Saturday, October 03, 2009

"How did I grow these giant pumpkins? Well, son,
have you ever heard of 'Enriched Uranium'?"
A confidential analysis by staff of the UN nuclear
watchdog has concluded that Iran has acquired
'sufficient information to be able to design and produce'
an atom bomb, only 64 years after the United States
did the same thing. Impartial observers are wondering
why it took Iran more than a half-century to try to equal
the United States' ability to kill hundreds of thousands
of people with just a couple of bombs, like it did in
Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945.
"Tom DeLay, if you're such a goddam Dancing with the
Stars hotshot, try this!"
"Bob Woodward is different from you and me."
"Yes, he has more access to egomaniacs."
"I'm sitting on top of the world,
Just flip-flopping along,
Just flip-flopping along."
"'National interest'? Do you honestly think that I,
the world's smallest chameleon, give a flying
fig about 'national interest'? 'National interest'
is a fiction invented by humans, who need it to
believe that they're part of something big,
even bigger than me."
Chasing Tail: Young Man's Fancy,
or Old Man's Horsefeathers?
Leading Indicator Shows Alan Greenspan
in Deepest Depression Since Ayn Rand's
Death in 1982
Find Fearguth in this photo and you could win a
free Bildungblog post of your choice.

"Sorry, Your Highness, but your cammies aren't working
as well as you might think. I can still see your festering
gob as plain as bloody hell."
Good Copper

Bad Copper
Liveblogging Joe McCarthy's Tombstone
12:00 Noon -- There it is.
12:30 -- Still there.
1:00 -- Hasn't moved yet.
1:30 -- Still not moving.
2:00 -- Dead calm, very peaceful.
2:30 -- No signs of life at all.
3:00 -- Gotta go. Will try again next spring.
The Five Rings of Uranus
Chicago Loses Olympics Bid, President of Brazil Weeps
"You seem pretty young, Mr. O'Keefe, so just how
old were you when you started believing you're
the real Youngblood Priest?"
You can always tell when Governor Perry
forgets to wash his hands.
Pepto-Bismol Bandito Strikes Again
Hannah Botana
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #94
Elliott Abrams
Chicago Nuked, Conservatives Cheer
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #24

Friday, October 02, 2009

Warm Scuzzies #18
Ignatius Piazza
Thou art a lamp unto my feet,
and a light unto my pathway.
We Be Brethren
If you claim to be the author of a book actually written
by someone else, isn't that called 'plagiarism'?
A Portrait of the Artist as a Dirty Old Man
Quite fittingly, the top four bestsellers at Amazon right now
are Going Rogue: an American Life, Arguing with Idiots:
How to Stop Small Minds and Big Government, The
Lost Symbol, and How to Survive the End of the World
as We Know It.
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #23

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Benjamin Franklin's Ugliest Great-Great-
Fearguth's Rules of Order #34
Referring to a chimpanzee as a 'knuckledragger'
is considered rude and does not promote inter-
species amity.
"Today's threats work hard at concealing themselves.
We think harder at inventing them."
Play Dress-Up with Glenn Beck!
Shop Joseph A. Bank!
Just thinking about The Lodge made Newt's tongue hard.
When adequately medicated, Glenn Beck seems
relatively harmless, perhaps even a tad sweet.
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #22
Before Glenn Beck came along, the Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter Day Saints had been unsuccessful in converting
other Christian fundamentalists to Mormonism. But
with Beck, the Church now has its greatest apostle to
the Gentiles since Brigham Young.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

"Who's that?"
"Oh, it's John L. Perry, the latest Newsmax 'unpaid blogger'
to be locked out and forced to sleep on the street."
Ken Lewis to Retire as CEO of Bank of America,
Accepts Full Responsibility for the Bank's
New Acid-in-the-Eyes Blue-on-Red Logo
From out of nowhere, public circumcisions have suddenly
emerged as one of Malaysia's most popular spectator sports.
"Hi, I'm Ben Nelson! I was elected to the
United States Senate to prove, once and
for all, that Nebraskans have a great
sense of humor."
"Hey, somebody! Hand me me another Q-Tip!
Otherwise, I'm a goner!"
If you really believed the American flag to be sacred,
you would treat it with the same reverence which
orthodox Jews show toward the Tetragrammaton,
YHWH (which they refuse to pronounce, even when
it's translated into English as 'God'). You would
think the flag is so full of extraordinary power that
touching it would lead to your immediate destruction
and even gazing at it would render you totally blind.

[You say you can still see? O ye of little faith!]
"When hearts are high the time will fly,
So whistle while you work."
Flag Desecration #26
Brazil's César Cielo Filho is generally recognized as the world's
first swimmer to be powered solely by geothermal energy.
"Have I ever told you, Arnold, that my
middle name is 'Gardenzio'?"
Red-Blooded Pacifist