Saturday, January 01, 2011

North Korea's Holiday Message warned of a 'Nucrear
Horocaust', but no one could figure out what that meant
until it was too late.
Joe Miller Concedes in Alaskan Senate Race, Departs for
DisneyLand, Vows to Continue Fighting for Tea Party Values
Alongside the Mad Hatter in Fantasy World
It's really not accurate to say that
Michele Bachmann is 'unhinged'.
Why?  Because she was never
hinged in the first place.
There's only one weapon that will not fail in your
hunt for the Chihuahuan Desert Frog, and that's
the Pentagon's latest weapon,

the Smart Camo Grenade Launcher.
Reasons Not to Go on a Blind Date #2
Your date's idea of a good time may be to immortalize
you as a piece of Red Chinese portable sculpture.
Republican Rules of Thumb #1
Hands Out Good, Handouts Bad
Woo-Hoo Personals #8
Robotic Fish Looking to Hook Up with
Cyborg Equipped with Pocket Fisherman
On the day after the last person who had ever played Donkey
Kong died, no one, except the author, understood the title
of his book.  As a result, his book sales plummeted and he
was reduced to blogging for free and posing for pictures
with plain women, obscure rightists, and bottles of beer. 
Such were the risks of bad puns and historical allusions.
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #97
Iris Somberg, Robert Stacy McCain, and Laura Lieberman
Does anybody know why Carly Fiorina, Linda McMahon, and
Meg Whitman didn't make the cut for the

2011 Great American Conservative Women Calendar?  Bay
Buchanan made it, even though she'll turn 63 this year.  And
so did Michelle Duggar, mother of 19, and Clare Booth Luce, 
dead since 1987.
The good news is that Andrew Cuomo has been
inaugurated as the Governor of New York and
Carl Paladino wasn't.  For the moment, at least,
there is no bad news. 
Unfortunately, his ring finger was longer than his index finger,
so he died from prostate cancer at a relatively young age.
Like President Karzai, the old man longed to
return to the Golden Age of Bush.
Face it, Baby Boomers,
getting old isn't pretty!
Would it be wrong to wish that 2011 will
be an even more disastrous year for
Andrew Breitbart's 'brand' than
2010 was?
He made millions playing silly games with other people's
money.  No wonder Jamie Dimon was smiling.
"We'll get started as soon as Jesus brings the pork chops."
"Maybe if Noah called it 'Jam Cruise',
he could drum up more business."
"Little one, do you know something about the second  
decade of the 21st century the rest of us don't?"
"Dr. Krauthammer, you say Obama's move to the center is
just a ploy to make you look stark, staring mad. Well, if I
may say so, he has more than succeeded!"
German-Only Movement Succeeds in Removing
English Phrases from Signs
"You look bored.  Might I interest you in speculation about
the next 5 Apple gadgets?"
New Year's Day Said to Be Looking Forward
to 11.1.11 and 11.11.11

Friday, December 31, 2010


Caution:  Watching Fox News While Wearing an
iRenew Bracelet Poses a Serious Acid Trip Hazard
Blizzard Causes All 100 Cars in North Dakota
to Pile Up Near Fargo
Zombie Economists to Consider Ethics Code
Very gradually, Ralph Peters began to suspect that
even he had 'leftist tendencies'.
He needed to go really bad, and the hearing
had just begun.
"I like the way you say 'slavery reparations', Steve."
They say Enu Mainigi was hired primarily to style
Rick Scott's hair.
Warm Scuzzies #132
Lanny Davis

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Remember the day when the best media criticism
became nonverbal?
Even Republican pollsters, like Frank
Luntz, are fat.  There's a reason for that,
but he will never ask the question which
would reveal the answer.
Gary Bauer believes Muslims in America are treated better than
Christians.  Well, if he is representative of Christians in
America, it's understandable why that would happen.  But,
in truth, he looks more like someone who should be a
representaive of that very rare sect, the Albino Chameleons.
Although he never talks about the Master of Invective Arts
degree he received from Driftglass University, Stephen
Colbert never fails to put it to good use.
"Dadgumit!  I have a license from the Doghouse Riley
School of Ranting, and I can rant anytime I want to!"
Mitt Romney Accepting Meg Whitman's Challenge to Waste
More of His Own Money in 2012 Than He Did in 2008
If you've ever wanted to see how presidential timber dies
from the top down, take a gander at Mitch Daniels and
Haley Barbour.
Pigs Seek Higher Ground to Escape the Rising
Tide of Haley Barbour/Boss Hog Analogies
"Sure it hurts, but think about how much your kidney donation
is saving the taxpayers of Mississippi.  And, oh, by the way,
Governor Barbour wishes you a Happy New Year!"
"OK, Scott, how much for the flag lapel pin?"
"Well, I ..."
"All right then, a copy of the Book of Mormon
and $5 down. Must be my final offer!"
"Really, it's not for sale!"
"Not for sale, what does that mean? If you're
a Republican, everything's for sale!"
China Announces Beltless Anti-Gravity Breakthrough
"You say I'm descended from wolves? 
Sure, sure, sure, tell me another one!"
Roy Edroso Being Decontaminated After His Latest Descent
into the Right Blogosphere
Alec Rawls, son of the renowned philosopher, John Rawls,
demonstrates the truth of Nietzsche's dictum, namely, that
a married philosopher belongs in comedy.  Or, at the very
least, that the son of a married philosopher is destined
to become a comedian.