Saturday, February 23, 2013

There are a variety of reasons why only 22% of Americans 
self-identify as Republicans. Here are three of them.
“There were fewer declared Republicans in the Harvard Law
 School faculty when I was there than Communists. There 
was one Republican. But there were twelve who would 
say they were Marxists who believed in the Communists 
overthrowing the United States government.  And, yes, 
have a list of their names, tattooed on my left buttock.
Want to see it?”
Microsoft CEO Doing His Baby Egret Impression

Friday, February 22, 2013

"What's up with the tent?"
"Haven't you heard?  It's Rush Limbaugh's
Big Tea Party Revival!"
Mayor Rahm Emanuel's approval rating is 19%.
Analysts disagree why it's so high.
GE Salmon Comes in Three Varieties:  Incandescent, 
Fluorescent, and LED
With a moustache or without, with glasses or without,
Dr. Phil Gingrey is 98% pure wacko.  The other 2% 
is OB/Gyn.
Texas Bans Hunting Immigrants from Helicopters
Louie Gohmert Sez:  "We have got to have
 at least 50 rounds in our magazines because 
on average that’s about how many it takes
 to bring down a drone."
Bob Goodlatte Sez:  "This is a broken immigration system; 
it's had problems for a long time, and I'm going to make 
damn sure it stays that way."
[Did you know dogs in Virginia whistle Dixie?]
Like Dinsdale Piranha, John McCain was cruel, 
but unlike ol' Dinsy, John McCain wasn't fair.
"Goldarnit!  The Second Amendment is the only thing
 standing between us and Sharia Law!"
"'Arrogant ass'? Yes, that would pretty
much sum up my good friend and 
political ally, Senator Ted Cruz."

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Romney Will Resurface at CPAC
Pythia, the Oracle at Delphi, to Raise 
Speaking Fee to $200,000 to Bring It
 into Line with Hillary Clinton's
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #473
Mike Leara
“Obama big radical.  Yum-Yum! Eat 'em up!"
"Urrk been in cave long time.  Urrk come out, see light.  
Urrk agree to expand Medicaid.  Urrk conscience feel
 much better.  Urrk now go hit road."

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Anders Behring Breivik Sez:  "Adam Lanza, you did
good.  But, fortunately, you died way short of my
world record."
"Sequester me baby, sequester me all night long 
I said I want you to 
Sequester me baby, sequester me all night long 
I want you to sequester me 
like my back ain't got no bones." 
Of course David Triglianos owns guns.  
Can't you tell?
"Yes, I wasted millions of dollars in 2012 in an effort 
to defeat my political enemies.  And yes, they defeated
me---temporarily.  But, don't forget:  I'm a multi-
billionaire and a million dollars doesn't mean that
much to me.  So, like the Terminator said, 
'I'll be back!'"  
"No, I'm not David Plouffe, but I sure would like to be!"
He had dreamed of world conquest.  And it might have 
happened had his name been Alexander the Great
instead of David Bossie.
Darth Maul Launches Advertising Campaign
Showing How Much Hard Work Is Involved
 in Being a Dark Lord of the Sith
Darrell Issa doesn't have Bette Davis eyes, but he comes 
close to having Angelina Jolie lips.
Florida Governor Still Tied with First Grader in 
'Who Will Die from Boredom First?' Contest
"Attention, men, attention!  What you are seeing isn't
 radioactive snow.  It's clean coal falling from Kentucky."
"Are you familiar with this gesture?  We
 Aggies call it the 'Scissor-Tail Bird', and
 we only use it when all else fails."
Paul Ryan says that he may or may not run for President 
in 2016. Couldn't all Americans who will be 35 or older 
in 2016 make the same statement?  Yes, they could, but 
they are smarter than that.
Learning that Ben Shapiro had been punked by imaginary 
agents from the chimerical 'Friends of Hamas' gave Chuck 
Hagel a bad case of the Soopy Sads.
Richard Cohen Reported to Be in Hiding from
the Kissing Bandit
Ted Cruz Sez:  "Texans understand the importance 
of the Second Amendment and I don't think 
Washington politicians trying to score political 
points should be taking away a fundamental 
individual right to own a LaRue Tactical 
Optimized Battle Rifle 7.62, made right here
in Leander, Texas."
Woman Quits Smoking on Her 102nd Birthday, Says It 
Was Interfering with Her Job as a Snake Milker
Tea Party Picture Wipes Smile Off
Karl Rove's Fat Fascist Face

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Patrick McHenry wants you to know that
marijuana is a drug made up of 
ground-up kittens, 
stale Fruity Pebbles, 
powdered alcohol,
melted crayons.
The Look on Mike Allen's Face When He Is On the 
Verge of Asking a Tough, Unpredictable Question,
"Mr. President, who does the better 
impression: Will Ferrell of you, 
or Dana Carvey of your father?"
The only time Governor Pat McCrory (R-NC) laughed
harder was when he gutted his state's unemployment
insurance program.
Exposed:  'Agenda 22', the Secret White House Plan
 to Map the Wingnut Brain 
"I always say to people, before you begin to drool at the 
mouth and go crazy and soil your Depend® Adustable
Underwear, read the damn report!"
Do you suppose Scott Brown's wife 
knows he's a 'pocket tweeter'?
Barack Obama, the Puppet Master, Deploys 
Tunneler Against Reporter from The Politico
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #472
Dr. Ben Carson
I Remember Dubya #58
"A long time ago in a galaxy
far, far away."
World's Worst Yoobs #131
Gerri Willis
Will Catholicism, Inc., be Bain Capital's next target?
Of Tail-Gunner Ted it was said, "He is Jim DeMint
without the charm."

Monday, February 18, 2013

“I made a promise to the people of Texas that I would
 come to Washington and put all of you in a psychedelic
 trance using this optical illusion."
Mr. Fancy Feast Sez:  "Believe me:  raising the minimum
 wage will hurt the poor."
"The fact that we rank 49th in mental health spending
goes to show that only one state is saner than Texas. 
 And that's something I'm proud of."