Saturday, December 23, 2006

Michelle Malkin was ready to surge.

David Horowitz was ready to surge.

Ann Coulter was ready to surge.

And so they surged, wiping out themselves and all of their
fellow dinosaurs on the planet.
Q: Why does Alain 'Spider-Man' Robert climb skyscrapers?
A: Because they are there.
Q: Why are they there?
A: Because we are here.
Q: Why are we here?
A: Don't ask Alain.
Q: Why?
A: Because he does not know.
Q: Why does he not know?
A: Because he is too busy climbing.
Rocky Balboa Challenges John Rambo to Death Match,
Sylvester Stallone to Referee
Elliott Abrams: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas,
Got Caught, Got Indicted, Got Convicted, Got
Pardoned, and Stole Christmas Again
Santa Claus Declared a Fire Hazard,
Warned to Stay Away from Chimneys
World's Worst Jobs #23
Indian Junk Metal Salvager
Allen Iverson says he had the Nuggets playbook
tattooed on his arms for "ready reference."

Friday, December 22, 2006

Before an Iraqi police commando can assume
responsibility for his country's security, he must eat
a live rabbit. Problem is, rabbits are rather scarce
and very hard to catch in the desert. So it's not all
that surprising why it is taking so long for Iraqis to
supplant American troops.
Bill O'Reilly's Hot-Air Balloon Brigade Still Grounded;
Failure to Lift Off Threatens to Alter Outcome of the
Great War On Christmas
Pajamas Media Blogger Hard at Work
Gathering News on the Street
In keeping with the spirit of the season, it has been
revealed that Flora, a virgin komodo dragon, has
laid fertilized eggs, due to hatch on Christmas Day.
When Hell's Santas rolled into town, the balance of power
in the Great War On Christmas suddenly shifted.
The Great War On Christmas has been a
real roller coaster ride for Santa this year.
In the Great War On Christmas, everybody is trying
to get a piece of Santa's Butt.
Jessica Simpson decides to pay tribute
to Dolly Parton by not singing.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

At first, it was reported that Saparmurat Niyazov,
Turkmenistan's strongman, had died from a heart
attack. But a subsequent autopsy has revealed
he didn't have a heart to attack.
President Bush has suffered what is now being described
as 'just a flesh wound' after being struck by a 'dangerous
hypothetical question.'
On December 18, 2006, only Josef Stalin showed
up to celebrate his 128th birthday.
World's Worst Jobs #22
Javan Cassava Flour Cookie Maker
You would be crying, too, if you were Tara Conner and
had just realized you are a piece of property, owned
by Donald Trump.
Virgil Goode, Republican Representative from Virginia,
has introduced a bill in Congress which will add a few
words to the tablet affixed to the pedestal on which
the Statue of Liberty stands. If his bill becomes law,
the tablet will henceforth read:
"Give me your tired,
your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
except for Muslims,
who should be treated like wharf rats,
and drowned in New York Harbor."
If you were Virgil Goode, Republican
Representative from Virginia, and
didn't want your nuts crushed,

would you be criticizing the religion of Keith Ellison,
Democratic Representative from Minnesota?

Donald Trump, America's Moral Compass
"Would you happen to have an extra Blow Pop? I seem
to have run out."
Secretary Paulson Held Up by Halliburton Gang,
U. S. Treasury Looted
"After watching The View and following the 
inane statements made on the program," writes 
Townhall's Mary Grabar, "I’ve come to the 
conclusion that it really is true what Aristotle, 
Saint Paul, and John Milton said: Women, 
without male guidance, are illogical, frivolous, 
and incapable of making any decisions
beyond what to make for dinner. Which 
reminds me: I need to ask hubby if he would 
rather have lasagna or canelloni tonight."
"The Drudge Report got it right. This photo has obviously
been doctored to make it look like I have 'devil horns'."
Siegfried Grabner is one of the up-and-coming
contenders in the new sport of ski boxing.
"You're right, Hoss. You've thrown a shoe."

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Shamed Tara Conner has been given a second
chance to be ashamed of being Miss USA.
In a last-ditch attempt to revive her moribund career,
Britney Spears has agreed to be the poster girl for
China's celebration of 2007 as The Year of the Sweathog.
At first, the President addressed the Almighty in Aramaic:
"Eli, eli, lama sabacthani?" But there was no answer.
Then, he used King James English: "My God, my God, why
hast thou forsaken me?" Once again, no answer.
Finally, he spoke his native tongue: "Dude, what the fuck?"
That's when the Almighty replied: "Go to hell, George!"
When he was an undergraduate at West Point,
John Abizaid was nicknamed 'The Mad Arab'.
Now that this four-star general, commander of
U. S. forces in the Middle East since July, 2003,
has announced his retirement, he's not only mad,
but he's going to get even.
"Do you, Robert Gates, solemnly swear to never take an
oath while your left hand is resting on the Koran?"
"I do."
President Bush leads the Washington press corp in
singing 'O Come, All Ye Faithful'.
"We need to reset our military," the President said.
So he pushed the Reset Button, and the
War Machine was rebooted.
"We're not winning in Iraq, we're not losing in Iraq.
We're somewhere in between, in the Twilight Zone."
World's Worst Jobs #21
Mexico City Sewer Declogger

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

"Admit it. You know Daniel Henninger is right when
he suggests that the Supreme Court, in the case of
Papish v. The Board of Curators of the University of
Missouri, is responsible for the overuse of the F-word
today. So as I choke the life out of you, fuck you very
much, you fucking motherfucker!"
President Bush is trying to decide which temptation
to yield to next: the urge to purge Karl, the urge
to merge with Condi, or the urge to surge into Iraq.
Just a word of advice to you marijuana users out there.
If the trip to the fields seems to be getting longer and longer
and the load heavier and heavier, you might consider
cutting back and replenishing your stash every other day.
At only $13.50 a bottle, 1600 for Men Exfoliating Power Scrub
is said to be selling quite briskly to neoconservative warhawks
who are now trying to wash the blood of Iraq off their hands.
In a recent interview, George Bush said, "I must tell you, I'm
sleeping a lot better than people would assume." Well, he
may be, but the President can't hold a candle to this kid.
According to an anonymous source on the White House
janitorial staff, President Bush has ordered The Iraq
Study Group Report be substituted for Charmin in the
executive washroom.
Although he lost his Senate race, George Allen still has reason to
smile: 'macaca' has been named the most politically-incorrect
word of the year by Global Language Monitor.
World's Worst Jobs #20
Chinese Industrial Residue Disposal Plant Worker