Saturday, September 25, 2010

"My hair is bigger than yours!"
Liberal critics were surprised to learn that
 it's no longer good form to say that Warner
 Todd Huston is 'mentally handicapped'.
Instead, they must now say that he has 
an 'intellectual disability'.
"Hmmm, that Steve King guy sure looks
like an Iowa corn-packer to me."
Careful!  Touch Glenn Beck's fries and
he'll give you a carrot enema.
Take a look at the photographs in the Republican Party's
A Pledge to America, and you'll see that the document
should have been titled, A Pledge to White America.
Rude Rhymes #27

Dead Loris

Dick Morris
Warm Scuzzies #108
Michael Caputo

Friday, September 24, 2010

Things to Avoid #22
Dan Maes's Political Strategists
"When you say someone is 'a pain in the neck',
Ma Pang, what exactly do you mean?"
Mao Zedong's Great Leap Forward Toward Walmart
Now Believed to Have Cost the Lives of
45 Million Chinese
"Omigod, here comes another guy who thinks he's Jesus!"
Too late, the old man realized that an Adjustable-Rate
Burial was not a good idea.
"Welcome to Tattoo Mart!"
"I pledge allegiance to the Forbes 400 and
to the plutocracy for which it stands,
one multinational, under Mammon, with
corporate welfare and tax cuts for all."
"All that meat, and no potatoes
Just ain't right, like green tomatoes
Yeah, I'm waiting
But all that meat, and no potatoes."
I Remember Dubya #39
"Gosh, what on earth do you hunt with
a .50-caliber blowgun like that?"
"Yeah. I think it would be extremely naive of us, Mr. President,
to imagine that these new developments are going to cause
any change in Tea Party expansionist policy. I mean, we
must be increasingly on the alert to prevent them from
taking over more Congressional space, in order to breed
more prodigiously than we do, thus, knocking us out in
superior numbers when Americans vote in the 2012
presidential election. Mr. President, we must not allow
an enthusiasm gap!"
Oxymorons for Our Time #63
Dead Heat
Are Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin ruining
narcissism for the rest of us?
Who among you was surprised to learn that the Republican
Party's 'A Pledge to America' was authored by a lobbyist
for AIG, ExxonMobil, and Pfizer?
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #223
Tim Walberg
"Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome
the Brothers Grim!"
Fearguth has never bought a lottery ticket in his life.
Is it because he is opposed to gambling? No.  It's
because he's afraid he might win.
What do you call candidates for public office who refuse
to debate their opponents, who refuse to hold press
conferences, and who refuse to appear on Sunday
morning talk shows? If you're polite, you call them
'Fraidy Cats'. If you're impolite, you call them

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Iranian President Joins Forces with American 9/11 Truthers;
Are Birthers Next on His List?
Joe Miller Big Favorite with Alaskan Musket-Worshippers
World's Worst Yobs #182
George Neumayr
Scientists Uncover Skull from Horniest Dinosaur
Ever, Speculate It May Be Fossilized Remains of
Penisaurus Erectus
Doctor Says 'Pledge to America' Induces Anesthesia
More Effectively and Less Expensively Than Diprivan
Reverend Eddie Long to Play Lead Role in
Re-Make of Monty Python's The Bishop
When you look at Gail Lowe's face,
'education' is not the first word
that comes to mind.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #222
Randy Rives

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar do not masturbate.
But they do copulate a lot.
Following Christine O'Donnel's lead, Michael
Steele says, "No!"
For the Pentagon to call propaganda 'aggressive
messaging' is just another exercise in Pentagon
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #123
The length of the Iraq War has been measured in
Friedman Units, where '1 Friedman Unit = 6 Months'.
The length of the Afghanistan War will be measured
in Petraeus Units, where '1 Petraeus Unit = Forever'.
Sarko the Giant Accidentally Hypnotized
by Romanian President
Nevada Governor Hurt in Fall from
Twinkie the Horse at Ranch
"Senator Chambliss, did someone in your Atlanta
office say all faggots must die or just some?"
When are Robert Stacy McCain and his teabagger brethren
going to man up and say, "Hell, yes, we're racists, and damn
proud of it! So, put that in your pipe and smoke it!"?
Warm Scuzzies #107
Ken Kratz
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #221
Stephen Broden
Larry Summers Leaving White House
Two Years Too Late
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #122
In 1993, 45% of Americans said they owned a gun.
In 2009, that percentage had dropped to 33%.
What does this mean? Either (1) some gun
owners in 2009 were lying or (2) gun ownership
is becoming déclassé.
Rude Rhymes #26

Backed-Up Drain

John McCain

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Warm Scuzzies #106
Robert Rizzo