Saturday, April 16, 2011

David and Charles Koch view politicians as "actors playing
out a script." Part of what they want to do with their billions
 is to "supply the themes and words for the scripts" by
influencing "the areas where policy ideas percolate
from: academia and think tanks." This is true, but only 
partially.  They also want to pour their money directly
into local elections, as they have in Wisconsin. If she were
still alive, Ayn Rand would doubtless write a novel about
the Koch brothers, entitled, Koch Blak.
Japanese authorities are now saying that Blythe Dolls, even
those exposed to 10,000 millisieverts of radiation, will never
equal the destructive power of Godzilla.
US to Change Air Controller Rules:  "No More FAA-Themed
Snuggies Allowed on the Job," Officials Say
"The government is too damn big and I'm too damn small,
so don't tread on me!"
Allegories for Our Time #21
Bird Deciding What to Do Next as Commander-in-Chief
of a Fossilized Cape Buffalo
[h/t:  Betsy]
"I'll be damned, Mr. President!  I had no idea you
enjoyed being Photoshopped as much as I do!"
"Do you understand why all three of you are standing there
 with your arms crossed? If you knew the fundamental
vocabulary of body language, you would know that crossed
arms serve as both a defensive shield and a reassuring
self-hug. This is understandable, given the fact that you're
standing in the presence of the President of the United
States of America, the most powerful person in the world."
Senator DeMint has said he will go "to extreme lengths to
prevent a vote on raising the debt ceiling, even if it hurts
the Republican Party politically."  Asked to give examples 
of which 'extreme lengths' he has in mind, the Senator
mentioned screeching and crying, holding his breath,
clenching his fists, stamping his feet, falling to the
ground and kicking his feet in the air, and 
clamping his eyes shut. 
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #109
Adrian, Jim Hoft, Andrew Breitbart,
Glenn Reynolds, and Dana Loesch
Porky's thoughts turned to love when Petunia
started showing him her favorite Paul Ryan pie
 charts and bar graphs. 
"Feed me! Feed me! Feed me!
Feed me all night long
That's right, boy
You can do it
Feed me all night long
'Cause if you feed me,
I can grow up big and strong!"
World's Worst Yoobs #95
Elizabeth Blackney

Friday, April 15, 2011

Not even Rick Santorum knew that his own presidential
campaign slogan---'Fighting to Make America, America
Again'---had been borrowed from Langston Hughes, the
gay, black, pro-union, pro-immigrant poet, novelist, and
playwright, who was often accused of being a Communist
 or, at least, a Communist sympathizer. But why should
Rick know that?  He's only a candidate for the highest
political office in the land.
"Honey, Timmy is begging for a another margarita."
"Jeez! I thought he only drank sangria."
"Mr. Brooks, the other day you wrote, 'Every few years,
Republicans try to reform the welfare delivery systems to
 make them more marketlike'.  How is making 'welfare
delivery systems' more 'marketlike' different from
abolishing them altogether, as the Republican Party
is now proposing?"
Robin Hood:  Steals from the Rich
and Gives to the Poor

Hood Robin:  Steals from the
Poor and Gives to the Rich
Oxymorons for Our Time #95
Netanyahu Peace Plan
Emil Blatz has been advised that if he wishes
to be a rich man, he must first diversify his
portfolio of needs.
"I look very much forward to showing my
financials, because they are huge. Far bigger
than anyone knows. Far bigger than anyone
would understand."  [His friends say 
'financials' is the euphemism Trump
prefers when referring to his balls.]
"I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had
 a great relationship with the blacks."
Rush Limbaugh was stunned when he learned the language
he uses to call Barack Obama's supporters 'savages' and
 'walking human debris' is a descendant of the mother
 tongue of mother tongues, which arose in Africa
50,000 years ago.  He is so upset, in fact, that he
 is said to be considering eschewing language
 altogether, communicating henceforth only by
means of rude noises and gestures.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

What do you see in this picture: 
Individuals or a Collective?  You
can see both, can't you?  And, if
you had to judge which was superior,
what would you say? If you were
Ayn Rand or Rand Paul, you would
say Individuals are superior to the
Collective, even though it is composed
of other Individuals.   Individuals,
you see, are created equal and,
taken together, constitute the
Collective.  But, you see, some
Individuals are more equal
than others, and are therefore
superior to the Collective.
If you're old enough to remember, you know that 'Flesh' was
the only stick in your box of Crayolas--even if you could afford
 the big one containing 64 colors--that attempted to represent
the hue of human skin.  And even it was something of a weird
 pink, like the color of the cheap salmon your mother bought
in a can to make croquettes on Tuesday night.  Well, times
have changed, and now Crayola offers a box of markers
representing eight different shades of human skin.  And,
as you might expect, the anti-multiculturalists over at
Fox News don't like it.  They prefer to believe they
live in a world where 'Flesh' means a whiter shade
of pale and nothing else. 
He had been warned, more than once, that if he went to
a Bassnectar show, his face would melt. Well, he went.
And it did.
What's the difference between 'GOPer' and 'Gomer'?
That's right, only one letter.
"Remember, boys and girls, vote for Howdy
Doody and Buffalo Bob, the Bamboozle Box
Party ticket in the 2012 presidential race!"
It all got started with the idea of a 'Shotgun Wedding', and
then it just seemed to get out of hand.
For Those Who Haven't Yet Seen the New
Dolly Parton Uplift Bra® with Pigeon
Forge Technology
"I strongly recommend that you place your orders with The
Scooter Store soon, before we merciful Republicans are
forced to put Medicare to sleep."
Donut Lovers Say:  "It takes real chutzpah for the United
States to accuse Iran of 'meddling' in the Middle East."
Governor Tea-Paw Bridgefail had claimed to have a 'Red-Hot
Smoking Wife', but nobody could imagine a woman like that 
ever marrying him.
Verdict Still Out on What Women Will
Attract While Wearing Bacon-Infused
Greedheads Galore #9
Rex Tillerson
I Remember Dubya #48
"Ten years from now, in 2011, we will have
paid down all the debt that is available to
retire. That is more debt repaid more quickly
than has ever been repaid by any nation at
any time in history."
President Accidentally Euthanizes Vice President
The Day Before the Senate Subcommittee on Investigations
Recommended Perjury Charges for Lloyd Blankfein

The Day After
"If you are among the first 100 people to call,
I'll double your order for free!"
New 'Monkeys for Open Carry' Recruiting Poster

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Exploratory Surgeon

Exploratory Presidential Candidate
Dim Bulb Lectures Senate on Why Ayn Rand's Prose in
Anthem Is Incandescent, Not Fluorescent
"Thank you, Ms. Bachmann, for saying what I've always
believed, that LensCrafters is really a front for Big Abortion."
The Eight Stages of Psychosocial Regression
"Doesn't the fool piloting that plane know the runway
is closed?"
"Oh, it's some goofy Okie by the name of Inhofe.  He
 thinks the big red X painted on the runway is part of
 the Global Warming Hoax and just ignores it."
"A recent study from the Bram Stoker Society shows that a
pocket-sized copy of the Constitution works better than either
a crucifix or garlic in fending off vampire attacks."

"When I said 'I am running for President'
 and 'I'm focused on running for President', 
I did not intend for these to be factual
Laurent and Simone Gbagbo Need James Inhofe to Find
 Them a Room in the C Street Evangelical Flop House
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #294
Ryan Sorba