Saturday, July 11, 2009

Young Republicans Elect Racist as President,
Re-Define 'Young' as 'Anyone Between 18 and
a Veteran of the War of Northern Aggression
Still Able to Log on to RedState or Free Republic'
Why does this make sense and
'Not Quite Left' doesn't?
From this bit of insurance industry propaganda,
it's unclear what represents the 'government
takeover of healthcare'. Is it (1) the American
flag, (2) the bald eagle, (3) the sunset over the
sea, (4) the caduceus, (5) the electrocardiogram,
or (6) the scrap of paper inscribed with the word,
Just send all your payments to

Robert Tilton
P.O. Box 025350
Miami, FL 33102

That's all you have to do.
At 6' 2", Megan McArdle has been added to the
Guinness Book of World Records as the tallest
female libertarian to ever blog for The Atlantic.
If you can reach that high, let's all give her a
toast, shall we?
In a comment, DistributorCap has asked: "I wonder
how Sarah Palin crosses her gams?"
Well, DC,
here's how.
A new study theorizes that what ultimately made the difference
in the outcome of the 2008 presidential election was the way
the two candidates crossed their legs: John McCain frequently
crossed his legs like a woman while Barack Obama always
crossed his legs like a man.
The highlight of Spain's annual Homo Rationis
Festival is always the Baby Jumping Contest.
"In my view," says David Brooks, "politicians are all
emotional freaks of one sort or another." If this is the
case, what sort of creature do you suppose makes its
living schmoozing with politicians, talking about
politicians, and writing about politicians?
Tom DeLay's transformation from the
Republican House Majority Leader to
circus clown has been attributed to his
years of exposure to pesticides sprayed
on golf courses he frequented.
Is the function of shoes primarily utilitarian and
secondarily aesthetic? Or vice versa?
What if Glenn Beck didn't have health care?
Now, there's a supposition that has legs!
Why is there a joker in every skulk of Fennecs?
"I CURED My Yellow Teeth!"
David Brooks' Expression While the Senator's
Hand Was Measuring His Inseam

Friday, July 10, 2009

Whether Michael Jackson was the 'King of Pop' remains a
debatable proposition, but it's becoming increasingly
clear that he may well have been, without controversy,
the 'King of Pill Poppers'.
"Call me a 'pussy', you wimpazoid,
and I'll unsex you before you can
say, 'Good Lord, not down there!'"

Who's Nailin' Bailin' Palin?, New Hustler-Sponsored
Porn Flick, Reportedly Inspired by Peggy Noonan's
Wall Street Journal Column
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #54
Blaine Luetkemeyer
Ensign (nsn, -sn) n. a standard-bearer.
[The Senator from Nevada is the Ensign
of the Republican Party
"What the hell is that?"
"Aye Aye, captain!"
"I didn't give you an order, sailor.
I just asked you a simple question!"

Contains 5.00% Alcohol by Volume

Contains 95.00% Republican by Volume
"Then I Died and Joined Gabriel in the Choir Invisible."
Upon arriving in Hell, the first thing David Broder
noticed was how bipartisan it was. Feeling right
at home, he began to build a Heaven in Hell's despite.
Right before our very eyes, one of the most popular
sitcoms of the 70s is being remade. Yes, All in the
Family is back, this time situated on C Street in
DC and starring some of the Republican Party's
best and brightest, like Mark Sanford, John Ensign,
and Tom Coburn.
"Johnny, you can come out now.
The Duck and Cover drill is over."
Deacon Coburn Sez: "What I said to Senator Ensign
is privileged communication that I will never reveal to
anybody. Not to the Ethics Committee, not to a court of
law, not to anybody." Asked if 'anybody' included Jehovah
God Himself, Deacon Coburn replied, "God told me last
night that He respected my Constitutional right to
keep my mouth shut."
Undependable Renegade
There are seven boobs in this picture,
but only one is the offspring of an
inter-species marriage. Can you
tell which one?
Anyone who is genuinely surprised that the CIA would
deceive Congress is either still in diapers or hopelessly
naive. Without lies and deception, the CIA really could
not do the job it was created to do, namely, to lie and
to deceive.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

"Sarge, why aren't there more Afghans willing to fight
for the kind of government we want?"
World's Worst Yobs #109
Eddie Burke
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #53
Steve King
"I love Washington," Tucker Carlson said. "My wife and
all four of my children were born in Northwest. I hope I
never leave. But let's be honest: The city's not ready for
democracy, much less statehood." Asked what form of
government Washington has at present, he replied,
“I put democracy far down the line," Pat Buchanan said.
"I think a devoutly Christian, conservative, traditionalist
country—even if it’s a monarchy—is fine with me.” Even
if the monarch were Barack Obama? he was asked. "I
meant to say 'white monarchy'," he replied.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

In the year 4,009, archaeologists discovered that
there had been some hanky-panky going on at the
G-8 Summit in L'Aquila, Italy, 2,000 years earlier.
"Fellow Freepers, I salute you!"
And in those days, Al Franken was elected Senator from
Minnesota. From that day forward, if Minnesotans
remembered 'Norm Coleman' at all, they imagined
a cookstove used by average campers on trips to
Lake Woebegone.
Why does 'Onward Muslim Soldiers' sound bad to some
people while 'Onward Christian Soldiers' sounds good?
In Afghanistan's acclaimed 'Classrooms Without Walls',
teachers have finally figured out how to keep students
from cribbing answers from each other on tests.

Investigators Discover Gaping Holes in Homeland
Security without Ever Taking Their Shoes Off
Align Center
Bamboo Smugglers Arrested at Washington
Dulles International Airport
Does anyone know when Karl Rove will finally
morph from a grub worm into a June bug?