Saturday, October 31, 2015

Happy Hollow Weenie!
Paleontologists have confirmed what has long been 
suspected, viz., that the world's first Brontosaurus
 evolved out of a Trick-or-Treat bag filled with 
uneaten candy corn.
Scholars say Attila the Bun contributed to the decline of
the Western Roman Empire in the late 5th century CE.
Paul Singer, Hedge-Fund Billionaire and GOP Mega-Donor, 
Chooses Marco Rubio to Be One of His Designer Accessories
The Five Stages of the Jeb! 
Campaign's Morbidity
1. "I'm not dead."
2. "I'm getting better."
3. "I feel fine."
4. "I think I'll go for a walk."
5. "I feel happy, I feel happy!"
Area Man Making GoFundMe Appeal on Behalf of
the Rude Birdwatchers of America
Marco Rubio is David Brooks' new Wonky-Tonk Man.
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #122
The Whining
"Beware the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog, 
the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered
 rodent you ever set eyes on!"
Fidogeist Sez: "Boo-Woo!"

Friday, October 30, 2015

Giant Runaway Jack-O-Lantern in Peoria, Arizona
Stopped by Kool-Aid Man
Federal Judge Orders Bobby Jindal to Fund Planned 
Parenthood Out of His Weekly Allowance
Oxymorons for Our Time #177
Reform Conservatism
Inside Jonah Goldberg's Head
Jeb Bush Eating Humble-Pie-on-a-Stick
What Senator Cruz Is Pointing Out Today #24
A Gotcha Monster
Jeb Bush's Master Plan

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Paul Ryan Elected House Speaker with Mandate to Unite
 Republicans in Single-Passenger Clown Car
Great Moments in Victimology #1
"Congrats, Paul D.! You're now Speaker of the House and 
third in line to be POTUS."
"They say these Caddys were flying high and then they
just augured in."
"All Earthlings are funny looking in a general sort of way, 
Big Dog, but Ted Cruz is funny-creepy looking."
“You put me on the stage to debate Hillary next September
 and I guarantee there won't be room for her on that stage!"
"Facts? We don't need no stinking facts!"
"This is not a cage match!" Ted yelled as he slammed the
moderator's head into the turnbuckle.
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #72
Jeb Bush
Small Children Unamused by Chief Sitting Bush
"As Ron Paul, my Dad and one of the Founding Fathers, 
once said, "The rent is too damn high!'"
Runaway Blimp Makes Strong Showing 
in Third GOP Debate

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

"What's that?"
"It's the long and winding road to the Republican
presidential nomination."
"Didn't somebody write a song about that?"
"What say we impeach John Koskinen?"
"John Koskinen."
As Charles Wilson might have said, "What's good for 
General Motors is good for the Moon."
Throwing caution to the winds, he decided it was time to
live dangerously and start vaping processed meat.
"Processed meat?  Never touch the stuff!"
"Please don't eat me!  I'm Pro-Life!"
The Great Trumpkin
'Fourth Video' Shows South Carolina
Student Wielding a Monk's Spade
in One Hand and a Snake Halberd
in the Other
South Carolina Deputy Fired 
After Student-Flinging Incident
"I would not advocate that we put a Jester in charge of 
this nation. I absolutely would not agree with that."
Cap and Bells for the Texas Jester

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

World's Worst Yoobs #158
Sylvia Thompson
Asked for advice on how to re-ignite his brother's
presidential campaign, Dubya told Jeb that a
man bun would make him awe-inspiring.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #640
Linda Harvey
Donald Trump Sez:  "I tell you, if I were a woman, 
I would wear a burqa."

Monday, October 26, 2015

My Little Punkin'
"How am I losing to these people?”
[Maybe we should tell Lindsey, because 
he's apparently the last to not know.]
On the same day WHO warned that
processed meats can cause cancer,
Jon Stewart announced he was 
opening a Bacon, Ham, and Sausage
Donald Trump Sez: "It's not been easy for me, so my father
 gave me a small loan of $1 million from his piggy bank."
"Speak softly and carry on, for the Kingdom of Carson is 
at hand."