Sweeping generalizations is a task best left to janitors,
sanitation engineers, and other experts in
broom management.

Michael Steele Voted 'Mr. Strategist' by Double 6
Domino Players League

"Although he's much too modest to say so himself, Prime
Minister Berlusconi is a lot like Jesus and Napoleon. Is it
any wonder, then, that he's the most popular leader in the
world today?"

Pageant Paid for Blonde Joke's Boob Job

Suede, with grosgrain ribbon laces and metallic pink
toe caps, Michelle Obama's Lanvin sneakers cost $540.
Sounds outrageous until you realize that's only $270
a foot.

Another Fissure Opens in the
Republican Road to Nowhere

President Says Supreme Court Nominee Must Be
'Sober as a Judge', Must Not Hiccup Irresponsibly

Although there is no evidence the H1N1 virus can be
transmitted over the Internet, some cybernauts are
taking no chances.

Epidemiologists fear the worst is yet to
come in the cable news pandemic.

"Sure, you can call me Honey."

Four Reasons Justice Souter Is Retiring: 1) Antonin Scalia,
2) Clarence Thomas, 3) John Roberts, and 4) Samuel Alito

Party Pigs Celebrate Renaming of Virus
from 'Swine Flu' to 'H1N1 Influenza A'

World's Worst Yobs #91
Jay Severin

As a rule, you reach the 'tipping point' after
you finish your meal.

"The more often Americans go to church, the more
likely they are to support the torture of suspected
terrorists, according to a new survey."

Statue of Reimbursement, Repayment, and Restitution

Should've Been Separated at Birth
(But Weren't)

Beltway Boys Finally Coffinized After
Being Moribund for Over Ten Years

Fearguth has just arrived in Memphis, Tennessee,
where he will be enjoying the Beale Street Music
Festival, May 1-3, 2009. Posting may be a bit
spotty and irregular over the next few days,
but he's making no promises.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #39
Virginia Foxx

When Painters' Masks Simply Aren't Enough

Why does President Obama need Secret Service protection
when he's inside FBI Headquarters?

Acting U.S. Assistant Secretary of Treasury for
Financial Stabilization Neel Kashkari was
stumped when the Congressman asked,
"Why don't you shave your eyebrows, too?"

"Need a better name for 'Swine Flu'? May I suggest,
'Gidda Grippe'?"

The news is that U.S. officials want 'swine' out of
the name of the flu that's going around. Pinky
and Perky think that's a great idea and are
ready to party.

Representative Jim DeMint (R-SC) told Rick Sanchez today
that "the biggest tent of all is freedom." He even showed
Rick a picture of it.

"Please don't start calling Senator Specter a 'Blue Tick
Democrat'. That would really offend my hound dog
sensibility!"

Mike Carona, former sheriff of Orange County, had reached
into his pocketful of miracles again, but this time he came
up empty-handed. He'd now have over five years in prison
to figure out why God had forsaken him.

"Congratulations, Mr. Kiriakou! Your reward for telling
whoppers to ABC News, CNN, NPR, MSNBC, CBS, the
Washington Post, and the New York Times is to
become a senior staff member with the Senate
Foreign Relations Committee."

Is the Porter Goss who is now condemning the release
of the torture memos the same Porter Goss who hired
Dusty Foggo--now in federal prison--and who resigned
suddenly and mysteriously in 2006 as director of the CIA?
Normally, the answer would be 'Yes', but since the essence
of the CIA is deception and deceit, it's hard to say.

"Pardon me for keeping my distance, but in my opinion,

more swine are likely to die from the fear of getting the
flu than from the flu itself."

"Scientists have only recently confirmed what indigenous

healers have known for centuries, namely, that turquoise,

especially when worn around the neck, has powerful

anti-viral properties."

"I know torture may be hard to define, Jack,
but I know it when I see it!"

If you happen to see a VW Porkubus in your neighborhood, don't panic.

A new ABC News Poll shows that 69% of the American
people approve of the job Barack Obama is doing as
President. Are these the same people pundits often
refer to as 'Hard Leftists'?

"Feed me!"
"Stuff a sock in it, greedhead! Feed ME!"

It's only in Chapter 15 that you learn Tim Geithner
and The Clutching Hand are one and the same.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #38
James Bopp, Jr.

How to Kiss a Catholic During a Pandemic

Wall Street observers say John Thain and Ken Lewis
aren't nearly as annoying when their mouths are
closed and they whine through their noses.

Since the banksters put their economy in the toilet,
Icelanders have decided to return the favor.

PÁNICO

Rumor has it that Matt Drudge thinks he has died and
gone to fearmongers' heaven.

As a devout Muslim, is Mahmoud Abbas
immune to swine flu?

There Was a Crooked Man Who Had a Crooked Face

Isn't it about time to pull the plug on David Broder's
judgments of right and wrong? His conscience is on
life support and his moral sense has been in a
persistent vegetative state for years.

Latest Poll Shows 50% Believe America Headed
in Right Direction on Wrong Track; 48% Believe
America Headed in Wrong Direction on Right
Track; 2% Missed the Train

South Korean Student Takes Precautionary
Measure Against Swine Flu

Had it received 38,000 doses of antiviral medication
from the Centers for Disease Control, Texas might
have been spared the worst effects of the Great Swine
Flu Invasion of 2009. Unfortunately, by that time,
the Governor of Texas had led a successful campaign
to have his state secede from the Union.

Republican Rump Quartet Releases New Career
Retrospective, "Gimme That Old-Time Kabuki"