Saturday, March 17, 2012

“This will be the new Medicare,” said the sociopath
 and junior Republican Senator from Kentucky, 
Rand Paul.
"Yes, Mr. President, as someone once said, 'The world is 
wide in time and tide and my ass is wide.  So, do not hurry'."
"Tête-à-tête I'm familiar with, but beak-to-beak sounds gay,
perhaps even a tad French."
A Sliver of Hillary

A Tube of Newt

Seriously, how much more politics can we stand?
Remember him?  Well, he apparently decided to give
 Mohandas Gandhi a second look.
"But, Rick, we were the best of friends during the sixteen years 
you were in the House of Representatives and the Senate. 
What has come between us?"
"Although I know it makes my wife and daughters sad for 
me to say this, I'll say it anyway:  even though I believe in 
Intelligent Design, I would still like to know why a man 
only has five fingers on each hand."

Citizen of Waterworld Shocked to Discover Anti-Porn
Crusader Going Topless on Puerto Rican Beach
"What's it going to be like, Professor Sowell, when, after 
you die, you discover that Heaven consists of Allen West, 
Alan Keyes, and yourself performing in The Everlasting 
Minstrel Show, attended only by old white people, like 
Pat Buchanan and Newt Gingrich?"
"Yes, as a Creation Scientist and despite what the pale-
ontologists say, I firmly believe that thesauruses, like 
Thesaurus Rexexisted in the time of Adam and Eve."
Pornography (from Greek πορνείᾳ = 'prostitute' + γραϕος 
'writing'), n.  1.  Anything---books, magazines, photographs,
 records, movies, videos, phone conversations---created for 
the purpose of giving Rick Santorum a stiffy while he is 
unleashing the Hounds of Meese.
"Do you have your Copulator License yet?"
"No.  Do I need one?"
"You're going to if you live in Arizona."
Senator DeMint Sez:  “I think if Americans 
actually find out the truth about our plan to
 abolish Medicare in two years, it will be a
 very big positive for Republicans in the fall.”
Captain Ahab Sez:  "The White Elephant tasks me; 
he heaps me. Yet he is but a mask. 'Tis the thing 
behind the mask I chiefly hate; the malignant thing 
that plagues mankind; the thing that maws and 
mutilates our race, not killing us outright but 
letting us live on, with half a heart and half a lung."
Unwanted Male Pregnancies on the Rise
Warm Scuzzies #271
George Zimmerman
Newt says "the left doesn't be-
lieve the Wright Brothers in-
vented flying."  That's correct:
insects invented flying.  Newt 
also says "the left doesn't be-
lieve Edison invented elec-
tric light."  That's also
correct:  God invented
electric light and called
it 'lightning'.  Newt knows
a lot about the left because
he's a historian.
Alfred E. Neuman Urges Ron Paul to Turn On,
Tune In, and Drop Out
On this St. Patrick's Day, Mitch Daniels reminds us that
Leprechauns are supposed to be cute, not scary.
It's easy to see why Donald Trump 
is an enemy of wind power.
Allegheny Mound Ants, like Mitt Romney, don't wish to
appear ostentatious.  So, when they build a mansion,
most of it is below ground.  
The Angel of Death Wore Cammies
Rick Santorum in Training to Become Stealth Latino
After 91 years, John Demjanjuk---Nazi war criminal---is
finally dead.  And Pat Buchanan is weeping.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Captain Ed Morrissey to Reprise Role of Harry
Lake in Remake of Dick Tracy vs. Cueball
When the Judicial Commission charged him with 
willfully violating the Wisconsin Code of Judicial 
Conduct, Justice David Prosser reflexively responded, 
"What a total bitch!"
Governor Brownback scrubbed his Facebook
 page, but his face remained as ugly as ever.
Two-Minute Haters #25
Bradlee Dean
Brooks Bayne Gets Licked
Rush Limbaugh Sez:  "There’s an army out there that wants 
to be mobilized, and so, I figured, use Twitter for it."
Joyous Japanese Displaying Limbaugh's First Tweet
Governor Brewer Goes to Glamour Shots® 
He says he has always pronounced Boehner as 'boner' and
 sees no reason to stop now.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #372
Bivins Hollar
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #63
Re-Animator 4:  the Revenge of Hackenstein

Thursday, March 15, 2012

World's Worst Yobs #244
Leon Wieseltier
GOP: Old White Elephant in Trouble, Poll Says
Rightbloggers and Other 
Internet Biohazards #118
A shrimp is an invertebrate, i. e., an animal
 without a backbone. Invertebrates constitute 
97% of all animal species. Here we see a 
nice lady and 'Mitt Romney', her pet shrimp.
"If there's 'Cat Blogging', 'Dog Blogging', and 'Ferret
 Blogging', why oh why isn't there any 'Toad Blogging'?"
Gotta Love Paul Ryan's Zombie Eyes!
American League of Lobbyists Hires Lobbyist to Lobby 
Against National League of Lobbyists

Extremely Rare Callipygian Owl Placed 
on Endangered Species List
Little Known Fact #27
Gumby played the English Horn in college.
Ole Perfesser Poophat Celebrates Rape Joke #1,387
"Honey, are we at Peak Wingnut yet?"

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

"My name is Hijo de la Chingada, Señor
Santorum.  If you would like, I will translate
it into English for you."
Assembly Line

Disassembly Line