"It's time to Duck and Cover, Blabbermouse!"

"Cut it out, Dumbo!"

Chicago Granny Denies She Was Giving the Nazi Salute,

Says She Was Just Proving She Could Raise Her Arms

 Higher than John McCain

Will Trump ever learn it's unwise to shout "You're fired!" 

in a crowded theater?

Gingrich Goes for the Goebbels, Makes Bid

to Become Minister of Propaganda in the

Trump Administration

Trump Has a Thing for Skinheads

"As a kid, Vince, I wanted to be a boxer, but nobody made

 gloves small enough to fit my hands."

"Ben Quisling, I thank you for your support!"

Donald Trump, Mob Boss

Maggie Gallagher tried to put on a good face for her 

Marco Rubio fantasy, but she didn't have one. 

Updated Portrait of Jesus and His 13th Disciple

 Hanging in Ben Carson's God Complex 

in Maryland

Ben Carson says Donald Trump is 'very cerebral'.  Well,

so's a stroke.

J. Fred Muggs Doing His Daily Devotions for 

Dave Garroway

Scientists Can Now Control Mouse Minds with Magnets, 

Could Have Yoooge Implications for Ben Carson and 

Other Trump Endorsers

Despite the fact the Trojan Elephant had promised to 

make Troy great again, the citizens were still keeping 

the gate of the city closed. Their recent encounter with 

the Trojan Rabbit was still fresh on their minds and 

they were taking no chances.

The Potrzebie Prize #28

Kansas City Star Recipient of High Praise for

Story on the Eradication of the Spelling Bee

Learning that a Furshlugginer Potrzebie = 

a Thousand Kilopotrzebies changed his whole 

outlook on life.

When you visit Trump World, be sure to check out

Tomorrowland.

You can't beat Trump's meat!

"Making one dollar in profit is more pleasurable

 than having one hundred orgasms," he said

 flaccidly.

World's Worst Yobs #352

Leon Wolf

Carly Fiorina Takes Revenge on Ted Cruz the Best Way 

She Knows How: By Endorsing Him for President

Tiny Hands Are Quicker Than the Eye

"If he were a tool, Marco Rubio would be a Banana Handle."

"Whaddya mean 'if'?"

Son of Drumpfinator!

When the GOP implosion documentary is produced, 

Peter Dinklage will play Marco Rubio.

Johnny Jupiter and Major Domo Say Trump's Florida

Infomercial Needed More ShamWow

Gimme a Little Kiss, Will You, Huh?

"As President Cruz's 'Trans Ambassador', Caitlyn, would

you be allowed to use the ladies' room in the White House?"

The Unexpurgated Bible #134

"Now the word of the Lord came unto Jonah the son of Lucy, 

saying, 'Arise, and cry against Trump, for the Mother of 

All Capitulations is at hand!'"

Arrested for throwing flash drives over

the White House fence, Kyle Odom said

his Idaho pastor was not his favorite 

Martian.

The Unexpurgated Bible #133

"And the scribes said, 'Trump hath Beelzebub, and 

by the prince of the devils casteth he out devils'."

Hey, all you Little Populists, there's still plenty of 

room for you aboard the 2016 Trumpwagon!

"Handpicked by Donald Trump, our professors are 

absolutely terrific — terrific people, terrific brains, 

successful, the best."

Khal Trump Sez:  "I will ride wooden horses across the 

black salt water and I will gut the men in Empty Suits 

and tear down their Establishment!"

Israel and the Great Tribulation

"Vote Kasich, or I'll squish this

Annoying Marshmallow!"

Anti-Trump Groups Think He Might Be 'Peeking'

GOP Duel-in-the-Round, 2016

New York Billionaire Will Not Enter Presidential Race

 to Save America From Another New York Billionaire

Return of the Repressed

"Say that again, buster, and I'll crush your nuts!"

The Unexpurgated Bible #132

"But Mary Matalin looked back on Meet the

 Press, and she became a Pillar of Gallstones."

Dog After Perusing 50,000 Pages of Hillary Clinton's Email

"Howdy, podnuh, could you direct

me to the Dog and Pony Show?"

Uh-oh, looks like Mitt Romney is warming up his 

Etch a Sketch.

Meanwhile, Back in One L Land

"That's me when I was a human being."

"Don't forget you all raised your right hands, 

you swore. Bad things happen if you don't 

live up to what you just did." 

If he were a Bible translation, Donald Trump 

would be the Vulgate.