Saturday, October 11, 2008

Fans of The Big Lebowski worldwide ordered another round
of White Russians after hearing that Todd Palin had been
stripped of his title, 'First Dude'. Henceforth, the husband
of the Governor of Alaska will be known as the 'First Dud'.
You could always tell when Sarah Palin was serving
up a lot of red meat to the crowd.
"Senator McCain, isn't it rather odd that I, the only black man
in this audience, am begging you, a white man, to assassinate
Barack Obama's character?"
Saturday Cat Blogging with Vladimir Putin
In 2000, Karl Rove tried to destroy John McCain's reputation,
but he didn't quite finish the job. In 2008, he has.
Sarah Palin's Pet Cougar
World's Worst Jobs #89
Chinese Confiscated Motorcycle Valet
"Help! Help! I'm being sliced and diced!"
World's Worst Yoobs #27
Jennifer Rubin
Dr. Frankenstein in the Laboratory with His Monster

Friday, October 10, 2008

"Senator Ted Stevens' word is sterling, just like
mine was on February 6, 2003, when the only
true words I spoke that day were 'This will be
the lowest point in my life'."
What if you found out you had been predestined by God to be
the NBC test pattern for WNBT in New York? Well, that's
what Tucker Bounds, a spokesman for John McCain, found
out today. This may sound like bad news for Tucker, but it
 could have been much worse. He could have been pre-
destined to remain the puckered asshole that he
already is.
Unfortunately, General Lee arrived 143 Years too late to aid
John McCain's campaign to save the Confederacy of Dunces.
"You think Bill Ayers is 'unrepentant'? Don't make me aarrff!
After I stopped chasing cars--for which, by the way, I don't regret
a moment--I went on to become the official Best Friend of the
Butthole Surfers. Repentance? That word is not in my vocabulary."
"Commander McCain, anytime you want to shout
'Abandon Ship!' will be just fine with me."
Have you ever wondered why there are so few Olympic-class
swimmers in the world? It's because they have to swim so
far upstream to spawn.
Taking time off from his Doughy Pantload duties down on
The Corner, Jonah Goldberg says he will be dealing with the
financial crisis this afternoon by taking his daughter to the
movies to watch Michael Douglas play 'Gordon Gekko'
in Wall Street.
The Senator had heard the voice before, but he had dismissed
it as a mere sound effect. But, this time, there could be no
 doubt he was hearing a voice from the past say, "Have you
 no sense of decency, sir, at long last?"
Christopher Buckley has announced he will vote for Barack
Obama come November. Like his recently-deceased father,
William F. Buckley, Jr., Chris knows what conservatism is. And
it's NOT what is represented by John McCain and Sarah Palin.
It was obvious the 'Don't Mess with Iraq' anti-littering
campaign just wasn't working.
"Isn't anyone going to ask me what my Secret Plan is to
capture Osama bin Laden?"
"Hmm, will the stock market today (1) decline, (2) descend,
(3) dip, (4) dive, (5) drop, (6) plunge, (7) nosedive, (8) skid,
(9) slide, (10) slump, (11) tumble, (12) crash, (13) fall, (14) sink,
or (15) plummet?"
Wasn't Jason Voorhees' mother a 'Hockey Mom'?
Cheap (chēp) adj. 1. of poor quality. 2. worthy of no respect.
3. vulgar or contemptible.
Etiology of PB&J
"McCain so erratic he even scare us Kuna women."
Latest Headwear from the House of Bush:
the Lame Duck

Thursday, October 09, 2008

There are two kinds of Republicans who say Barack Obama is a
'terrorist': first, the Deluded, who really believe that he is, and
second, the Deluders, who don't believe that he is, but will say
anything to keep the Deluded deluded long enough to win the
next election.
"Did you hear the stock market fell 678 points today? That's the
good news. The bad news is that Bill Ayers contributed $200
to Barack Obama's campaign for re-election to the Illinois
State Senate in 2001."
Some rednecks are smart enough to realize that race is a
Republican Party wedge issue they can no longer afford.
Not just employers lowball these days.
Rather than conduct a bake sale to raise funds for 
her husband's presidential campaign, Cindy McCain 
has decided to sell her new cookbook at upcoming
 rallies. It's called The Testicle Cookbook:
Cooking with Balls.
"Gloves on or off, Senator McCain! It doesn't matter to me!"
The Moment the Governor of Alaska Learned Hugh Hewitt's Book,
How Sarah Palin Won the Election…and Saved America, Would
Not Be Published
Clarabell always chortled when Sister Aimee rubbed his tummy.
Much more unsightly than cellulite, a Devo Saddle appears
without warning and is virtually impossible to exuviate.
Rick Davis, chairman of the McCain/Palin campaign, says
 he isutterly mystified why crowds supporting the 
Republican nominees are booing and hissing, chanting
 "Traitor!", "Criminal!", "Terrorist!", and yelling "Kill 
Him!" and "Off with His Head!"
World's Worst Yoobs #26
Nicolle Wallace
"I know this may come as a shock to you, but I’ll be voting
for John McCain on November 4."

"I wonder what my Mom will say if I shout, 'Sarah, you're a hottie!'?"
Senator Norm Coleman (R-MN) has come out of the
closet wearing a Neiman-Marcus suit given to him
by a campaign contributor.
"Across this country, this is the agenda I have set before my
fellow prisoners and the same standards of clarity and candor
must now be applied to my opponent. Yes, my friends, we're all
POWs now!"

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Recently-Declassified Photograph #9
FBI Finally Captures Fearguth the Hothead
(But Only on Film)
Barack Obama, who, disguised as a mild-mannered Senator from
Illinois, will lead the United States in the never-ending battle for
Truth, Justice, and the American Way.
"Remember what Candy told the hunchback in the Terry
Southern novel? Well, that's what Sarah keeps telling me:
'Give me your hump, John, give me your hump!'"
At age 72, John McCain knows his greatest enemy
is not Barack Obama. It's the Law of Gravity.
"I'll fund my health care plan by betting on red.
That leaves green and yellow. Senator Obama?"
"Sarah Palin represents a fatal cancer on the Republican Party.
Me? I'm just a Seborrheic Keratosis."
Republican Breakfast Du Jour:
Bagel with a Schmear of Obama
Popular Republican Party Card Game