Saturday, April 21, 2018

Trump Denies Report That He Calls Sessions ‘Mr. Magoo’
Donald Trump has been afraid of Roger Stone for years.
Trump Denies Calling Mr. Magoo 'Jeff Sessions'
No one could verbally abuse women
like Little Big Man.
Ted Cruz is Mr. the Toady.
Missouri Governor Eric Greitens Buffs His Résumé with 
Another Felony Charge, Says He's Increasing His Chances 
of Landing a Job in the Trump Administration
No one could imagine someone who could defraud the
entire universe until Trump came along.

Friday, April 20, 2018

Ted Cruz Sez:  "Trump is a 'sniveling coward', 
a 'pathological liar', 'utterly amoral', 'a narcissist 
at a level I don't think this country's ever seen', 'a 
'big loud New York bully', a 'serial philanderer',
 'a train wreck', and 'consistently disgraceful'. 
Why else would I kiss his ass?"
World's Worst Yoobs #198
Mercedes Schlapp
"Robert Jeffress is a self-serving, power-hungry pastor 
who will side with the Devil himself for the sake of political
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #728
Bob Genetski
"Vladimir Putin told me Russia has some of the
 most beautiful hookers in the world. Believe me, 
I was shocked a world leader would say something
 like that!"
To all the wingnuts who believed the release of the 
Comey Memos would knock the Trump opposition 
on its ass: nice try, but no cigar.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Mussolini Joins Cheetolini 'For the Good of the Country'
Was anyone surprised to learn Meghan McCain is a big
fan of J. Edgar Hoover?
Oxymorons for Our Time #193
Trump Adviser
It takes a long time to count to a billion. Take Trump, 
for example. Counting at the rate of $1 a second, it would
 take him about 7.3 years to count to $1 billion. That's
just one of the many crosses he has to bear.
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #114
Jim Geraghty
Chris Christie’s $85,000 Official Portrait Costs
 More Than His Three Predecessors Combined; 
"That's Because I'm Larger Than My Three
 Predecessors Combined," Christie Rebutted
Charlie Kirk wants everyone to know what TPUSA stands for.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #727
Charlie Kirk
It stands to reason that Don Blankenship, the Dark Lord
of Coal Country and an ex-con, would be running for the 
Senate as a GOPer in West Virginia, the state which 
ranks dead  last in America for environmental quality.
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #174
Larry Kudlow, Post-Nikkification

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

"Mama, O'Rourke is Beto-ing me again!"
It's easy to not confuse Andre Bauer with Nikki Haley.
Tucker Carlson Refashions Daily Caller,
Decides to Go Head-to-Head with National
Enquirer for the Supermarket Tabloid
Oxymorons for Our Time #192
Mulvaney Investigation
Lawyers for Trump's Attorney's Lawyers Say They All 
Have Fools for Clients
Remember when conservatives were opposed to allowing
women to serve in combat or hazardous duty roles in
the military?  Tammie Jo Shults has demonstrated just
how wrong they were.  Plus she saved the lives of 148
passengers and crew aboard Southwest 1380 to boot.
Warm Scuzzies #798
Ed Ahlersmeyer
Former Secretary of State Believes Trump Hasn't 
Reached 'Peak Moron' Yet
Profile in Miasma
"What does Trump believe in?" is the wrong question. 
"What does Trump believe in on April 18, 2018, at 11:46
 AM EDT, when the temperature is 50° F and the humidity
 is 41%?" is the right question.
"Mark Zuckerberg is such a cardboard cutout."
"Don't you mean 'cut up'?"
"No, cutout."
"We were good fellas. Wiseguys."
"Honey, there's an astronaut at the front door who's asking 
if you're interested in candid photography?"
"If it's Eric Greitens, the Governor of Missouri,
tell him we don't have a camera."

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #173
Ma & Pa Kettle Go to the Morgue
Studies show the $1 difference between 
$19,999 and $20,000 has a considerable 
effect on sales with items whose prices end
 with 99 far outselling those ending with 00.
Trump With Lawyers vs. Trump Without Lawyers
Adventures in Aestheticism #15
Megan McArdle had hoped to become a writer for the 
National Enquirer, but the bias against conservatives 
forced her to become an op-ed columnist for 
The Washington Post instead.
The 'instant rush of utter unfairness' still lingered 
six years after Richard Cohen learned he was only 
the 8th Runner-Up for 'Wanker of the Decade'.
Oh Bury Me Not Under Old Cliches #5
China Introduces the TrumpBus; New Widetrack,
High-Clearance Design Ideal for Autocrats Who
Need More Room for Throwing Flunkies Under
the Bus
Stinky Zinke believes his Bachelor of Science degree in 
geology makes him a geologist. If that's true, then a Bachelor 
of Arts degree in the humanities must make you a humanist.
Rebellious Youth Says He Doesn't Believe in 
Pablo Picasso
Don Blankenship, the Dark Lord of Coal Country, Vows
to Boldly Lead West Virginia into the Nineteenth Century
Pakistani Team Favored in Upcoming
Synchronized Silly Walks Competition
Oxymorons for Our Time #191
Hannity's Ethics
To every thing there is a season.
A time to laugh, and a time to mourn.