Saturday, February 07, 2009

Although he says he's ready to ride again, Floyd Landis
still hasn't learned it's not a good idea to look back over
your shoulder.
"Stimulus? Pshaw! Do I look
like I need a stimulus?"
Skinny and the Fat Man believe that the best way to
stimulate the economy is for you to dig a hole, crawl
into it, and die.
A modest proposal: if Rupert Murdoch continues
on his present course and succeeds in totally
bankrupting News Corp., Barack Obama should
award him the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
I Remember Dubya #6
Did it ever occur to Dubya that God had chosen him
to remind the American people that having a full
set of teeth doesn't necessarily make you a better
President than George Washington, who had only
one tooth in his head when he was elected in 1789?
Drudgery Report #8
Testing A-Rod the Slugger for drugs would be drudgery.
"Remember when we were little boys and believed the
holes were caused by termites? We sure laughed more
back then, didn't we?"
"Whaddya mean, 'Jesus is in the House'?"
World's Worst Yoobs #36
Mika Brzezinski

Friday, February 06, 2009

Warning signs like this one are identical to those
which were ignored, unfortunately, as the work of
harmless hackers and merry pranksters in 2000
and 2004. As we look down the Road to the White
House 2012, we should remember the worldly-wise
words of Patti Page, way back in the 1940s:
"Detour, there's a muddy road ahead, detour
Paid no mind to what it said
Detour, oh these bitter things I find,
Should have read
That detour sign."
Author of New Christian Apologetic, Dark Knight
of the Soul, Calls F-Bomb Tirade 'Baleful'
Have you ever wondered what eventually happened
to the author of the witticism, "Never hit a man when
he's down. Kick him; it's easier"?
Where Right-Wing Eliminationists Dine
When he spoke about 'mental recession' last
summer, Phil Gramm must have had Charles
Krauthammer in mind.
News Corp. Suffers Staggering $6.4 Billion Loss;
Murdoch Forced to Re-Think Policy of Hiring
Olbermann's 'Worst Persons in the World'
CEOs, Bankers on Wall Street Used Corporate
Credit Cards for Sex That Charged Outrageous
Interest Rates, Says New York Madam
Subprime Mortgage Foreclosed on Giuseppe Zanotti
Pump; Old Woman and All Her Children Evicted, Join
Ranks of Homeless
"Unfortunately, yer girl ain’t made for camera lenses.
Aside from the fact that I am unable to 'smile for the
camera' without looking terrified, I’m also dead chubby
and I understand the camera adds 10 or 70 lbs. And of
course, the Lord’s overgenerous endowment in my
chestal area makes any notion of camera work unthinkable,
particularly in HD where the girls might terrify some."
The Anchoress
I Remember Dubya #5
George Bush in Training for His Position as
Door Greeter at Elliott's Hardware in Dallas
White House Plans New Faith-Based Council
to Bail Out Old Faith-Based Council
"Being a recovering Carmex junkie yourself, Governor,
what advice do you have for young people who are
tempted to experiment with gateway lip balms,
like Blistex and ChapStick?"

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Because So Much Was Riding on His Tires
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #10
Pete Sessions
Nair® Smuggler Nabbed in Australian Airport
Drink Responsibly
"Aren't you just about done back there?"
Another Former Dallas Cowboy Arrested,
Joins America's Team of Innocent Criminals
It's official: Chris Matthews has the narrowest
shoulders of any man in the mainstream media.
From 'Mad Dog of the Middle East' to Chairperson:
How Far Muammar Gaddafi Has Fallen
Kiosque d'Amour Opens in Congo; Operators See
It as First Link in Emerging Chain of Kissing Booths
The Perils of Butt-Sniffing
Dog Prevents Rubber Chicken Attack on Golden Gate Bridge
Spider-Man Takes Up Golf
Flag Desecration #14
Retired Western Leaders Find Pot of Acapulco
Gold at the End of the Rainbow
New Poll Shows Rush Limbaugh Less Popular Than
William Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, Proctologists
Tegucigalpa Police Keep Soccer Crowd in Line

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

To watch the Democrats and the Republicans battling
over how to best 'stimulate' the economy is reminiscent
of Godzilla and King Ghidorah going toe-to-toe in
downtown Tokyo: regardless of who triumphs, the
city is going to be destroyed.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #9
Tom Coburn
At the beginning of the interview, the former Vice President
had been rather cool and distant. But when he started talking
about an Obama-caused nuclear terrorist attack on the
U. S., he really warmed up.
"Never you mind those bears who call you 'Four-Eyes'.
You're a Spectacled Bear and that's something to be
proud of."
New Faith-Based Initiative Designed to Save Stock Market
Woman Denies Her Record-Breaking 38KKK Bust Is Racist
Alberto Gonzales Threatening to Contribute
More to His Community and His Country
President Dumbfounded When Second-Grader
Utters Obscene Neologism
"Fortunately, Ms. Couric, we were able to resolve
our connectivity issues without having to call in the
Geek Squad."
Kazakh Officer Explains 'Operation Sandbox'
AP writer Charles Babington, seen by some as a
fantasist, has been captured by the gravitational
pull of Washington forces and now orbits
Columbus Circle.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

"Tax cuts! Tax cuts! Tax cuts! Tax cuts!"
"Are those the only two words your parrot knows?"
"Yep, it's a Republican."
This Blackberry was once owned by the Obama
transition team member responsible for vetting
Tom Daschle.

His Game Boy suffered a similar fate.