Saturday, April 25, 2015

One of the highlights of the annual
White House Correspondents' Dinner
is Group Tongue Bathing.
U.S. Builds Replica of Iran, Now Trying to Find a Place
 to Store It

Friday, April 24, 2015

Isn't it a violation of the Irony Act for the leader of the 
47 Traitors to also be the leader of the fight to renew the
 Patriot Act?
"I'm tellin' ya, Mugsy, Grandpa Walnuts never laid 
glove on me!"
What Senator Cruz Is Pointing Out Today #18
A Freshwater Pocket Shark
Somewhere Over the Rainbow Jesus,
 Rod Dreher Lies
Video Emerges of Police Not Shooting Unarmed Black Man
After Little Girl Was Asked How She Would React 
If She Found Out Ted Cruz Was Her Father
Big Bigots, Little Bigots #58
Angelo John Gage

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Big Bad John had begun to fear Chinless Mitch's face
was melting.
David Petraeus:  Not Too Big to Fail, But Too Big to Jail
Ted Cruz Leads Charge of the Light Brigade
 But Is AWOL at the Climactic Battle of 
Loretta Lynch
The President needed to kill another terrorist, but he
couldn't remember where he put the remote.
Warm Scuzzies #550
James Caputo
Bobby Jindal Vows to Become the
George Wallace of Same-Sex
Marriage Discrimination

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

"Brother David, Governor Walker is making us look
bad on that rather unpleasant immigration business.  
Wouldn't you agree that the time has come for us to cut 
his puppet strings?"
"Brother Charles, here's a toast to such a capital idea!"
Archaeologist in Charge of Election 
2000 Dig Claims to Have Found
the World's Oldest Hanging Chad
They call Marco Rubio 'The Republican Savior' 
because he alone can save the GOP from all the 
other crank wankers who want to be President.
Dunk, the NSA's Earth Day Mascot, Sez:  "Instead of 
throwing your phone calls, emails, and texts away, we 
recycle them each and every day."
Oklahomans were relieved to learn that 
their earthquakes are caused by fracking, 
not by giant underground carnivorous
"So much space debris!" laments the Earth Day Pessimist.
"So many satellites!" sings the Earth Day Optimist.
"Aiiieee!  I need a wider bicycle seat!"
"Hey. If you criticize my necktie, I'll drop your ass!"

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Warm Scuzzies #549
Steve Knight
Some people at Coachella didn't take drugs; they wore them.
Flag Desecration #86
Steampunk Hippo
The Politico Illustrated #39
'Koch brothers will offer audition to Jeb Bush'
"I am not a quack!"
Local Man Using GoFundMe to Buy His Very Own
Personal Congressman
For Whom the Blue Bell Tolls

Monday, April 20, 2015

Kermit Sues Newly-Discovered Costa Rican
Frog for Trademark Infringement
Fox & Friends Warn of New Form of Pot 
That Is More Dangerous Than You’re Being 
Led to Believe
Four Out of Five Doctors Are 99 and 44/100 Percent Sure 
There Is a 91% Chance Lindsey Graham Will Run for
World's Worst Yobs #327
Peter Schweizer
Bright Bart

Not-So Breitbart
While he is waiting for God to tell him to run for President,
God is waiting for John Kasich to be struck by lightning.
The world breathed a collective sigh of relief when it
learned that being Marco Rubio is not a choice.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

"Obamacare makes America more like North Korea 
and me more like Kim Jong-un."
During the Civil War, it was the Unionists, not the 
Secessionists, who defended the Second Amendment.
Ted Cruz is probably too young to remember that.
Just as horseracing was the Sport of Kings,  political
 campaigning is the Sport of Billionaires.
"The Pink Monster is small enough to fit in your pocket or in 
the palm of your hand, and I guarantee your kids will love it! 
 Available exclusively from my online campaign store, it's
 only $19.95 plus shipping and handling."
"Fox’s Chris Wallace Puts Lindsey Graham on ‘Psychiatrist
 Couch’ to Find Out Why He’s Still a Bachelorette"
The thought of suffocating murderers with nitrogen
gas made Governor Fallin's whole body tingle.
 Diagram That Explains to Children Oklahoma's New Law
Allowing the Use of Nitrogen Gas to Execute Bad Moo Cows