Saturday, May 02, 2015

In the Early Days of Electronica
Like the youth who claimed he read Playboy for the articles, 
the baby claimed he suckled at his mother's breast for 
the nutrition.
Quite obviously, the Wisconsin food stamp 
police are unaware of the erotic potential 
of cheese curds.
[Blocking access to Velveeta has to qualify as 
cruel and unusual punishment.]

Friday, May 01, 2015

Baltimore police say the ant had been squashed for making 
eye contact with officers and then crawling away.
David Brooks Prepares to Explore
'The Nature of Poverty' for the
New York Times
Warm Scuzzies #551
Mile High Heating & Cooling, Inc.
As time went on, Greg Abbott began to look and sound like
 Jimmy Swaggart more and more.  Their only significant
difference was that Jimmy had been defrocked for
sexual improprieties and Greg hadn't.
"What's Mike Huckabee so worked up about?"
"Oh, he's just speaking Jesus again."
Ben Shapiro gets the old heave-ho from
David Horowitz's Truth Revolt.  Who will 
be next to 'unmask leftists in the media, destroy
 their credibility, and devastate their funding'? 
Stay tuned!

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Pat McDonough Sez:  “All Your Food Stamps 
Are Belong to Me!”
"See!  I told you Jeb Bush had never been wormed, but
 you just wouldn't believe me!"
"I called David Koch and pretended I was Scott Walker.
I really had him going until I didn't ask for any money
 and he knew immediately I wasn't a goggle-eyed 
What Really Severed Freddie Gray's Spine Was When 
He Dived 50 Feet into a Moist Sponge
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #626
Mat Staver
Two Jacobins, Proud Members of the Cult of 
Sexual Autonomy
See the madness!  Feel the madness!  Be the madness!
Shouldn't someone tell Bob Welch that Jade Helm 15 is 
just a red herring to distract from the fact that Texas 
already has 31 permanent military installations?
What Senator Cruz Is Pointing Out Today #19
A Jade Helm 15 Texas Takeover Map
Texas discount shoppers were deeply distressed and 
agitated when they learned their local Walmart was in
 cahoots with the Army's Jade Helm 15 plot to confiscate
 their guns and impose martial law.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Attempted Military Takeover of Texas Thwarted by
the Lone Star State's Own Dynamic Duo,
Ted Nugent and Greg Abbott
GOP Blames Baltimore Riot on Hillary Clinton's 
Email Server
Why Ronald McDonald Is Going to Be Sacked
The mass of GOPers today are leading lives
 of noisy desperation.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #625
Kevin Calvey
IT continued to spy, but IT kept IT so secret IT didn't
 know IT was doing IT, until one day IT didn't know
 what IT was and everybody started asking, "What is IT?"
United States, Inc.
A gay Republican legislator from
North Dakota who votes against
gay rights says it's only an accident
his name is Randy Boehning.
This young man is about to commit a 'senseless act of
violence'.  Isn't an act of violence 'senseless' by definition?
Or, are there 'sensible acts of violence'?

Monday, April 27, 2015

Immigration Reform Plans #2
Mexican-American Residents of Wisconsin Propose Simple, 
One-Step Immigration Reform Plan: Build a Wall Around 
Scott Walker
Marco Rubio says, “There is no federal constitutional right
 to same-sex marriage."  There is no federal constitutional
right to opposite-sex marriage, either.  In fact, the word
'marriage' does not appear in the Constitution at all.
Marco may as well have said, "There is no Declaration
 of Independence right to same-sex marriage" or "There is
no End-User License Agreement right to same-sex
April Is the Cruelest Month
When he began to act as if he were hanging on the cross, 
you knew Senator Cruz's Messianic Complex had gone 
full tilt boogie.
John Nolte Sez:  "Like sex outside of marriage or 
lying, homosexuality is a sin, being gay is not."
[So if someone asks, "Are you homosexual?"
you can truthfully reply, "No, I'm gay."]
Roil Jordan, roil
Roil Jordan, roil
He's gotta repeal Obamacare
Before he dies.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Is Cedric Green a criminal or a cop?  Judging by his looks
alone, it would be hard to tell which.  Actually, he's both:
  a New Mexico cop who turned off his body cam before
beating an unresisting suspect, then turning it back on
 after satisfying his sadistic impulse.  He's now been 
charged with misdemeanor aggravated battery and 
is on administrative leave.
Mike Huckabee Sez:  "We are moving rapidly towards the 
criminalization of Christianity.”
[If  Mike's a Christian, we're not moving toward 
criminalization nearly rapidly enough.]
They outnumbered him 30 to 1, but he had them surrounded.
Big Bigots, Little Bigots #59
David Morgan
The difference between Leaders and Followers is this:  
Leaders pretend to know where we're headed and 
Followers don't even pretend.
"If you think my Joy Buzzer is funny, Rick, you should
sit on my Poo-Poo Cushion."
John McCain is such a cheater he even peeks when he
does a facepalm.
Bruce Jenner credits eating Wheaties
for converting him from a male
liberal Democrat to a female
conservative Republican.
Rick Barclay Sez:  "'Murica!  'Murica!  'Murica!"
[He's so patriotic he buys pocket-size
Constitutions by the case.]
How long will we have to keep reminding ourselves that
 Fat Tony Scalia is not the Capo de Tutti Frutti of the
 Lou Costello Crime Family?