Saturday, June 23, 2012

Mugly Wins World's Worst Canine Combover Contest
Waxy Monkey Tree Frog Denies Using 'Horse Juice' 
to Jump Higher
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #68
Let's Scare Peter King to Death
'Former Asian' Anson Chi 'Goes Galt', 
Is Arrested for Possessing Explosive
If Jerry Sandusky had been tried as a Republican,
the Fox News headline today would read,
 'Sandusky Aquitted on Three Counts!'

Friday, June 22, 2012

Mitt Romney, Outsourcerer
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #396
Kent Clizbe
Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #12
Trey Gowdy
"Rielle, there's something about you that reminds me
of Liz Cheney."
New Poll Shows 63% of Republicans Still Believe Iraq 
Had WMD in 2003, While Only 50% Still Believe in the 
Tooth Fairy
Who, besides fools and knaves, would want to be part of an
 institution held in contempt by 83% of the American people?  
Keep this mind as you vote in this November's congressional 
"Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs.
Scott Fumblebrag!"

Thursday, June 21, 2012

"OK, so you're not Guy Fieri?  You
coulda fooled me!"
Bye-Bye Jesse, Hello Gabrielle!

"Quite honestly, Congressman, I'm so
spaced out right now I couldn't tell the
difference between heroin, marijuana, 
cocaine, and bath salts."
When you consider the case of Denny
Rehberg (R-MT), you come to the
realization that some people simply
cannot be de-kooked.

Romney's Five Sons Describe Him as an 
'Adorable Merry Prankster'
Ron Paul Calls for New Emancipation Proclamation 
to Free Him and 61 Million Other Americans
from Social Security Slavery
Eric Thompson, Online Gun Dealer Linked to Mass 
Shootings, Stiffs 200 Customers, Says He's "Blown 
Away by the Coincidences"

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Roger L. Simon, Sexagenarian Hipster, Asks:  
"Are Liberals the New Squares?"
Warm Scuzzies #302
Michael Lucas

Ken Bennett, Arizona's Secretary of State, now believes
that Barack Obama was indeed born in Hawaii but that the
future president later fraudulently claimed he was born in 
Kenya so that he could get into college.  Since his college
days, Bennett further believes, Obama has spent millions
 of dollars trying to hide this fact.  More and more, it is
becoming clear that Mr. Bennett was shaken as an 
infant and baked as as adult.
Two-Minute Haters #28
David Yarushalmi
Joseph Goebbels Sez:  "Gun control caused
the Holocaust, not Nazis."
Todd Palin to Star in New Reality TV
Show, The Scavengers
Hitler Wannabe Has Moustache Malfunction
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #395
Barbara Espinosa
Congressman Joe Barton Sez:  "I don't want to 
answer that question. That's a clown question, bro."

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Nuns on the Bus Have Steve King on the Run

Michael Steele Sez:  "I look in the mirror every 
morning and I say, 'I like this guy'.”
Modern-Day Fashion Slaves Happy to Pay
$350 for a Pair of Adidas Sneakers
It's difficult to sympathize with Brett McGurk, President 
Obama's failed nominee as ambassador to Iraq, since he
 was a primary architect of President Bush's troop 'surge'
 in Iraq in 2007.
Neil Munro Sez:  "I was just a victim of bad timing."

Conspiracy-Minded Alaska Militia Leader Guilty
 of Conspiracy to Kill Law Enforcement Officers

Monday, June 18, 2012

Is it necessary for light to reflect from the top of Joe Oliver's 
head before you realize that George Zimmerman is a creep?

"Of course, the rent is too high.  But so is the amount of 
time it takes me each day to keep all the hairs on my head
in proper alignment and TV-ready."

J. Neil Schulman Sez:  "How to do you like my
hat?  Wanna see my gun?"

The Unexpurgated Bible #77
And Jesus said, "Anthony Weiner, I still love 
thee even though thou art a Jew with a
smartphone like me."
Jesus has changed quite a bit since he died on the cross, arose
from the grave, and ascended into heaven 2000 years ago.  
Keep this in mind as you await the Parousia.
"Reminds me of when my Mom used to
starch my jeans."
Rumor has it that when he passes on, Thomas Friedman 
will have made arrangements with Virtual Eternity to create
 an avatar that will look like him, talk like him on TV, and
 write op-ed pieces like him for the New York Times for 
an infinite number of Friedman Units.
You get three guesses whether Blake Farenthold is a 
Republican congressman from Texas, and the first two 
don't count.
Rightbloggers and Other 
Internet Biohazards #126
The National Patriot
Portraying 87-year-old Phyllis Schlafly as a 
paralyzed, blind, precognitive mutant on life
support sounds about right.
Drug-Seeking Burglars Snort Dog's Cremains

Sunday, June 17, 2012

World's Worst Yobs #254
Ruben Navarrette
Warm Scuzzies #301
David Nalbandian

"Great Scott, what a hose!"
"Yeah, they call me 'The Hoser'!"

Michigan Man Shoots Self in Crotch with .40-Caliber
 Glock, Won't Be Refilling Cialis Prescription Any
 Time Soon
Local Lout Sez:  "Joe Wilson rules, mofo!"