Saturday, June 28, 2008

World Record: Dude Dives 12 Inches into 35 Feet of Water
Two Arguments for the Elimination of Television
Bill Clinton Heartbroken by Barack Obama's Refusal 
to Kiss His Ass

David Brooks Explaining How to Replace the Bag
in an Intellectual Vacuum
John McCain Refinding His Inner Rebel
When Their Hearts Were Young and Gay
View from the Abstinence-Only Compound
How Ninjas Navigated Before the Invention of GPS
Grover Norquist says Barack Obama is "John Kerry with a tan."
He thinks of himself as Ronald Reagan without a cap.
American Empire #28
State Secrets

Friday, June 27, 2008

In 2012, a U. S. Supreme Court justice was ambushed
and gunned down in Washington, D. C., as he drove
home from work. Ironically, the justice had written the
majority opinion in the landmark Heller decision,
which struck down the city's ban on handguns.
Pizza Patrón

Deviation from the Norm
Messrs. Nasty and Brutish Before
the House Judiciary Committee
(Mr. Short Too Close to the Floor to Be Seen)
"Take it easy, folks! I'm just letting McCain be McCain."
"Did you see what Peggy Noonan wrote about me in the Wall Street
Journal yesterday? She highlighted the antic part of my nature, my
natural wit, my tropism toward comedy. She's right, you know.
I'm the Dennis Miller of septuagenarians."
Who you gonna call when your Playboy Playmate's upset?

Q: What's all the commotion?
A: It's nothing but 500,000 Floridians taking their guns to work.

Ignorance Tops $140 a Barrel; Mad Scramble
Underway for Drilling Rights on People's Heads

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Barnacle on a Rock

Barnacle on the Legislative Branch
Five SCOTUS Catholics Rule It's Constitutional to Use Handguns
to Defend Against Four SCOTUS Protestants and Jews
Mole Rat Prefers to Be Called 'Nude', Not 'Naked'
Owner claims his pet rock, the world's largest, is an extraterrestrial.
They just don't make Marlboro Men the way they used to.
"I apologize when my passion or my freeness and my flawness
of character get in the way of the content of my message. And
when I am in the way of the message then I'm not only apologetic,
I'm downright sorry I'm Michael Pfleger and not George Clooney."
Although he believes the President has the authority to order
someone buried alive, John Yoo doesn't believe any American
President would ever exercise it. Good thing George Bush has
stayed healthy, or John Yoo might have had to change his mind.
Kim Jong-il Wondering Which Rogue State Will Replace
North Korea in the Axis of Evil
New D.C. Freeway to Be Named in Honor of Tony Scalia
Did you know that FISA spelled backwards is 'as if'? Barack
Obama is the quintessential Politician of 'As If'. Concerned
about warrantless wiretapping? Not to worry--Obama will
talk as if he shares your concern. Bothered by retroactive
immunity for law-breaking telecoms? Relax--Obama will
act as if he's bothered, too. Worried about the evisceration
of the Fourth Amendment? Chill out--Obama will behave
as if he's a bigger worry wart than you. Come November,
you might want to follow his example and vote as if you
support Barack Obama for President.
Having a small brain does have its advantages.
Ottmar was reduced to tears, not by the occasion of his
retirement, but by his allergic reaction to green, leafy
If this picture of Esther Slater McDonald seems blurry,
it's because each pixel is a portrait of one of the Justice
Department applicants she screened based on political
or ideological factors.
Students at Pensacola Christian College are forbidden from
performing 'optical intercourse' and 'making eye babies'. So,
don't gaze into the eyes of this winsome lass too intently,
lest ye be screwed.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Lamar Smith (R-TX) doesn't take Scott McClellan too seriously.
Neither does his toupée.
"Peeking duck? Oh, now I get it! HaHaHaHaHa!"
Sarko the Giant More Popular in the U. S. Than in France;
"He Has a Certain Smile Americans Like," Observers Say
The Potrzebie Prize #6
Steny Hoyer Extolled for Hailing FISA Capitulation
as "a Significant Victory for the Democratic Party"
When the last man on Earth died, no one pried the gun
from his cold, dead hand.
Kashmiri Rock Concert
Escher's Cats
Who said dog and panda DNA just won't splice?
John Nance Garner is remembered for saying the vice
presidency wasn't worth "a warm bucket of piss." Well,
if Tim Pawlenty ever holds the office, the bucket won't
even be warm.
Chris Cannon Explodes, Bystanders Slightly
Injured by Flying Shards of Ass
OIG and OPR Confirm Politicization of Hiring at DOJ;
AG Staff Overly Fond of Alphabet Soup, Says FBI

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Dr. Zarkoff Awarded $300 Million McCain Prize for
Building First Rocketship to Fly to Planet Mongo