Saturday, September 17, 2011

"Do you dress this way for Marcus, or do you have a
lot of Cougar fans in Iowa?"
Andrew Breitbart Needs to Undergo Upper Lip
Augmentation So That He Doesn't Appear to
Be Baring His Teeth All the Time

Said one observer:  "They warmed to each immediately and
were soon addressing each other on a first-name basis."

Geronimo Grater Slide Very Popular Attraction
at Mayberry R.F.D. Amusement Park
According to the latest New York Times/CBS poll, only
6% of the American people believe that the current
members of Congress should be re-elected.  So, in
2012, should we 'VOTE AGAINST EVERYBODY!' or
Wizard of Oz Accused of Fearmongering
on Apple Jacks®
Conan the Librarian Sends Iowa Man to Jail for $770 in
Overdue Library Materials
The Mouse in House Harkonnen
Weeks After Wedding, Royal Lugnut Gropes Blonde
According to a new study, 20% of men never use shampoo or
deodorant.  You'll be happy to know that Commander Bighair
is not one of them. 

Friday, September 16, 2011

"Is it true, Mr. Trump, that when you dine with the Governor
of Texas, you call him 'Jim' and he calls you 'Melvin'?"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #331
Robert K. Brown
New School Policy Allows Students to Communicate
Face-to-Face without Cellphone Intermediation
"Wonder what kind of material Joe McGinniss will gather while
 overlooking Piper's bedroom, my little garden, and the
family's swimming hole?"

Now we know.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Quoting James 2:16, Ron Paul said unto Kent Snyder,
his dying campaign manager,"Depart in peace, be ye
warmed and filled."
New Pew Poll Reveals That White Evangelical
Christians Are Less Likely Than Heathens
and Thieves to Reflect the Teachings of Jesus
The research powerhouse CERN "has embarked on an
experiment aimed at addressing whether or not comic
rays from deep space might be seeding clouds in Earth's
atmosphere, thereby influencing humor change.
Republicans, as usual, are skeptical."
George Buckley, CEO of 3M, Daydreaming
About Becoming the CEO of 4M
The first thing Jesus's disciples had to do was surrender all
their firearms.  As a result, from his original pool of potential
disciples, the number quickly dropped tenfold, from 120 to 12.
"Pardon me, ma'am, but is this your Wooly Booger?"
World's Worst Jobs #123
American Diabetes Manager
A spokesman for Tall Birds Against Perry 
said Thursday he has never forgotten when Rick
Perry--then Texas' Agriculture Commissioner--
said, "Breeding and processing emus represent
a new direction for Texas agriculture.  This is a
product that is raised, processed and manufactured
right here in Texas, which means we are keeping
jobs, opportunities and dollars at home working
for all Texans."  Just a few years later, the
Great Texas Emu Bubble burst, leaving
 Texas investors saying, "Charles Ponzi
was a saint, compared to Rick Perry!" 
"I really don't want to sell family Bibles for a living, Mr.
Broun, but if that's the only way you'll let me marry your
daughter, I'll do it."
Just moments after Pat Robertson said
Alzheimer's Disease was grounds for 
divorce, Dede, his wife, shouted,
"Hallelujah, praise Jehovah!"
and strode out the door.
Gollum Advises Obama to "Fire. Indict. Fight."
If, as Rick Perry is now saying, Social Security is a
'criminal enterprise', there are currently about 53,000,000
retired and disabled Americans who should be behind bars.
 Of course, building and operating enough prisons to keep
old and disabled people locked up will cost much more than 
leaving them on Social Security.  So, maybe they should just
be kept under house arrest.
Daydreamin' Fool on the Hill
There's racial slur-tinged sexual harassment, and then there's
racial slur-tinged sexual harassment by Larry Dominick,
Town President of Cicero, Illinois.  Ugh!
"I literally felt embarrassed for my country when its moral
authority was downgraded because of my eight years as
 Vice President of the United States."
Marriage Vow (Pat Robertson Version)
Q:  "How can you tell the difference between Congress
and lobbying firms?"

A:  "You can't.  That must be a trick question."
To get some idea of how tepid the support is for ANY of
the GOP candidates in the Republican clown car, consider
the latest Bloomberg poll where Rick Perry is leading
Mitt Romney, 26% to 22%, with the rest of the
field getting less than 10% each.  Keep in mind
ALL the respondents in this poll were Republicans
and Republican-leaning independents.  But not
 even they are getting hot and bothered by anyone
in the current crop of presidential wannabes. 
Louie Gohmert has introduced a jobs bill that eliminates
 all taxes on corporation and does not, he hastens to add,
increase regulations on snake handling.
"Michaele, my belle.
Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
Très bien ensemble."
Coulter on Palin: "Let’s Face It, She’s Probably Not Electable"
Palin on Coulter: "Let's Face It, She's Probably Not F**kable"
Michaele Salahi Not Dognapped: She's
in Journey Guitarist's Kennel

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Tareq Salahi Tells Media His Bitch Has Been Dognapped
"If you're saying I can be bought for $5,000, I'm offended."
"What about $50,000?"
"I'm still offended."
"What about $500,000?"
"Now you're talkin'!"
Warm Scuzzies #217
Energy Future Holdings
"If I were you guys, I wouldn't let them use in your
upcoming debates the new camera system that
knows when you are lying."
Even if his campaign to win the GOP presidential nomination
fails, Jon Huntsman will still have the option to star in a new
cable TV sitcom, My Favorite Mormon.
With 46.2 million Americans now living below the poverty
line--the highest number in 52 years--Senator Rand Paul
 tells us not to worry, saying, "The rich are getting richer,
but the poor are getting richer even faster."
"The consensus after the latest GOP debate is that
I have got my jomo back."
Michele Bachmann Awarded Coveted
Derp Turban
Ron Paul Praises Kent Snyder, His 2008 Campaign Manager,
for his 'Sacrifices' for the 'Cause of Liberty', Including
Dying without Health Insurance and Leaving His Mother
with a $400,000 Hospital Bill

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

"Does the HPV vaccine cause retardation? I
have no idea. I am not a doctor. I am not a
scientist. I am not a physician. All I was
doing was reporting what a woman told me
 last night at the debate. In short, I'm just
a rumormonger."
"Pardon me, madam, but have you ever considered
donating your eggs?"
"Ya know, Glenn, with your new beard, you look like
an aging rock star, sorta like Sanjaya Malakar."
Don Surber says many people think Robert Stacy McCain
looks like Rod Stewart.  Yup, that's about right.