Saturday, August 31, 2013

Warm Scuzzies #425
Sheriff Mike Byrd
Big Bigots, Little Bigots #22
Elisa Chan
Liz Cheney Sez:  “I am strongly pro-life and I am not pro-
gay marriage.  I believe the issue of marriage must be 
decided by the states, and by the people in the states, 
not by judges and not even by legislators, but by the
 people themselves.”
[Sounds like a call for some vigilante action, doesn't it?]
Like the U.S. Intelligence Community, the stoner always
assessed with 'high confidence'.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Obama Administration's
'Red Line' on Syria
Judge G. Todd Baugh Apologizes for Rape Comments
and for Wearing a Bolo Tie on Casual Friday
"Senator McConnell, when your spokeswoman recently 
 criticized 'a small cadre of fringe friends', was she
 referring to  the United Kentucky Tea Party, Central
 Kentucky Tea Party Patriots, Northern Kentucky 
Tea Party, Louisville Tea Party, Bowling Green
 Southern Kentucky Tea Party, Barren County Patriots, 
Kenton County Tea Party, Northern KY Tea Party, 
or the Bullitt County 'Voices of Independence' 
Tea Party?"
Bill O'Reilly Issues On-Air Apology for Being Bill O'Reilly
Clint Eastwood, Wife Split; "I Got Tired of Him Talking
to Chairs," She Says

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Two-Minute Haters #35
Stan Solomon
Donald Rumsfeld Calls on Colin Powell to Justify
 Attack on Syria
Acquaintances of Steve Lonegan Say They Don't Like 
Him Being a Guy, Say They Would Like Him Better
 As a

Bedlington Terrier
"Mary Jane, what's it like to be the 
world's most popular drug?"

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Nation Stunned to Learn All Seven Members of the Federal 
Reserve Board of Governors Are Millionaires
"Fuck Ben Affleck, Bane!  Let's rock!"
 "Hey, Andy, did you hear what that Bloomberg editor said?"  
"No, Woody, what did he say?"
"He said, 'It's time we let Andy Panda die'."
"What a cock mother!"
"Exactly, Andy!" 
Turns Out, Hot-Air Balloonists Aren't All That Eager to 
Go to Mars
'Bankers Gone Wild' Honcho Calls Sentence 'Absurd',
Says He's Not Going to Jail
August 31, 2013 is International Bacon Day.  Are you ready?
"I've already forgotten the words to 'Bomb, Bomb Iran!', 
Barack, so let's bomb Syria instead!"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #519
David Marsters
Jonah Goldberg Launches New 'Doughy Pantload®' Line
of Boys' Training Pants
Puff the Magic Dragonfly Pursues Happiness and
Catches It
Russian Artist Flees Country After Depicting
Vladimir Putin Combing the Hair of Dmitry
Medvedev with Obviously Fake 'Stunt Breasts'
 How to Photograph a Tarantula from Three Blocks Away
Blank Slate #14
Top Stories from August 28, 2013
"Fox News Mocks Chelsea Manning with 
Aerosmith Song"
"Thanks, Smilin' Bob"
"All Hail the Gin and Tonic"
"Instagram's Banned Tags:  #She Wants the D
Is OK, but #MILF Isn't?"
"All Hail Hushpuppies"
Howie Kurtz Mesmerized by Semi-Nude Pictures of 
Ben Bradlee's Daughter-in-Law on Facebook
Albert Einstein Responds to Miley Cyrus's
Video Music Awards Performance
Syrian President Seriously Considering 'Humorous Air
Strikes' on Weekly Standard
Warm Scuzzies #424
Judge G. Todd Baugh
Warm Scuzzies #423
Stacey Dean Rambold

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Director of DPS Kotexans Steve McCraw Sez:  "I'm tired of
 reading we made this stuff up. Let's get the photos we have to 
members of the media. Does anyone realistically believe 
we would fabricate evidence to support a political agenda? 
[No confiscated jars of urine and excrement.  No photos.
Poopergate poops out.]
Biggest Challenge Facing Sandwich Chefs at Burger
King Will Be Making Sure No More/No Less Than
Four Fries Are Placed Above/Not Below the Meat
 Patty in Each French Fry Burger
"Toobin, not Toolbin!"
James O'Keefe is a:
1) Nasty Little Cowardly Spud,
2) Little Nasty Cowardly Spud,
3) Cowardly Little Nasty Spud
4) Cowardly Nasty Little Spud.
(Pick all that apply.)
World's Worst Yobs #292
Taleeb Starkes
Mark O'Mara Bills State of Florida $300,000 for
Lifting Paving Stone During Zimmerman Trial


Monday, August 26, 2013

Nixon: “What did CBS do? Did they knock my 
Watergate speech?”
Graham: “I felt like slashing their deep throats, 
but anyway God be with you.”
Female Cockamamie Breeding Behavior
Would someone PUH-LEEZE put a cork in Corker?
Surgical Air Strike

Surgical Heart Strike
One Million Roaches Bust Out of 
Chinese Hemp Farm

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Cactus Jack
Hybrid Puritan