Saturday, June 23, 2007

Pakistani Literary Critic Taking It to the Streets
World's Worst Jobs #47
Manilan Fire Salvager
Aidan Gallery Patron Ponders 'Help Me, I'm Cheneyed'
When Valdis Zatlers, Latvia's new president, was born, his father
was heard to say, "From this tiny acorn a mighty oak will grow."
The fake baby Panda was unmasked when it
 spat out the Gerber's strained bamboo.
Ralph Nader Ponders Run for President in
Corvair Monza Spyder Convertible

Friday, June 22, 2007

Indian Chef Tries to Replicate Waffle House Recipe for Hash
Browns Scattered, Smothered, Covered, Chunked, Topped,
and Diced . . . But Fails
Neonate Still Stunned After Learning He Was Born
by Means of a Caesarean Section Performed by the
World's Youngest Surgeon
Spice Girls Threaten Comeback
Less than a week before, Antonio had said, "Attack of
the Killer Tomatoes is only a movie."
"The way I see it, Reverend Doctor Luis, is this:
even though my approval rating is down to 26%,
more people still believe in me than belong to the
Episcopal Church."
Drudge Report Funnies #8
"'Mile-wide UFO' spotted by British airline pilot..."

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your evening's entertainment, let's
all listen to the First Officer sing, 'By the Light of the Silvery Moon'."
"Hey buddy! What does it take to get some vittles around here?"
Giuliani Supporter Mistaken for Automobile Bumper

Derek Jeter declined to officiate at the wedding on the
grounds that (1) he is not an ordained minister and
(2) he is opposed to same-sex marriage.
Block Party, Gaza Style

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Recently-Declassified Photograph #3
George Bush's Mug Shot After Being Busted
in Biloxi for Driving Under the Influence of
Dick Cheney
Home Safety Tip #2
Do not eat fire in bed.
Will this frog reach the top of the evolutionary tree before
 it croaks?  Will it prove itself worthy of its septasyllabic 
genus, Eleutherodactylus?  Stay tuned.
"Hey Mom! Am I looking presidential yet?"
Stopping to smell the flowers is a good idea.
But watch out for the centipedes.
Andrei Lugovoi claims he has documentary proof James
Bond, disguised as Sean Connery, murdered Alexander 
Litvenenko, disguised as Robert Shaw (who was disguised as
 Red Grant), during the filming of From Russia, with Love
and that the tell-tale scene was edited by co-conspirators from 
the British Secret Intelligence Service, Boris Berezovsky, and the
 Russian mafia to make it look like he did it. "I wuz fictitiously 
framed!" he vehemently maintains.
"Yes, I have exempted my office from the presidential order
that establishes government-wide procedures for safeguarding
classified national security information. I have done this because
my office is not an entity within the executive branch of government.
It's within the Halliburton branch."

According to a recent survey, "91 percent of the total weekday
talk radio programming was conservative, and only 9 percent
was progressive." Inference: conservatives listen to AM/FM
radio and progressives don't.
World's Worst Yobs #11
Jonah Goldberg

Acrobat Gets Head Stuck Where the Sun Don't Shine
Great Misadventures in Science #1
Cloned Dog Believes It's a Clydesdale
Charwoman Says Kaboom Ultra Scrub Can't Remove
Blair Stains from 10 Downing Street

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

"No, the Prime Minister of Australia and I aren't identical
twins. We're Steak and Ale twins, which means we were born
at the same time by means of a Sid Caesar Salad Bar Section."
"You're absolutely right, comrade! The leg bone is connected to
the knee bone, the knee bone is connected to the thigh bone,
and the thigh bone is connected to the hip bone. Never before
in all my years in the Russian army have I seen such an
 intricate piece of machinery!"
When Oilcan Harry twirled his moustache,
Mighty Mouse didn't lose his cool.

But when Willi Chevalier twirled his,
Mighty Mouse broke into a cold sweat.
Factoid of the Hour #2
Liddy Dole is the 95th most powerful Senator
in the United States today.
Emilio Botin couldn't tell if the mike was live or not.
But he wasn't taking any chances. "Once bitten, twice
shy," he always said.
Chattanooga Shoeshine Boy Refuses to Pop His Boogie
Woogie Rag for Well-Heeled Star of Red Shoe Diaries
Boxer Blows Top, Loses Fight

The shit had not yet hit his fans. Now if he could
only find a ceiling.
Still Life with Cowardly Afghani and the Shadow of Doom
Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling Demonstrating the
Proper Technique of Fore-and-Aft Play
Did you realize Representative Ron Paul knows more
Ayn Rand jokes than any other presidential candidate?
When you visit Monaco, don't forget to keep your
pet turtle on a leash.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Iraqi Soldier Finds Teletubby Terrorist
Behind Door #3
Graduates of U. S. Merchant Marine Academy
Receiving Hats from Heaven

Petrified Woody Spotted in Spain
Boot Hill
Lake Eucumbene
With political instability increasing in his country, Hamid
Karzai, Afghanistan's
President, has taken the precautionary
ofbeing fitted with a Cloak of Invisibility.
Members of Turkish Parliament Come to Blows Over Issue
of Nonviolent Invasion of Kurdistan
Believe it or not, this Sumo exercise is called 'Froggy the
 Gremlin Plunks His Magic Twanger and Waits for
Smilin' Ed to Let Buster Brown Out of the Shoe to
Take Tige for a Walk'.
This .50 caliber Bulgarian spliff has been known to 
disarticulate a crowd of up to 500 festival goers 
on a single match.