Futurist Really Sweating America's Enemies

in the 22nd Century

Sarko the Giant Weds Carla Bruni, Mick Jagger's
Hand-Me-Down; "Maybe Now I Can Get Some
Satisfaction," Sarko Says

The Day Nikola Learned That Nothing Came Between Cyril

and His Shorts, Not Even His Calvins

For maximum brightness and true colors, North Korean

birders recommend that you only buy binoculars with

fully multi-coated optics.

Now that Rudy Giuliani is out of the race for President,

Norman Podhoretz is looking for someone else to advise.

If he shows up at your front door, you might tell him--

firmly, but politely--to go suck an egg.

Contrary to what you may have seen on Fox News,

being a polar bear 24/7/365 is hard work.

Jake Tapper, the Abecedarian Rapper

John McCain is proud to have been banded for 2008. Banding,

as you know, is a universal and indispensable technique for

studying the movement, behavior, and survival of

presidential candidates.

Eisenhower's Granddaughter Endorses Obama;

Grover Cleveland's Great-Great Granddaughter

Endorses John McCain

Tomorrow, February 3, is Blogroll Amnesty Day.

Dave Dugan and Jon Swift explain what's goin' down.

Just remember it's B.A.D., it's nationwide.

"Whoa! Still more sins to wash away. Under you

go again!"

209 Cats, 3 Dogs Seized by SPCA from Bonham, Texas Home;

Authorities Say Cat/Dog Ratio "Way Out of Whack"

As the first quadruped to play professional tennis,

Mara Santangelo didn't win many tournaments,

but she was a big hit with all four-legged creatures.

When Laura Bush's favorability rating fell to 54%,

she took decisive action and fired her cosmetologist.

Eric Sprague, the Lizard Man, has gradually emerged as
a viable alternative to Texas Governor Rick Perry in the
race to become the Republican nominee for Vice President.

Epaulette Shark Keeping Low Profile, Still Deciding

Whether to Endorse Clinton or Obama

Sancho, the Emperor Tamarin, claims that, in

monkey years, he is older than John McCain.

Desert Pundits Decry Viewing the U. S.

Presidential Campaign as a Camel Race

Fearguth's Rules of Order #9

When dining with a panda, remember that

Asian cultures have no taboo against using

a toothpick at the table.

"Halt, knave, or I shall be forced to find out

if you're truly faster than a speeding bullet!"

John McCain Endorsed by Village Idiot

"Right before blowing herself up, she yelled,

'The surge is working, the surge is working!'"

John McCain Follows Osama Bin Laden to the

Gates of Hell; Satan Gives Both a Warm Welcome

Before the Palestinian family knew it, their ass was in a sling.

Palestinian Children in Training for NRA Membership

Starving Students Movers Overwhelmed by Kenyan Demand

Spy Satellite So Secretive It Refuses to Tell the

Military Where It Will Crash and Burn

Unless you want a fat lip, do not ask Lt. General

Russell Honoré if he is a 'compassionate conservative'.

When a chronic bullshitter appears at your doorstep,

there's only one thing to do: change your altitude.

John Bolton, former Two-Toned Ambassador to the UN,

has admitted he purchased his moustache from the

mail-order catalog.

The little boy had begun to wonder if his dad's

Huckabee yardsign implant was a good idea.

Women had given him the cold shoulder before,

but never quite like this.

Worst President Ever Gives Worst Wink and a Smile Ever

McCain's Florida Victory Inflames Conservative Base;

Attempts to Contain Blaze Thwarted by Fiery Rhetoric

and Hot Air

"The heinousness of torture, the cruelty of it, must be balanced

against the value of the information you might get. So, yes,

Senator, torture can be justified, even though it shocks the

conscience. The end justifies the means, you know."

World's Worst Jobs #71

Haitian Mud Cookie Baker

"No, it's not another terrorist attack on New York. It's the

implosion of Rudy Giuliani's presidential campaign."

Mariade Jesus, Age 112, Won't Vote for John McCain, Age 71;

"He's Too Young and Inexperienced to Be My President," She Says

Real Rudy Collides with Fake Rudy over Florida;

"Luckily, There Were No Survivors,"

NTSB Investigator Says

Michel Gondry says he would rather shove an icicle up

his nose than make a campaign commercial.

Scott Bloch, head of the DOJ's Office of Special Counsel,
gets so little respect these days that no one in his
department will even bother to investigate charges that he
 has politicized his office and retaliated against whistleblowers.

"Sorry, Rudy, but I'm afraid you're toast."

"After re-fueling with Texaco with Techron, the official gasoline

of my campaign, I'll head across the street for breakfast

at McDonald's, the official fast food of my campaign."

Republican Undead Voter Turnout Expected to Be

Heavy in Florida Primary

As the President delivered his final State of the Union address,

Dick Cheney vegged and Nancy Pelosi solved a Sudoku.

The condom umbrella comes in handy when

singing in the rain is just not enough.

Washington Post Journalist Loses Balance, Falls Ass Over

Teakettle into Washington Times Executive Editor's Chair

POTUS SOTU BFD

Madonna and Child Migrating to Southern California

for the Winter