Saturday, August 04, 2012

Riot Pimp was the only thing
standing between us and the
End of Civilization As We Know It.
When will the Kenyan Usurper show us his
Birthday Certificate?
Sure, Jack Gilchrist is a Romney-class hypocrite, but he 
wants everyone to know that his whining skills were 
developed without the aid of a single dime of state or
federal money.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #404
Mark Clayton
Local Thinker Propounds New Theory That Explains
Why There Are Only 10 Theories About What Mitt 
Romney's Really Hiding in Those Tax Returns
Oklahoma Wildfires Blamed on Climate Change Hoax

Friday, August 03, 2012

Recently-Declassified Photograph #30
Admiral Yamamoto Planning Surprise Attack
on American Religious Freedom
The Ghosts of Penn State's Football Glory Past
Porn star Jenna Jameson and her famous stunt 
breasts announced today that they are endorsing
Mitt Romney for President, adding, "When you're 
rich, you want a Republican in office."
Michele Davis, Former BP Public Relations Flack, Hired to 
Help Contain Romney's Bain Capital Spill
"Hey, buddy!  Wanna buy some Floating Rate 
Structured Repackaged Asset-Backed Trust 
Securities Certificates, Series 2005-2?"
"Hey, Mike!  In the spirit of Nathan's Hot Dog
 Eating Contest, Hooter's Wing-Eating Champion-
ship, and Taco Bell's Soft Taco Challenge, why 
not have a Huckabee's Chick-fil-A® Scarf-a-Thon?"
Despite being a serial polygamist (he's had four wives thus 
far), Rush Limbaugh still has no children. But that may soon 
change.  Rumor has it that he and his current wife are seri-
ously considering adopting a Japanese-made baby-bot.
Warm Scuzzies #313
Stan Heffner
Member of Russian All-Female Punk Trio Says:
  "We Named Our Band 'Pussy Riot' Because
'Girls Gone Wild' Was Already Taken"
Who needs Al-Qaida when all it takes is old people to
steal weapons-grade fissionable materials?

Thursday, August 02, 2012

In the Senate runoff between Ted Cruz and David Dewhurst,
1.1 million people voted.  That's 8.5% of registered voters.
The percentage of eligible voters would have been even
smaller.  That's democracy, Texas-style!
SuperDuper Patriot Claims to Be Able to 
Sing the National Anthem, Recite the 
Pledge of Allegiance, Salute the Flag, 
and Eat Chick-fil-A® Sandwich, 
All at the Same Time
Oprah Debuts Her Real Hare
"I'm here today to prove that not just fat white people
eat at Chick-fil-A®."
Two-Minute Haters #30
Walton Henry Butler
Occam's Blazer
Representative Steve King (R-IA) Sponsors New GOP
'Anguish Only' Bill
Oxymorons for Our Time #133
Ted Cruz's Intellectual Force
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #403
Mike Kelly
Warm Scuzzies #312
John Krenicki

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Occupy Chick-fil-A® Now in Its Third Week
Lindsey Graham Shows Chick-fil-Gay Support on Facebook
Two very important things happened today:  1) it was the 
first annual Chick-fil-A® Appreciation Day; 2)  according 
to Representative Mike Kelly (R-PA), “Today is the day 
religious freedom died in America.”
When he agreed to join the campaign to 'fight obesity',
this wasn't exactly what he had in mind.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #402
Kelly Keisling
"I'll call you 'Bibi' and you can call me 'Mittens'.
"They told me Churchill doesn't live here anymore."
Telling an Italian he has no balls is now a crime.
  Even if he is a eunuch?
The only thing worse than the 'Dullest Campaign Ever' 
is reading a column about it written by the 'Dullest 
Pundit Ever'.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

'Snoop Dogg' Becomes 'Barking Lion'
Autotattoographer Says He Is Running Out of Space
 to Tell His Life Story
Determined not to make the same mistake John McCain
made in 2008, Mitt Romney has chosen one of his Bane 
Capital silent partners---who bears an uncanny resemblance
 to former Vice President Dick Cheney---to vett potential 
vice presidential running mates.
Since the days of the Renaissance, it had been customary for
artists to depict God the Father as a benevolent old man with 
a beard.  In more modern times, God the Father was still 
thought of as an old man with a beard.  But, he was no
 longer benevolent, having become a bankster.
"See that guy over there?  I can tell he is coveting our houses, 
our maidservants and manservants, our oxen and asses.  But, 
most of all, he is coveting your outfit.  Must be a drag queen
with expensive tastes and not a lot of money."
Now that Willard Romney is palling around with one of 
the most famous union leaders in history, can schmoozing
with terrorists be far behind? 
Judging from Mitt Romney's facial expression, Jerusalem
must be a pretty funny place these days.
When you heard his name and saw his face, why
did you automatically think, "Lowell Turpin is
from Tennessee, the same state where Glenn
 Reynolds teaches law?"  Don't you realize that 
stereotyping is wrong? 
Romney Says 2012 Overseas Tour Will
Be Retroactively Cancelled in 2015
Attendees at the Republican National Convention in Tampa
will have to make some tough decisions.  Like, for example,
whether to pay a $20 cover charge for admission to Mons 
Venus, a totally-nude strip club which doesn't serve alcohol.
If Romney spox Rick Gorka is going to tell the press, 
while in Poland, "Kiss my ass!", he could at least say it 
in Polish:  "Pocałuj mnie w dupe!"
When Little Lord Fauntleromney grew up, 
he became a high-school bully.
For some reason, looking at Bill Keller brings the word,
'crapulent', to mind.
The Polish word for Ann Romney's very expensive 
dress is dziwacznywhich means, 'cockamamy'.
Sheldon Adelson Named Jerusalem's 'Combover King'