Saturday, February 02, 2008

Futurist Really Sweating America's Enemies
in the 22nd Century
Sarko the Giant Weds Carla Bruni, Mick Jagger's
Hand-Me-Down; "Maybe Now I Can Get Some
Satisfaction," Sarko Says

The Day Nikola Learned That Nothing Came Between Cyril
and His Shorts, Not Even His Calvins
For maximum brightness and true colors, North Korean
birders recommend that you only buy binoculars with
fully multi-coated optics.
Now that Rudy Giuliani is out of the race for President,
Norman Podhoretz is looking for someone else to advise.
If he shows up at your front door, you might tell him--
firmly, but politely--to go suck an egg.
Contrary to what you may have seen on Fox News,
being a polar bear 24/7/365 is hard work.

Jake Tapper, the Abecedarian Rapper
John McCain is proud to have been banded for 2008. Banding,
as you know, is a universal and indispensable technique for
studying the movement, behavior, and survival of
presidential candidates.
Eisenhower's Granddaughter Endorses Obama;
Grover Cleveland's Great-Great Granddaughter
Endorses John McCain
Tomorrow, February 3, is Blogroll Amnesty Day.
Dave Dugan and Jon Swift explain what's goin' down.
Just remember it's B.A.D., it's nationwide.
"Whoa! Still more sins to wash away. Under you
go again!"

Friday, February 01, 2008

209 Cats, 3 Dogs Seized by SPCA from Bonham, Texas Home;
Authorities Say Cat/Dog Ratio "Way Out of Whack"
As the first quadruped to play professional tennis,
Mara Santangelo didn't win many tournaments,
but she was a big hit with all four-legged creatures.
When Laura Bush's favorability rating fell to 54%,
she took decisive action and fired her cosmetologist.
Eric Sprague, the Lizard Man, has gradually emerged as
a viable alternative to Texas Governor Rick Perry in the
race to become the
Republican nominee for Vice President.
Epaulette Shark Keeping Low Profile, Still Deciding
Whether to Endorse Clinton or Obama
Sancho, the Emperor Tamarin, claims that, in
monkey years, he is older than John McCain.
Desert Pundits Decry Viewing the U. S.
Presidential Campaign as a Camel Race
Fearguth's Rules of Order #9
When dining with a panda, remember that
Asian cultures have no taboo against using
a toothpick at the table.
"Halt, knave, or I shall be forced to find out
if you're truly faster than a speeding bullet!"
John McCain Endorsed by Village Idiot
"Right before blowing herself up, she yelled,
'The surge is working, the surge is working!'"

Thursday, January 31, 2008

John McCain Follows Osama Bin Laden to the
Gates of Hell; Satan Gives Both a Warm Welcome

Before the Palestinian family knew it, their ass was in a sling.
Palestinian Children in Training for NRA Membership
Starving Students Movers Overwhelmed by Kenyan Demand

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Spy Satellite So Secretive It Refuses to Tell the
Military Where It Will Crash and Burn
Unless you want a fat lip, do not ask Lt. General
Russell Honoré if he is a 'compassionate conservative'.
When a chronic bullshitter appears at your doorstep,
there's only one thing to do: change your altitude.
John Bolton, former Two-Toned Ambassador to the UN,
has admitted he purchased his moustache from the

mail-order catalog.

The little boy had begun to wonder if his dad's
Huckabee yardsign implant was a good idea.
Women had given him the cold shoulder before,
but never quite like this.

Worst President Ever Gives Worst Wink and a Smile Ever
McCain's Florida Victory Inflames Conservative Base;
Attempts to Contain Blaze Thwarted by Fiery Rhetoric
and Hot Air
"The heinousness of torture, the cruelty of it, must be balanced
against the value of the information you might get. So, yes,
Senator, torture can be justified, even though it shocks the
conscience. The end justifies the means, you know."
World's Worst Jobs #71
Haitian Mud Cookie Baker

"No, it's not another terrorist attack on New York. It's the
implosion of Rudy Giuliani's presidential campaign."

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Mariade Jesus, Age 112, Won't Vote for John McCain, Age 71;
"He's Too Young and Inexperienced to Be My President," She Says
Real Rudy Collides with Fake Rudy over Florida;
"Luckily, There Were No Survivors,"
NTSB Investigator Says
Michel Gondry says he would rather shove an icicle up
his nose than make a campaign commercial.
Scott Bloch, head of the DOJ's Office of Special Counsel,
gets so little respect these days that no one in his
department will even bother to investigate charges that he
 has politicized his office and retaliated against whistleblowers.
"Sorry, Rudy, but I'm afraid you're toast."
"After re-fueling with Texaco with Techron, the official gasoline
of my campaign, I'll head across the street for breakfast
at McDonald's, the official fast food of my campaign."
Republican Undead Voter Turnout Expected to Be
Heavy in Florida Primary
As the President delivered his final State of the Union address,
Dick Cheney vegged and Nancy Pelosi solved a Sudoku.
The condom umbrella comes in handy when
singing in the rain is just not enough.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Washington Post Journalist Loses Balance, Falls Ass Over
Teakettle into Washington Times Executive Editor's Chair
Madonna and Child Migrating to Southern California
for the Winter