Saturday, February 21, 2009

Puffington Host #1
Obama's First Budgie!
No doubt he was one of the greatest samurais of all
time. But what Japan needed right now was a finance
minister--not someone who was an expert in the use
of bows and arrows, spears and guns, and most of all,
The world's leading authority on crowns has concluded that
no human being in his or her right mind has ever worn such
a useless piece of junk.
For some time, people had suspected Pope Benedict
was rather snotty. Now they had proof.
David Jeselsohn Showing Why an
Ancient Tablet Is Hard to Swallow
Dean Esmay really knows how to multitask. Here we see him
defending the liberal tradition while, simultaneously, live-
blogging the over-the-shoulder feeding of Z, his pet ferret.
Ask these ladies why the red red robin comes bob bob bobbing
along and they are likely to look at you like you are made out
of squid dust.
"Tea Party U.S.A.: The movement grows"
By Michelle Malkin • February 21, 2009 04:16 AM
Flag Desecration #16
One of the favorite stops on the soldier's
daily patrol was Hijabs-R-Us.
Representative Heath Shuler (D-NC), who voted against the
stimulus bill but is now praising it, is one of those politicians
with a brain whose right lobe doesn't know what the left one
is doing.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Ann Coulter is getting cheaper — so why isn't gasoline?
Senior citizen says the only way to save a
fortune on life insurance is not to buy any.
Since Michelle Malkin doesn't think it's out of bounds to
compare Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler, do you think it
would have been out of bounds for Adolf Hitler to compare
Michelle Malkin to Barack Obama?
The good news was that it was no longer
raining cats and dogs. The bad news was
that it was now raining their owners.
World's Worst Jobs #90
Chinese Scrap Metal Custodian
Utah State Senator Chris Buttars Ousted from Two
Committees, May Be Expelled from Fearguth's Hall
of Wackos for 'Going Beyond the Bounds of Wackiness'
Noting the absence of business big shots in the
Obama Administration, The Politico has just
published 'The Obama Cabinet is a CEO Black
Hole'. A more accurate title, reflective of today's
anti-corporate climate, would be 'The Obama
Cabinet Contains No CEO Black Holes--and Ain't
That the Shiznit!'
Unlike Chris Wallace, veteran bird hunters know it's
unwise to visually track the flight path of every
quail you flush from a covey.
ShamWow! Peddler Finding Afghan Market Hard to Crack
World's Worst Yoobs #37
Lucianne Goldberg
George Will’s recent column on global warming, filled with
egregious errors, was, according to the ombudsman at the
Washington Post, "checked by people he personally employs,
as well as two editors at the Washington Post Writers Group,
which syndicates Will; our op-ed page editor; and two copy
editors." In other words, the entire organization thinks
inside the same error-shaped box.
Inept Sean Delonas has ineptly apologized for ineptly
conceiving and executing an inept cartoon which "was
meant to mock an ineptly written federal stimulus bill."
"Ooohhh, so this is how Dittoheads view the world!"

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I Remember Dubya #10
"Back in my hometown of Midland, Texas, the people
say, 'An early bird in the bush gets the worm better
than two hands', or something to that effect."
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #15
Joe Arpaio
Man Issued 50 Traffic Citations in One Day,
Deflects Anger Onto His Poor Little Aveo
"Gakk, cough, cough, cough! Being waterboarded has to
be almost as bad as getting your ass kicked by Syrian
thugs while you're soused in downtown Beiruit!"
Politico's Mike Allen Goes Cuckoo Over Bogus
Washington Times Story

"Kiddo, that Sean Delonas absolutely cracks me up!"

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mountain Goat Celebrating the Third
Anniversary of Bildungblog [As Depicted
on the Front of a 30-Year-Old T-Shirt
Hanging in Fearguth's Closet]
I Remember Dubya #9
After a near-fatal encounter with the logic of pretzels,
Dubya began to perceive the sexual innuendo of
'Steely Dan'.
"Any election in which I get fewer votes than my
opponent has to be, by definition, fatally flawed."
Michelle Malkin Visits Nativist American Reservation,
Gawks for Swastika Man

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Palin's Teen Daughter Wishes Pregnancy Wasn't Caused
by That Naughty Thing Boys and Girls Do When No One
Else Is Around
Senator Gillibrand has moved her guns from under the bed
to the front yard. Her New York neighbors say they all feel
the Second Amendment is now much safer.
"Howard Fineman's going gray, you say? Well, wind
me up and watch me go all lah-di-dah, mofo!"
The Unexpurgated Bible #21
"Behold, thou art fair, my love; thou hast doves' eyes.
So, what's keeping us from getting it on? Even Bristol
Palin realizes Abstinence Only is not realistic."
Former Senate Majority Leader Lurches Forward
to Warn Against the Dangers of Overstimulating
the Sexual Economy
Imagine you are a speechwriter and your next
assignment is to write George Bush's first
post-presidential speech to be delivered
next month in Canada. What words would
you put in his mouth after he says, "Hello,
my name is George Bush and I'm
here to protect you"?
Once again, a flock of goddamn stool pigeons
had given his position away.
Shoichi Nakagawa, Japan's Finance Minister, Loses Face,
Resigns After Episode of Unmanly Public Boohooing
"Since you're paying $340 million for this baby,
may I ask when you are going to kick the tires?"
"Anybody, like Rush Limbaugh, who would pull against
our president is not exactly thinking rationally. All we
really need is a very small nuke dropped on Foggy Bottom
to shake things up like Newt Gingrich wants to do."
"You forgot the Purina Dog Chow, buster!"
World's Worst Yobs #76
J. D. Hayworth
John Podhoretz, the new editor of Commentary,
was not pleased when he learned he now had to
book two seats every time he flies coach.
After leading the United States Postal Service into
the red to the tune of $3 billion last year, Postmaster
General John Potter was rewarded with a $135,000
bonus added to his base salary of $263,575. You may
wish to remember this when the price of postage
goes up again in May.
Dick Cheney Goes to the Mat with George Bush
Over Presidential Pardon for Scooter Libby

Monday, February 16, 2009

"The lousy economy is now hurting George W. Bush in a pretty
direct way: panhandling has slowed down for his presidential
library at SMU, making it difficult for him to meet the $500
million goal."