Saturday, May 16, 2009

Obama Administration's New Transparency Policy
Former Onomatologist Dates Loss of Faith
to Day He Learned Roy Rogers's Real Name
Was Leonard Slye
Visitor to Samuel Beckett Archive Accidentally
Steps in Krapp's Last Crap
The Shoes Senator David Vitter (R-LA) Wears
When He Needs Better Traction in Blocking
FEMA Nominees
Were you to subtract all the war years from American
history, you could tell the story of the Home of the
Brave and the Land of the Free in
less time than it takes
to watch a couple of episodes of
Ice Road Truckers on
the History Channel.
Recently-Declassified Photograph #11
Condi Rice's 'Inner Alfalfa' Begins to Emerge
"Ménage à trois over at my place at 9:00. I'll furnish the
Birditos and cuttlebone, ya'll bring the pumice-kabobs
K-Y® Intrigue."
Tired of being pushed around? Well, all you have to
do is 'push back', as they say. Who knows? You may
open the door to a bright new future, or, at the very
least, your local convenience store.
Is Paris Hilton's neck as long as it seems, or
is she really a cleverly-disguised giraffe with
a fondness for small dogs?
Some people can tell the difference between
a 'Concern Troll' and

a 'Concerned Troll'. Most can't.
What if tomorrow you were to learn that you
will die unless you agree to become one of
David Ignatius' chums? How long do you
suppose it would take you to start writing
your Goodbye Cruel World Address?
Newt Gingrich has your balls in his hands.
Imagine what he's going to do next.
History does not repeat itself. What really happens
is that we repeat the same mistakes over and over
and then historians record them again and again.
"Oh God! My Arm & Hammer Ultramax Deodorant
has let me down again!"
“Men kissing each other…it throws me off,”
said Joe the Plumber.
Joe the Plumber

Joe the Plumber's Friend
Who's telling the truth: Speaker Pelosi
or the CIA? Neither. Who's lying?
Though partisanship be loathesome, it may be
what forces, willy-nilly, the Republicans and
Democrats to investigate each other in re
Bush Administration torture principles,
policies, and practices.

Friday, May 15, 2009

GOP Goes Negative on Bo

Will Eek! the Cat Be Next?
"Hello, all you happy people.
You know what? I have 2,700
followers on Twitter.
When I have 3,000, I may smile.
But not until."
We had hoped the difference between the Bush and
Obama Administrations would be like night and day.
So far, it's been more like night and dusk.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

If Dick Cheney Had Been a Clown,
Instead of Vice President

Like Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) says,
"Law is a nicety Republicans sometimes
cannot afford."
This photograph, provided courtesy of the Obama
Administration, shows how prisoner abuse inflames
anti-American sentiment. (If you have difficulty seeing
it, click on the image to see the bigger picture.)
In the long run, it may prove less dangerous to
find a place to stash Gitmo detainees than it
will defecated newspaper publishers like Brian
Tierney of the Philadelphia Inquirer.
As Jurassic Pork might say, "Free gratis, same as in town."
Even if you no longer know whether Jesus loves you,
you can be sure Wubbzy does.
"Remember Seven Days in May, Mr. President? Well,
so long as you understand it was just a movie and
not how things work in real life, we in the military-
industrial complex will get along with you just fine."
Rude Rhymes #11

Fetid Dump

Donald Trump
If one were to name the color of John Boehner's skin,
'Sugar-Smoked Salmon' would be fairly apt.
By refusing to release the detainee abuse photos, President
Obama is next in line to learn the hard way that the
coverup is always worse than the crime.

Chancellor Merkel had no idea how to
muzzle Dick Cheney, either.
Like John Boehner, Countrywide's Angelo
Mozilo is a person of color, albeit one not
found in the natural world.
“What I like about John Yoo," writes Philadelphia Inquirer
publisher Brian Tierney, "is he’s a Philadelphian, he went
to Episcopal Academy, where I went to school, and he has a
master's touch with makeup."
World's Worst Yobs #96
John Solomon
Paleoanthropologists Discover 35,000-Year-Old
Ivory Figurine Representing One of Dolly Parton's
If you meet a Schmekus in the park,
compliment his 'rough helmet' and
slowly walk away.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Smart housewives always reach for the Oust Air
Sanitizer as soon as Newt Gingrich stops talking
and leaves the room.
"Believe me, guys, unless you've watched one of my press
briefings, you've never seen anyone simper like I can."
"Secretary Gates, thank you sooo much for
sacking me and letting me out of this
goddam hellhole!"
NASA scientists have now determined that most illegal
aliens in the United States today are immigrants from
the Sombrero Galaxy.
Rude Rhymes #10

Hoary Sluice

Kenny Lewis
Keith Richards knew it was time to hang up
his axe when he began to resemble

a Muppet.
Andrea Mitchell and the 2,000-Year-Old Randian
make a charming couple, don't you think?