Saturday, August 27, 2011

Meet James Leininger, Rick Perry's Sugar Daddy
You might think the plural of 'Doofus' is 'Doofi'.
  It's not.  It's 'Doocy'.
"Wanna see me deep throat this sucker?"
If, as Pat Robertson believes, a one-inch crack in the
Washington Monument may be a sign from God, this
is a sign from Ray Harryhausen.
These days, even the weather is ironic.  Derived from
Greek, Irene means 'peace'.
New Cheney Class Latrines Added to
U. S. Military Infrastructure
"To Win This, Rick Perry Needs to Look Less Angry,"
Says Peggy 'I Only Look Half-Baked' Noonan
"Hi, everybody!  It always makes me feel good to be in a
room filled with people as crazy as I am!"
Having Sex with Neanderthals Improves Your
Immune System, Scientists Say; Discovery 
Thought to Be Good News for Rick
Perry's Wife
Moral Equivalence Illustrated

Friday, August 26, 2011

If you want to know how government entitlement programs
 have weakened America's moral fiber, you need look no
 further than Marco Rubio. His father, Mario, was a re-
tired bartender, who lived off Social Security and Medicare
until his death in 2010.  His mother, Oria, is a retired hotel
housekeeper, living off Social Security and Medicare.
Marco himself received all his education at taxpayer expense
 from public institutions: South Miami Senior High School,
Santa Fe College, University of Florida, and University of
Miami. And, since 2000, Marco has been living off govern-
ment largesse, first as a representative in the Florida legis-
lature, and now as a U. S. Senator. No wonder, then, that
 Marco Rubio is such an intellectual lazybones and moral sloth.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #328
August Kreis
Local Man Proud Owner of Rare Gambian Pitchfork Rat
Only Muammar Gaddafi would be twisted enough to
compile a Condoleezza Rice 'stroke book'.
Congress' Approval Rating Falls to 12%; Senators and
Representatives Now Less Popular Than Acne and
"Look, I am not an establishment figure, never have been,
and frankly, I don't want to be. I dislike Washington; I think
it's a seedy place.  And that's why I'm running for President."
CIA Heavily Edits FBI Agent's 9/11 Book

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Pat Robertson Suggests Cracks in Nation's Tallest
Phallic Symbol May Be Sign from God
"If you think this job pays too much," says Representative
Steve Southerland (R-FL), "with those kinds of risks and
cutting me off from my family business, I'll just tell you:
This job don't mean that much to me.  I had a good life
in Panama City as President of Southerland Family
Funeral Homes and as founding partner of Genesis
Granite & Stone."
Oxymorons for Our Time #107
Southern Charm
Martin Luther King, Jr., as Glenn Beck Remembers Him
Sure, Zimbabwe has Robert Mugabe,

but the U. S. has Rush Limbaugh.
Sheyla Hershey, Owner and Operator of the
World's Largest Bustline,  Doesn't Last the
First Round of NBC's The Last Comic
Standing Erect
"I'm going down
I'm going, down, down, down
Down, down
Yes, I'm going down, yes
I'm going down, down, down
Down, down."
"Time, time and again I see you staring down at me
Now, then and again I wonder what it is that you see
with those Crazy Eyes."

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

LeAnn Rimes Explodes Over Weight Comment
Quake Causes President Obama to Miss Crucial Putt
Twin Peaks Breastaurant Chain Declares War on Hooters
Christine O'Donnell had tweeted a warning about
the impending East Coast quake, but most people
ignored it, thinking it was just a magic spell she
 was putting on Piers Morgan.
Officials are saying that the WMD which were supposed to
 have been in Iraq in 2003 have been found in Libya, 1800
miles away. They blame the finding error on a faulty
Warm Scuzzies #213
Gordon Lamont Moon
If, as some believe, trailer parks are 'tornado magnets',
perhaps nuclear power plants are 'earthquake magnets'.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

When the epicenter of an earthquake
happens to be near Richmond, Virginia,
there's only one way for a teabagger to 
respond:  it's time to bring out the
Open Carry Advocate Wishes His Sidearms 
Didn't Make His Ass Look So Big
Anti-Summer's Eve Protester Admits He's
No Fan of The Vagina Monlogues
"Yes, Unfortunately!" Says Obama's Cocaine Dealer
Guess who's coming before dinner?
Alexa Sez:  "I am socially conservative,
neo-con on foreign policy, and fairly
libertarian economically.  And, no,
I haven't had eye implants!"
Looks like the Dead Parrots over at The Politico aren't
just 'pining for the fjords' these days.
Texas Governor Loses Contact with Hypersonic Prayer Drone,
 Denies That East Coast Earthquake and Hurricane Irene
May Be Collateral Damage Resulting from Errant Entreaty
Does Rick Perry pray away the gray?
There are three kinds of publicans. First, there's the
publican as tax collector, like Matthew, Jesus's disciple.
Second, there's the publican as tavernkeeper, like
Samuel Fraunces, friend of George Washington. Third,
there's the publican as Republican, like Eric Cantor,
corporate lickass.
In the 1950s, there was a lot of talk about 'Communist
Fronts', like, say, the Friends of the Soviet Union. Those
are now gone, replaced by 'Corporate Fronts', like, say,
the Obama Administration.
"Quite frankly, I'm fed up with Fed Up!"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #327
Carol McGuire
On the Internet, there is smut to suit most
every taste, except for those pornoisseurs
 who might fancy a candid photograph of
Mary Matalin's 'Secret Weapon'.
Greedheads Galore #15
Harvey Golub
On Wall Street, this look is known
as 'Lloyd Lawyers Up'.
While humbled by the encouragement he received to run for
President, Paul Ryan felt exalted above all thrones by the
thrill of humility.