Erick the Heresy Hunter Sez:  "Barack Obama

 might as well come out as the atheist/agnostic

 that he is."

RedState Inquisitor Sez:  "Barack 

Obama is not, in any meaningful 

way, a Christian.  Burn him, I

decree, burn him!"

Jeb Bush Accuses Spider-Man of Building Web That Traps 

Poor People in Perpetual Dependence

"Tell me, Ghost of Breitbart Past, isn't the measles 'outbreak'

just a hoax to make us grab our children and obey the

government?"

So, Vladimir Putin was vaccinated for Despotic Russian 

Disorder but came down with Assburger's Syndrome,

instead.  Are the anti-vaxxers aware of this?

Ann Coulter says colleges are 'a left-wing industry that 

spends its days indoctrinating kids to hate Republicans'.  

That's her way of saying 'colleges exist so that education 

might possibly occur'.

If all the potential rapists in West Virginia pay attention

 to what Republican Brian Kurcaba says, they will be

better able to rationalize their behavior, to wit:  "Yes,

raping you is awful, but think of the beautiful child we 

are making together!"

"Oh my God, NO!" Scott Walker wailed as the Mark of

 Morris was tattooed on his forehead.

Brian Williams is now saying his real surname 

is Smellie, after his 18th-century ancestor, 

the obstetrician William Smellie.

Thick-Sweatered Scarborough Assails Thin-Skinned Paul

After leaking his secret guacamole recipe, the University 

of Oklahoma has been blacklisted from any future Jack 

White performances.  As a result, the University has decided 

to move to Texas and merge with Manuel and Theresa's 

School of Hair Design.

'How Bobby Jindal Wrecked Louisiana':  that's Rod Dreher, 

writing in The American Conservative, who now admits 

he was a fool to support the Louisiana governor.  Do you 

suppose exorcism might work to rid the state of this 

ideological demon? 

Mugabe Falls

New York City Subway Riders in 1946 Before Smartphones

Ruined Human Interaction

Obama's Lapdog

Netanyahu's Lapdog

If Kory Watkins and his BFF,  Lieutenant-Governor

Dan Patrick, have their way, the unlicensed open carry

of handguns in Texas will be legal.  Won't that be swell!

Koch Suspends 'Make It Happy' Tweet Campaign

 Designed to Combat 'Pervasive Online Negativity'

Jeb Bush is so mean he even scares Danny Trejo, and he's

the Dean of Mean!

"I'm next!" hollered Reverend Horton Heat, after

hearing that Pope Francis will be addressing Congress.

Here's how to sneak a candy bar in when you go to see

American Sniper at your local theater.  Protip: if you use a 

30-round clip, you can sneak in a Snickers AND a 

Milky Way.

Classic Frantz Fanon Work Now

Available in New Translation for

Auto Mechanics

Rand Paul Trolls Liberals by Getting a 

Left Shark Tattoo on His Right Arm

The cover of this year's Sports Illustrated 

Swimsuit Issue features a topographical 

map showing the foothills at the base of 

Mons Venus.

"Oh my, the Broiled Cthulhu O'R'lyeh with 

Spiced Carrots isn't quite done!"

Whoever substituted 'discount' for 'cut rate' was probably 

the same guy who realized if you sold a $1 item for 99 

cents, people would think they were getting a discount 

and buy two of them.

Truth in Advertising #6

Before Blackout there was

Hot Damn! I'm Smashed!

Man Waiting for 50 Foot Woman to Show Up and Make 

Boiled Crab with Garlic-Vermouth Butter

Got apoplexy?  No?  Well, watch this show!

"Ah, print---the feel of a newspaper, 

the smell of the ink!"

"Is it true, Mr. Horowitz, that under your shirt, 

your skin is covered with 'subversive mosques'?"

Asked about stepping down as co-chair of Sony Pictures, 

Pascal said he would have to think about it.

The next time she heard 'Beep! Beep!' behind her, 

she pulled over.

When a Republican calls you a 'hater', tell him he's 

projecting and he'll start calling you a 'Freudian', 

instead.

Realizing his last name was a 'challenge', Jeb Bush 

decided to change it to Blaszczykowski.

 Like Pavlov's dog, when he heard 'Rand Paul', 

he started salivating for waffles.

Senator Paul Clarifies:  "I did not say vaccines caused

 disorders, just that they were temporally related—I did 

not allege causation."

[Clarification = Didn't screw up enough the first time; let's try again.]

Freddie the Freeloader Sez:  "People often confuse me with 

the Governor of New Jersey.  But I'm an honest bum and 

he's not."

When ISIS burns someone alive, it forces modern Christians 

to look into the distant mirror of the Middle Ages.

He really liked Ted Cruz and the Shutdowners

 and Barry O & the Usurpers. Not unexpectedly, 

they insisted on playing on the same stage on the

 same night at the same time, which was OK, 

so long as you could appreciate the music of 

Charles Ives.

"I'm Snooki and I'm prego!"

"I'm Prego, too!"

Leather Boy Exposes Obama's Willie Horton Plan to

Release All Murderers

Congressman Sean Duffy (R-WI) wants the world to know

 he opposes the pasteurization of families.

Brian Williams' Iraq War stories are as crooked as his face.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #611

Brian Greene

Joan of Arc Thanking Almighty God That

 Christians Were Going to Burn Her at 

the Stake and Not ISIS

Conrad Hilton may face 20 years in prison for wearing

a t-shirt with a flying rodent printed on it.

"Congressman Schock, you may think you're living in 

Downton Abbey, but I think of you more as Mr. Toad

 of Toad Hall."

Bobby Jindal is on the left.  Piyush Jindal is on the right.