ingredient in a Southern Turnip
Supreme casserole.

"Your liver is evil and must be punished." So read the
cryptic email Steve Jobs received several years ago.
At the time he had no idea what it meant. Now he does.
Microsoft CEO Explaining the Role of Strange
Gestures in a Challenging Economy
Senator Inhofe Declines Courtesy Call by Sonia Sotomayor,
Claims He Suffers from Chromophobia
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #46
Orly Taitz
World's Worst Yobs #105
George Packer

Friday, June 19, 2009

"Fred Hiatt, if you weren't so full of shit,
I would eat you alive."
What Dan Froomkin Looked Like Before He
Was Sacked by the Washington Post

What He Looked Like After
If you happen to meet Todd Palin and Greta Van Susteren
at a party, don't panic: it doesn't mean you dropped bad
acid. It only means it's Halloween and they could afford
to buy more realistic masks than you.
If you encounter a religious official whose hat looks like
it came from Burger King and whose outfit looks like
it was handcrafted by the National Embroiders Guild,
greet him politely and then run away.
The Weights and Measures Division of the National
Institute of Standards and Technology has now
officially confirmed that Timothy Franz Geithner,
Secretary of the Treasury, has the tallest head in
the Obama Administration.

"Did you know that The Karate Kid rates only 6.8
on a scale of 10 at The Internet Movie Database?"
"No, I didn't know that."
Remember when swine flu masks were all the
rage? High fashion is so fickle, isn't it?

Geek Squad Too Expensive? Call the Sudanese Liberation
Army to
Make War on Your Computer Viruses and Spyware.
As Low As $55 & Never More Than $99
, Day or Night, No
Matter How Long the Repair Takes or How Much Collateral
Damage Is Inflicted
Poll: Republican Party Now Less Popular
Than Dick Cheney or Scrofula

Henry Allingham, a veteran of World War I, had fought
to make the world safe for democracy. Now he's 113, the
world's oldest man, and democracy is still not safe.
Flag Desecration #20
"So, you think I look sleazy, eh? Well,
maybe it's because I am sleazy."
Iran's supreme leader today ruled out massive fraud
in elections last week and told hundreds of thousands
taking part in a series of peaceful protests against the
reelection of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to go
home and be good little boys and girls.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Doctor Oz: Just as Phony as the Wizard
of Oz, but Younger and Better Looking
"I've got plenty of sins that I'm not going to share with anyone
else," says Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) . Let's hope our
luck doesn't run out before this paedomorph changes his
mind and starts sharing.

Two Handfuls of Algae Declare Solidarity with
Andrew Sullivan and the Green Revolution
in Iran
"The roar you hear, Mr. President, is the gay community
saying, in unison, 'If LBJ had been as timid about civil
rights as you are about gay rights, do you think you'd
be signing this memorandum in the Oval Office today?
No, you'd be lucky to have a job washing dishes in the
White House kitchen'."
Although there is a strong resemblance between the
two, Pancetta, the Italian bacon, should not be
confused with

Panetta, the Director of the CIA.
What Was Left of the Washington Post
After the Firing of Dan Froomkin
Short people are mad as hell and
aren't going to take it anymore.
What Happens If You Get Too Horny
Like the U. S., Israel has a famous
Lieberman. He's a jerk, too.
Hillary Clinton Breaks Her Funny Bone,
But Keeps on Laughing
World's Worst Yobs #104
Robert Kagan
"The Republican Party is viewed favorably by only 28 percent
of those polled, the lowest rating ever in a New York Times/
CBS News poll." Sheesh! The percentage that views tattooed
pigs favorably is larger than that.
Should PETA have to remind President Obama
that even a psycho, like Norman Bates' mother,
wouldn't harm a fly?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

“Marriage is the cornerstone on which our society
was founded. That's why I cheated on my wife:
"What's that?"
"It's the Rube Goldberg device right-wingers
use to manufacture outrage."
"It sure looks inefficient."
"That's true, but it works every time."
Everyone had advised him to keep his eye on
the ball. He had followed their advice to the
letter. There came a time, however, when
everyone fell silent. That's when he realized
he didn't have any idea what to do next.

Andrew Sullivan's self-identification with the
opponents of the Ahmadinejad regime in Iran is
a mirror image of his enthusiasm seven years
ago for the overthrow of Saddam Hussein in Iraq.
Nonetheless, he will tell you that in terms of core
values, he's a conservative, like Edmund Burke,
and not a radical, like Leon Trotsky (though,
in physical appearance, he resembles the latter
much more than the former). Things didn't turn out
in Iraq as Andrew had hoped. Maybe he will be luckier
this time around and his revolutionary dream for Iran
will come closer to matching his conservative ideal.
Apparently, there's an obscure rule in baseball
that says three boob jobs and you're ineligible
for the Cy Young Award. Sorry, Posh!
Governator 2: Judgment Day
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #45
Michael Goldfarb

Ensign Pulverized