Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Got Woody?
"Sorry, but Picasso seems to be stuck between
his Blue Period and his Rose Period and isn't
hiring any new models right now."

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Still Possible William Barr Is
an Anaphylactic Reaction to
Do you have any idea how many storks have been
 grounded because of Amazon?
Actually, a vacuum cleaner doesn't clean vacuums, but if it did
 and you cleaned it, wouldn't you be a vacuum cleaner cleaner?
The Nativity Demythologized
From the Infancy Gospel of Mogen David
Majestic Plural (Nudge-Nudge, Wink-Wink)
Has Christopher Steele driven a wedge 
between father and daughter?
"Did you know that 'It's crackers to slip a rozzer the
 dropsy in snide' means 'It's a bad idea to try to bribe
 a policeman with counterfeit money'?"
Impeachment is a tragedy, not a comedy, so stop laughing.

Monday, December 09, 2019

Live.  Eat.  Shop,  Reuse.
Steve Castor's Life in a Nutshell
Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow
Were you born in the ninth month?  Well, shame on you!
The Fabulous Speedo Brothers!
Operators Are Standing By Because 
Somebody Stole Their Chairs
Trump Scarfs $120,000 Banana
Purchase Price of Local Man's Snapshot of Photographer
 Taking Picture of 'The Comedian' Includes Free Shipping
"Did you know the first documented occurrence of the
middle finger gesture in the United States was by a 
baseball pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters in 1886?"
"Do your worst!" Spartacus taunted the Romans. 
"I will live to be 103!"
Mayor Pete Tries to Baffle the Professor

Sunday, December 08, 2019

Rabbit Pleads Guilty to Spending $600 for Airfare to Send 
Duncan Hunter To and From Washington, D. C., to Purchase 
24 Carrot Cake
Warm Scuzzies #899
Seema Verma
United Daughters of the Confederacy Blame
 'Outside Agitators' for Ruining Christmas
Their debate over the 'original understanding' of the 
Second Amendment had taken a violent turn.
Playmobil Trump Bombs Bigly at the Box Office
Being oblivious was his only hope.
Guarding the Gonads
Heads of State Head-to-Head

Saturday, December 07, 2019

Trump Complains It Takes 10-15 Flushes to Get Rid of the 
Lightbulbs Which Make Him Look Orange
The Emperor's New Tat
If you hear someone exclaim, "Melania Trump is 
such a caution!" the speaker is using the word, 
'caution', in its slang sense.  Anything that staggers
 you or excites alarm is said to be a 'caution'. 
In this version of the legend, the Joker is the hero.
Know Your Corvidae
Sign of the Times #81
Not to Be Confused with Speed Humps
Whereas Don Quixote tilted at windmills,
Donald Trump tilts at toilets.
Q: "How many Trumps does it take to screw 
in an incandescent lightbulb?"
A: "One, when he's not out haranguing about 
'Low-Flow Toilets'.  Two, when he is."

Friday, December 06, 2019

Beware of Imitations
Accept No Substitutes
Nikki Haley Takes Aim At the College Freshman Demographic
Medieval Tonsorial Humor
"It's like a religious epiphany," she said rapturously.
On the Campaign Trail with Andrew Yang
Alex Jones Springs a Leak
Lawyers Now Using The Big Book of Conspiracies in 
Cases Where Trumpniks Opt for the Insanity Defense
Deadlier Than the Japanese Surprise Attack
 on Pearl Harbor
Translated into English, Ukraine means
Come to think of it, when the light is just right,
Devin Nunes even looks Ukrainian.

Thursday, December 05, 2019

How to Hug Yourself in One Easy Step
Doughy Pantload at 35,000 Feet