Saturday, April 18, 2009

World's Worst Jobs #94
British Extreme Ride Vomit Cleaner
Scott Johnson is thought to be the last man
in America to learn the 'naughty' meaning of
teabagging. Next up for Scott: the 'naughty'
meaning of Johnson.
If you're thinking of taking his picture,
don't ask Mike Allen to stop mugging
for the camera. This is just the way
he looks all the time and he can't do
a damn thing about it.
Brethren and

Hugo Chavez Declares Barack Obama to
Be Sulphur-Fume-Free
There are lawyer jokes and then there are lawyers
who are jokes. Exemplum gratia: David Rivkin.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Off-hand, you wouldn't say Steven Bradbury
looks like a torturer. But looks can
be deceiving, can't they?
U. S. Victory in Iraq War Now in Its Seventh Year;
Generalissimo Francisco Franco Still Dead After
34 Years
Ever wondered what an Asshat looks like?
Statue of Flibberty-Gibberty
"You're traveling through another dimension -- a dimension
not only of sight and sound but of insanity. A journey into a
crazy land whose boundaries are that of fevered imagination.
That's a signpost up ahead---your next stop:
the Fox News Zone!"
Even donkeys don't get along in Afghanistan.
Guatemalan Officials Unable to Explain Why Murderer
Axel Danilo Ramirez Espinoza Is Called 'Smiley'
Jay Bybee, author of one of the torture memos, is
now a judge of the United States Court of Appeals
for the Ninth Circuit. It could have been worse.
It's possible he would now be sitting on the
Supreme Court, using his sophistic skills to
torture the Constitution.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Although there is no truth to the rumor that
he was the Ivory Snow baby, there is some
evidence for the belief that Rod Dreher has
always preferred soap to detergent.
Tea Parties Exposed as Brazen Hucksterism
by Countercultural Entrepreneur
Intellectual Making Sure His Head Is On Straight
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #34
Rick Perry
Texas Governor Diagnosed
with Malignant Calhounism

We've all read, or at least heard of, Homer's Illiad
and Virgil's Aeneid. The same cannot be said of
Jethro's Ponzistein, the first known instance of
Epic Fail in world literature.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Among teabaggers, there are Literalists and Figurativists.
This is a Literalist.
Some people read a dull book to fall asleep.
Others read John Hinderaker's blog.
James Franco Demonstrating How Not
to Be Seen at a Tea Party
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #33
James Hanson (aka Uncle Jimbo)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Michael Chertoff's Body Double Reminds Michelle
Malkin and All Other Rightwing Extremists What
He Said Back on February 18, 2006:
"Don't Fuck with Skeletor!"
Utilizing the new 'fast-track option' for canonizing
saints of the church, Pope Benedict has just named
Rick Santelli
as the Patron Saint of Teabaggers.

When Glenn Beck enunciates the second of his
Nine Principles--'I believe in God and He is the
Center of my Life'--you can better understand

Fox News Headline #3
'Tea Party Protesters Gird for Possible Liberal Backlash'
(Editor: "It's unclear to me if this is supposed to be a picture of
girded Tea Party protesters or possible liberal backlashers.")
Why do you suppose it's so natural for Dana Perino, one
of President Bush's press secretaries, to be hired by
Burson-Marsteller, the global PR firm headed by Mark
Penn, chief strategist for most of Hillary Clinton's
unsuccessful campaign for President? Could it be
Dana, like Mark, only got into politics for the money?
Could be.
Looking at Edward Liddy's face is all it takes to
understand why the CEO of AIG has spent millions
of our tax dollars hiring top guns from Burson-
Marsteller and Hill & Knowlton to burnish his clotted
and lumpen image.
"Game over, Norm! Game over!"
"Oh God, I almost died from that surgical misadventure.
I went in for a routine hemorrhoidectomy and some ham-
handed surgeon removed both of my hermorrhoids instead."
DHS Office of Intelligence and Analysis Releases
Assessment of Rightwing Extremism, Raises Threat
Level to 'Cantaloupe'
If you're going to one of the Tea Parties tomorrow,
you might run into Miriam Grossman. She'll be
easy to spot. Just look for the protester clad only
in a full-length mink coat and stethoscope.
Phil Spector Collides with 'Wall of Sound'
Once Too Often
"If you are planning simultaneous tea bagging all around
the country," says David Shuster, "you’re going to need
a Dick Armey."
After someone reminded him of what happened to the
'good guys' the last time there was a showdown at the
Alamo, Glenn Beck wisely cancelled his scheduled
Tea Party appearance.
Remember how Tom Daschle's malodorous lobbying made
you want to puke? Well, Dick Gephardt's lobbying smells
the same.
Did you know corporate lobbyists can buy
rightwing grassroots by the square yard?

Monday, April 13, 2009

Further Proof That Ostentatious Penitence Is Even
Less Effective Against Smoking Than Nicorette
Mantis Stops Preying, Becomes Umphrey's McGee Fan
As you know, Thomas Paine is being held hostage on the
Glenn Beck Program
for the third straight day. Meanwhile,
President Obama has just announced, “We remain resolved
to halt the piracy of American history by Fox News.
" What
will be the outcome of this protracted standoff? Stay tuned!
Another Red State Klansman Pretends to Repent
First it was General Patton saying, "We are going to go
through Hitler like crap through a goose!" Then it was
acoustic guitar virtuoso Leo Kottke saying that his voice
sounded like "geese farts on a muggy day." No doubt
about it, the time had come to change the rather
negative 'Excremental Vision' of geese so prevalent
in the popular mind. So these fine feathered friends
agreed to hire a lobbyist who, in no time flat, had
altered the public perception of geese to the much
more positive '
Pâté de Foie Gras Vision'.
Obama Pledges to Halt Piracy; Director Gore
Verbinski Jumps Ship, Announces He Won't
Return for Fourth Pirates of the Caribbean Film
Gah! Something's always breaking!
They obviously don't make things
like they did in the good ol' days!
Must be that 'planned obsolescence',
or whatever it is they now call it.
When asked how he thought Governor Palin
looked in her Arctic Cat leathers,

Wayne Anthony Ross, nominee for Alaska's attorney
general, replied excitedly , "She was provocative!
She looked really good, didn't she?"