Saturday, May 19, 2007

Ted Klaudt, 49, a former Republican state legislator from South Dakota,
has been arrested and charged with performing 'ovary checks' and
'breast exams' on two teenage girls. Additional charges of 'playing
doctor' and 'being a big fat idiot' are pending.
The Three Blind Mice were very subdued after their role in the
Farmer's Wife Affair was exposed.
Asked if he would consider replacing Paul McNulty as
Deputy Attorney General, Viet Dinh, a former senior Justice
Department official, replied, "I’d rather trade places
with Jose Padilla!"
Drudge Report Funnies #2
"Bright idea creates '25-hour day'"

"Did you hear, George, what Jimmy Carter said about my
support for you? He said it was 'Abominable. Loyal. Blind.
Apparently subservient'. He's a good example of what the
Nobel Peace Prize does to your manhood. It turns you into
a nancy-boy."
Marco Evaristti would like to invite you over for a can of
meatballs made with his own fat. You can also duck his
sick while you're there.
Xebra Hybrid Car Operates on Cornstalks, 
Leaves, and Twigs
Picture of NSA Engaged in Warrantless Wiretapping
Chameleons Love Cricket and Other Wild Games
Do you ever have the feeling you're surrounded by asses?
This young man undoubtedly has.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Drudge Report Funnies #1
"400-Pound Gorilla Injures 4 in Zoo in Brief Escape"
"By my calculation, Speed, if we push the Mach 5 to the limit,
we can drop Pops' pants off at the cleaners, pick up some
bananas for Chim Chim at Wal-Mart, take Spritle to baseball
practice, have Sparky change the oil, stop at the post office
to mail Trixie's birthday card, and still beat Racer X to the
finish line by, say, a good five to ten hundredths of a second."
DNA Tests Link Rudy Giuliani to Fifteenth-Century Dominican,

Grand Inquisitor Tomás de Torquemada
When Blackie asked if he could invite some
'really cool cats' over for dinner, his Mom said OK.

The rooster sensed the BBQ pit did not bode well for his future.
U. S. Army Forced to Lower the Bar for Sharpshooter Recruits
Rudy Giuliani to Wear Bernie Kerik As Body Armor
Throughout Presidential Campaign
Jerry Falwell Reincarnated As White Velvet Painting
Sarko the Giant After Someone Yelled,
"Simon Says, Take Two Baby Steps!"

In the wake of the Virginia Tech massacre, Palestinians
have voted to allow students to carry weapons to school.

Pointing a loaded finger at his head, Gordon Brown says he
will hold himself hostage until he is named Prime Minister
of England.
Jerry Seinfeld, Star of New Movie, The Pollinator

Thursday, May 17, 2007

For Sale, Cheap
Lot of 3 Uncaptioned Photos of Ex-President of World Bank
President Bush suddenly stopped speaking and clamped his
mouth shut. He had finally realized every word he spoke was
highly classified.
"I categorically deny that an ostrich's eye is bigger than
its brain. That's like saying Karl Rove is bigger than
Bush's brain. How impossible is that?"
Does self-preservation always trump self-respect?
Well, in the case of Alberto R. Gonzales, it certainly has.

Asks Fred Hiatt, editorial page editor of the Washington Post,
"Why is it only now that the disturbing story of the Bush
administration's willingness to override the legal advice of its
own Justice Department is emerging?" Why, Fred? Because
it's difficult to see what's going on when you're always in
President Bush's back pocket.
"Punxsutawney Phil, do you believe in God?"
"Which one?"
"Why, the Only One!"
"Oh, that God. Most definitely not . . . but I do believe in Phil Connors."
Petra Man Gets His Ass in a Crack
If water turning into wine is such a big deal,
what about caterpillars turning into butterflies?
Last Stop in Gulliver's Travels
"You might not ever get rich
But let me tell ya it's better than diggin' a ditch.
There ain't no tellin' who ya might meet
A movie star or may be even an Indian chief.
Workin' at the car wash.
Workin' at the car wash, yeah!"
Model Dreaming She's Appearing in Public
Not Fully Clothed

Ten-month-old Howard Ludwig is the proud owner of a 12-gauge
Beretta shotgun and his very own Firearm Owner's Identification
Card. Bubba, his father (in the blue shirt), says he's happy to
have brought such a law-abiding citizen into the world.
The faster he pedaled, the closer the creature
from Aliens seemed to get.
"Well, if you ask me, I think Paul Wolfowitz and Alberto
Gonzales ought to be turned over to the Spanish Inquisition.
As I understand, they would be used as firewood to burn Karl
Rove at the stake."
Zhou Xiaochuan, head of the People's Bank of China, 
won't admit it, but he actually finds stacking money 
to be extremely boring.
Chinese Find Giant Bird's Nest on Ground,
Decide to Use It As National Olympic Stadium

Who wants a toy gun when you can have the real thing?

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

"If you don't stop sticking your tongue out at me,
I'm not going to give you the blessing of San Anton.
And I told you to raise your right foot, not left."
President Bush's Bike, Post Rapture
Sharp Elbows Come Out in GOP Debate
Instead of Heaven, God sent Jerry Falwell straight to Hell, Michigan.
"Hmmmm, maybe the President will hire me to be the mastermind
behind his 'Let's Fuck Up Iran, Too' strategy."
Paul Wolfowitz Upon Hearing the World Bank
Will Be Cashing Him Out
World's Worst Jobs #39
Eddie Van Halen's Personal Trainer

Dominique de Villepin has resigned as France's Prime Minister.
He says he hasn't yet decided what his next prank will be.