Saturday, March 21, 2015

"Crazy Uncle Ted?  No, you must
be confusing me with Ted Nugent."
A California couple has decided to get married as many
times and in as many countries as the Republicans in 
the House of Representatives have voted to repeal 
Obamacare.  That would be almost 60 times---
and counting.
When you see monsters like Joyce
Hardin Garrard, you are made
to wonder:  whither evolution?
"Gee, Mr. President, your circles and verticals are better 
than your horizontals and diagonals."
Br'er Snowden Sez:   "Only please, Br'er DOJ, please don't 
throw me into the Petraeus patch!"
Loretta Lynch Being Held Hostage in the Back of the
Bus by GOP Mob
Americans aren't living in the equivalent of Syria yet, 
but it's not because of the GOP's lack of trying.
"Hands up, you chinless scofflaw!"
Have you tried KFC's Famous Bowl of
Ranting Gohmerts?
"It's time to bomb Iran.  It's the only Christian thing 
to do."
Having an approval rating of only 36% gave Governor
Bruce Rauner a bad case of the sads.
"This way to the gas, Grandma!"
"If you come out, we promise not to Meerkat you."
Allegories for Our Time #31
Fire Extinguisher Factory Destroyed by 
Giant Fire
DOJ Criminal Investigation to Test Aaron Schock's Father's
 Hypothesis That “Two Years from Now He Will Be Successful
 If He’s Not in Jail”

Friday, March 20, 2015

Rick Santorum Answers the Question, "Why is the
 Congress rolling over and letting this communist
 dictator destroy my country?"
Warm Scuzzies #542
Warren Groen
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #618
John Cardillo
"What's that?"
"It's a spine, Governor Walker."
"Well, I need one."
Great Misadventures in Science #10
Rhinoplastic and Third-Eye Transplant Surgeons
Get Their Wires Crossed
Hey, all you obese poor people out there!  Have you tried 
Louie Gohmert's new Empty Cupboard Diet Plan?
"Hey, Vernal Equinox, it's Ernest!"
Senator Cotton's favorite breakfast is

Eggs Benedict Arnold.
In Big Sandy, Montana, you don't bring a knife to a
knifefight; you bring a chainsaw.
On Twitter, Larry King likes to say, "Sacre Bleu,  I'm
still alive!"
Breaking News Mashups #12
'Disgraced Cardinal Cleared to Fly'
General Betrayus looks better in fatigues.
He now better understood what being 'heterodox' meant.
'Netanyahu Backpedals on Two-State Comments', the 
headline read.  He had learned how to backpedal
as a child.
"When you come to Israel for my victory celebration, Mr. 
Speaker, shedding tears of joy will be very appropriate."

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Andrea Tantaros Opens Mouth, Reveals Secret Location 
of Batcave
The World According to Koch
"Do we really want everybody eating wings?  I don’t think so!"
"What's that?"
"It's a Thermomix.  It's like a KFC Famous Bowl,
but you can't eat it."
Truth in Advertising #7
Donald Trump Displays Latest Advance in Oral Hygiene
 Technology: Truth in Advertising Implants
Frankencroc, the Carolina Butcher, ruled North Carolina
 231 million years ago much like Senators Richard Burr
 and Thom Tillis do today.
A new study suggests if you were breastfed, 
you'll end up earning more and have a 
higher IQ.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

When the election is held to replace Aaron
Schock in Congress, will candidates have
to be fans of Downton Abbey?
At 75, David Koch's only worry was that he might die 
before realizing his full potential as a heartless bastard.
Ugly Ink Makes Supremely White Ryan
 Giroux Go on Arizona Shooting Rampage

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #617
Michele Fiore
World's Worst Yobs #325
Matthew Hennessey
San Francisco Catholic Church
 Installs Watering System 
to Ward Off Homeless
"I’ve made my decision – I’m out. I’m out of the Republican 
Party. I am not a Republican; I will not give a dime to the 
Republican Party. I’m out. I highly recommend – run from 
the Republican Party. They are not good.  They are not 
nearly crazy enough to suit me."
"Home, Jameson!  I've always wanted to say that."
"Shrug, shrug, shrug
They call me the Shrugger."
After his rather precipitous fall
from grace, Aaron Schock should
consider changing his surname 
to Schlock.
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #68
Bo Watson