Saturday, October 08, 2011

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #337
Theresa Cao
World's Worst Yoobs #107
Liz Trotta
"I happen to believe that these demonstrations are planned
and orchestrated to distract from the failed policies of the
Obama administration.  I don't have facts to back this up,
 but as Ronald Reagan once said, 'Facts are stupid things'."
Values Voter Straw Pole Results
Ron Paul 37%
Herman Cain 23%
Rick Santorum 16%
Rick Perry 8%
Michele Bachmann 8%
Mitt Romney 4%
Newt Gingrich 3%
Jon Huntsman .001%

Rightbloggers and Other
Internet Biohazards #109
Bloodthirsty Warmonger
New York Cop Whacks Demonstrator for Calling His
'Baton' a 'Billy Club'
"Bobby Jeffress thinks 'Mormonism is wrong,
a heresy from the pit of Hell'.  He's so tacky!
I think he must be a phagocyte from the belly
 of the beast." 
John McCain had a 'pastor problem'.
His name was John Hagee.

Barack Obama had a 'pastor problem'. 
His name was Jeremiah Wright.

Rick Perry has a 'pastor problem'. 
His name is Robert Jeffress.

You know, if politicians didn't insist on wearing
 their religion on their sleeves, they might not 
have a 'pastor problem.'
These are 'Values Voters' when they are happy.
You should see them when they are sad.
Meet John Hinderaker: 
"Don't let that Southern Baptist preacher get under your
skin, Willard. There are people out there who say that
Reaganism is a cult, too."

Friday, October 07, 2011

"Speaking strictly as a law professor and libertarian from
Tennessee, I have to say you have way too much hair
 on the top of your head."
“I think it’s dangerous, this glass warfare,"
said Mitt Romney.
Asterisks can spice up the most innocent of words. Take, for
example, 'f**k'. No, it's not at all what your dirty mind
is thinking.
Was purported straight shooter J. Edgar Hoover
really a cross-dressing sexual blackmailer? Or
was he just an Opticoid from Planet Singhtra?
The jury is still out.
"We’re very grateful for where we’re at right now. 
We think we are positioned perfectly right now.”
American Empire #54
The decline of the American Empire began when it was
 discovered that the 'Great Eye of Providence'  had
been dislodged from the apex of the Washington
Monument by the earthquake of 2011.
Don't ask, "What would Jesus do?" Jesus is too first century,
too 'Old School', the author of Every Day a Sunday. Ask,
instead, "What would Joel Osteen do?" He's 21st century,
'New School', the author of Every Day a Friday.
With his Amazon Prime membership, he now had free,
unlimited access to over 10,000 videos. Even if each
 were only one hour long and even if he were to view
 them nonstop from now on, it would take him over
59 weeks to watch all 10,000. That's when he
realized that he was the target of a big, gigantic 
global plot to waste his time, thereby preventing
him from discovering the cure for wingnut
If you're looking for a night of low-humidity entertainment,
why not book the Cadillac Desert Quartet for your next
political fundraiser! Composed of Trent Franks, Jeff
Flake, Jan Brewer, and John McCain, this freeze-dried
foursome can make a cow give evaporated milk and
persuade a plum tree to yield prunes. Just imagine
 what they could do to help mummify all those
dead presidents in the wallets of your donors!
Usher in the Vanguard of the Great
Spats Revival of 2011
Uri Geller could only bend spoons. 
Vladimir Putin can bend pans.
"They are saying, Prince Haakon, that the Nonwhite Horde
will soon outnumber us 2 to 1.  Maybe defunding Planned
Parenthood wasn't such a good idea after all."
Harry Reid Exercises 'Flying Disc Option' on Capitol Hill
Bottom Drops Out of Sarah Palin Market,
But Unemployment Holds Steady at 9.1%
If you're thinking about engaging in a bit of domestic
violence but don't want to get prosecuted for it, maybe
you should consider moving to Toperka, Kansas.
SpongeBong SquarePants
World's Worst Yoobs #106
Erin Burnett
"Hi, I'm Senator Scott Brown, and I know
when the people of Massachusetts have
to make a choice between my body and
Elizabeth Warren's, they'll thank God I
took my clothes off and she left hers on."
Carl Sandburg once described Chicago as
'The City of the Big Shoulders'. Were he to
describe Herman Cain, it would be 'The
Candidate of the Little Shoulders'.
"Of course I filled out the FEC 'Statement
 of Candidacy' form by hand.  Real men
don't type!"
"My doctor's diagnosis is that I'm
suffering from 'text neck'."

"That's odd.  My doctor told me the same

Thursday, October 06, 2011

Florida State Representative Ritch Workman Explaining
What's It Like to Be a Mental Dwarf Tossee
The Vampire Squid is an unusual creature that can turn
itself 'inside out' to avoid predators when threatened.
Here we see it before it has been threatened. 

Here we see it after.
“You know if you’re a southern white guy, being intimidated
 by African-Americans, like Herman Cain, is part of your life.”
One way to approach the problem of theodicy is to ask:
Why has God allowed the Grinning Skull to live longer 
than Steve Jobs?
Harold Camping Predicts GOP Messiah Coming Soon
Nevada's GOP Primary Plan May Push Iowa Caucuses 
All the Way Back to December, 2010
"Occupy Wall Street is a criminal mob!
  Occupy Wall Street is a criminal mob!
   Occupy Wall Street is a criminal mob!"
Maria del Rosario Cayetana Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia
Francisca Fitz-James Stuart y de Silva, Age 85,
Cutting a Rug at Her Wedding
Tiger Woods Lands Endorsement Deal with Timex
"We have a right to make a profit.  It's in the Constitution."
Following Sarah Palin's announcement,
Professor Jacobson said:  "If you want
 to know how disgusting our own party is,
and what types of creeps have influence,
witness Erick Erickson. At a moment he
could have shown himself to be a mensch
 he showed himself to be a schmuck!"
Steve Jobs was proof that corporate CEOs don't necessarily
 have to be thieves, frauds, or greedy bastards.

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

The long nights of prayer and days of serious consideration
had taken their toll on Sarah.  She was now just another
aging member of the Over-the-Hill Gang.  Not even
Roger Ailes thought she was hot anymore.