Saturday, December 01, 2012

Breaking News Mashups #4
"GOP Says No to Rice But Loves 60-Day Bread"
"Everybody has an opinion on global warming, you know, 
and I, you know, I probably don’t believe that it’s man-
made.  I believe that, you know, that weather elements
 are controlled maybe by different things, like Gila 
monsters and night crawlers."
"As you can see, Mitt, the Presidential Seal Rug really
ties this room together."
Hemmer & Hawer
Schopenhauerean Gets Chilly Reception at
Local Optimist Club

Friday, November 30, 2012

Republican Party Best Seller
Think of it:   you may never have to gaze upon the
funereal visage of Tagg Romney ever again!
There's a reason why your stomach
sometimes churns at night while you're
trying to sleep.
News Reaches the Philippines That 36 Republicans 
(and Counting) Have Abandoned Norquist
Virus Goes Viral, Says, "What Did You Expect Me to Do?
Go Ask Alice When She's Ten Feet Tall?"
Republican House Leadership Chooses Candice 'New 
Broom' Miller to Chair Housekeeping Committee
"Believe me, if I had my druthers, I would have
been born a Chilehead.  But, you know, John
Calvin got his way, and so here I am, a pre-
destinated Potatohead."
Libyan Rebel Awakes from Nightmare in Which Louie
Gohmert Claimed Barack Obama Deposed Muammar
Gaddafi at the Behest of Al-Qaida
"What, me worry?  Don't be ridonkulous!  I have a 
Furshlugginer Potrzebie of political capital to spend!"
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #135
"Don't start the revolution without me!"
Little Known Fact #32
'Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother' is not
Richard Mourdock's favorite song.
Sign of the Times #32
RINO Pretender
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #444
Thomas Lifson
"But, Your Excellency, Westminster Abbey is not for sale."
"Pish-posh, Very Reverend Dr. John Hall, in this world,
EVERYTHING is for sale!"
Greedheads Galore #30
Bob Perry
"Yes, Vladimir Putin, I hang with Pussy Riot.
  And if you had a 'moral foundation', I 
would undermine it!"
Mr. Clean

Squeaky, His Son

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Kuratas, Successor to ED-209, Challenges
RoboCop to Duel
Warm Scuzzies #348
Gregory Rayburn
"The Obama Administration sent planes and bombs
 and support to oust Qaddafi so that al-Qaeda and
 the Muslim Brotherhood could take over Libya
 and jumpstart a new Automobile Empire in the 
Middle East."
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #76
The Land Orthodontists Forgot
Kim Jong-Un Denies Chinese Newspaper Punked by 
The Onion, Says He Really Did Receive 'Sexiest 
Man Alive' Award
Ivanka Trump Denies Story about Family Feud
 over Obama-Bashing, Says "We Kids Are Just 
as Nuts as Dear Old Dad"
House Republican Committee Chairs All White, All Male,
All the Time
Can you believe Rick Perry is going to make us
wait until next July before he announces his 
'future political plans'?  
Pastor Warren Sez:  "And hate is never of God, never." 
The Bible Sez:  "Because the LORD was not able to
 bring them into the land which he promised them, and 
because he hated them, he hath brought them out to 
slay them in the wilderness."
[The more people study the Bible, the more people
will lose their faith.]
Glenn Beck Interrupts Chalk Talk to Demonstrate the 
Specific Gravity of His Urine
David Petraeus Sez:  "I screwed up royally."
[Not only 'up', but also Paula Broadwell.]
Congratulations!  Mitt Romney narrowly defeated you
for the top slot on GQ's list of the 25 'Least Influential
People of 2012'.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Warm Scuzzies #347
Stacie Laughton
Obama, Romney to Have Private Foodfight Thursday
"Piers, sometimes I get angry and I feel like punching a guy
 in the nose. It doesn’t mean I act on it, unless he's gay." 
Buffett Backs Dimon for Mayor of Margaritaville
At the root of the theory of American Exceptionalism 
is the practice of Star-Spangled Perception.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #443
Sheryl Nuxoll

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Elsie the Cow Spilled Milk Riot Now in Its Third Day
“Boehner, Boehner, don’t be a dick, 
budget cuts will make us sick.”
“The Republicans are in a shocking
amount of disarray right now.” 
Rick Santorum Sez:  “I’m open to a 2016 run for 
President, yeah. I think there’s a fight right now
 as to what the soul of the Republican Party’s 
going to be and who gets the wingnut welfare, 
and we have something to say about that."
[Bring on the froth!]
Eisenhower Romancing His Driver
"You know how to whistle, don't you? You 
just put your lips together and ... blow"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #442
Millie Hallow
"Hell yes, I've got milk!"