Saturday, March 22, 2008

Carville Compares Richardson to Judas

Richardson Compares Carville to Gollum
World's First Gigayacht Features Garden, Pool, Tennis Court,
and Two of Every Living Thing on Earth; Builder Calls
It Gilligan's Ark
"I'm Zacchaeus, a wee little man. What are
the rest of you dudes doing in this
sycamore tree?"
Young Man Crucified for Wearing Scuzzy Beard

Friday, March 21, 2008

When the President passed away unexpectedly,
Vice President Gerard Van der Leun became

President Gerard Van der Leun.
Emperor Hirohito of Japan said today the United States has
declared it wants a nuclear weapon to destroy people and
that it could be hiding a secret program.
The Flogging Dutchman Begins to Flag
"I will stay on top of the passport scandal and get to
the bottom of it. How I can stay on top and get to the
bottom at the same time, I haven't figured out yet,
but I'm confident Paul Wolfowitz will."

You are sitting behind the President's desk in the Oval Office.
Five minutes from now, you will be delivering an address
to the American people televised by all the networks.
What will you say?
"Pssst, George! As I am the symbol of wisdom, you are
the symbol of absurdity, bunkum, claptrap, craziness,
dumbness, folly, foolishness, horse feathers, idiocy,
irrationality, ludicrousness, poppycock, preposterousness,
stupidity, tommyrot, twaddle, and witlessness. Sigh! At
a moment like this, even Roget fails me."
Amazingly, parrots, like ants, can lift up to 
50 times their own weight.
Paramilitary Police in China, the 21st Century's Sleeping Giant

Apple iSandwich Stuffed with All-Malkin Baloney

World's Worst Jobs #77
Chinese Cinder Dump Forager
William Saletan believes that while the war with
Iraq has turned out to be a 'dumb war', a war
with Iran would be a 'smart war'. That's about
what you would expect from Michael Kinsley's
ugly brother.
Condi's Cat Disciplined for 'Imprudent Curiosity'
Only the brave have enough courage to
watch flamingos spar.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Irving Lewis "Scooter" Libby has been disbarred
from practicing law in the District of Columbia.
He is, however, still free to practice breaking
the law anytime and anywhere he wishes, so
long as George Bush is still in office.
“I don’t claim that I won’t misspeak on occasion, but not
to worry, Joe Lieberman will correct it immediately.”
The Unexpurgated Bible #13
"They shall be ashamed, and also confounded, all of them:
they shall go to confusion together that are makers of
American Idols."
World's Worst Yobs #29
Joe Scarborough
On the day George Bush became President in January, 2001,
the average price of a gallon of gasoline in California was
$1.68. Fortunately, the price of walking has remained stable.
Nursing Home for Elderly NeoNazis
"The annual meeting of the Ex-Propellerhead Society for the
Preservation of Perpetual Virginity will now come to order."
What a day for Shelby to daydream about
the white man he might have been.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

When the American consumer is finally laid to rest
under six feet of debt, this will be the tombstone.
Would you mind if Faten Shwaykan moves in
next door along with her two pet hyenas?
If you were a miner in China, the risks associated with cigarette
smoking would probably be the least of your worries.

President Bush and his recession SWAT team got on top of the
situation by first getting snockered with a single Rum and Coke.
Although his approval rating had fallen to 26%,
the President took comfort in the fact that he
was twice as popular as the Congress, whose
approval rating had fallen to 13%.
"Behold the height of the stars, how high they are!
And then there's the soccer ball."

The Gods Must Be Crazy

"Those are the Men in Black. They keep track of all the aliens who
have come to Earth since George Bush was elected President."
Dick Cheney, a Gasbag as Empty as the State of Wyoming
"C'mon, John, lemme see your tan lines."

"Five years later, I still know where the weapons of
mass destruction are. They’re in the area around Tikrit
and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat."
Would you buy a used war from this man?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Confederate Battle Elephant
Chairman of RMMCC (Republican Monkeys for McCain Campaign
Committee) Suspected of Embezzling One Million Bananas
Eliot Spitzer's Fall from Grace Attributed to Liporexia
Recent Discovery Suggests Soccer Was Brought
to Earth by Ancient Astronauts
Popular in Spain, El Colacho (the Baby-Jumping
Festival) bids fair to become a demonstration
sport at the 2012 Olympic Games in London.
The very thought of seven more months of the presidential 
race is enough to make you a believer in Spontaneous 
Human Disgustion.
If women were permitted to wear high heels only so long as
men had to wear them, too, this shoe style would go out
of fashion overnight.
Former Senator Bill Frist wants to build an 8-foot
wall around his home in Nashville. "I'll feel much
more secure within my own Green Zone," he says.
Sign of the Times #2
Bad Sign on Wall Street