Friday, February 05, 2016

Trump of God Trumps Trump
Rick Santorum's struggle to name one of Marco Rubio's
achievements shouldn't be blamed on faulty memory.
It's because there aren't any, unless you count 
brandishing a sword and making Jeb Bush blush.

Thursday, February 04, 2016

God created Martin Shkreli to make Ted Cruz look lovable.
Flag Desecration #90
"Lose the leash, buddy!  I was born to be wild!"
Who does Trump think he is---Orange Julius Caesar?
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #168
We Accept All Shekels, Drachmas, Denarii, 
and US Dollars
"Even Jimmy Carter likes me better than Ted!"
America's Largest Cross Begins Construction
 in Corpus Christi, Second Largest Cross 
Still Running for President
Bush Audience in New Hampshire Explains It Couldn't
Yawn and Clap at the Same Time
Going golfing?  Don't forget your balls!
His theory of why television was invented was so more 
people could watch the Miracle Blade III slice through
 wall tiles, hard rubber, and copper pipe.
Don't Call a Spade a Horticultural Implement
Carly Fiorina Thinks Fist of Jesus Will Carry Her to 
GOP Nomination
"Incoming Muslim, sir! Time to duck!"

Wednesday, February 03, 2016

"What's up with the bird?"
"I'm not certain, but I think it heard someone say,
'Rick Santorum frotheth no more.'"
World's Worst Yobs #348
Frank Buckley
Farina Fights to Get Invited to New Hampshire Debate
Little Known Fact #60
Having sex with a mosquito doubles the risk of 
contracting the Zika virus.
On February 9 in New Hampshire, Ted Cruz and Donald
Trump will live free or die.
"Yes, Tom, it's true: deodorant changes more 
than your smell."
Drink Corona!  It's Miles Away From Ordinary
"We simply cannot afford any further delay in
 transitioning from the Voodoo Economics of the
 Reagan years to the Zombie Economics of the 
Clinton era."
Aqua Buddha Turns On, Tunes In, and Drops Out
"To God goes the glory!"
After he completed The Last Supper, Leonardo da Vinci
did The Republican Savior's Last Autograph Session.
"We will carpet bomb them into oblivion. 
I don't know if sand can glow in the dark, 
but we're going to find out."

Tuesday, February 02, 2016

"The next time I hear Ted Cruz exult, 'To God goes the glory!', 
I'm going to re-think my No Flood policy!"
"This is the kind of ice cream cone that changes color
as you lick it.  Watch!"
Mike Huckabee Drops Out of Presidential Race,
Gathers Up Unopened Boxes of Squirrel Helper,
 and Goes Home
God Uses Cruz to Punish Trump in the Same Way 
He Used Nebuchadnezzar to Punish Judah
The Sixties Rise Again!
Carly Fiorina Is a No-Show at Her Own Iowa Caucus Party
The Masque of the Dead Clown
You are about to enter another dimension. 
Next stop, the Rhyme Zone!

Monday, February 01, 2016

"Forward, backward, inward, outward
Come and join the chase
Nothing could be drier 
Than a jolly Iowa caucus race."
Donald Trump Sez:  "There may be somebody with 
tomatoes in the audience. So if you see somebody getting 
ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, 
would you?"
"Incoming tomato, Commander Trump!"
"Shields up!"
Trump Mistakes Communion Plate for Collection Plate
"Urkin Jerkin is going postal around the oval!"
“Well, I was told that this interview is about the caucus 
tonight in Iowa and all you want to talk about is my 
Track record."
Tibetan Mastiff and His Animal Companion
Scary Movie
"Of course, Ted, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is
 lost, if you keep it a secret."

Sunday, January 31, 2016

The Trumpelujah Chorus

Cross-Border Raid Busts Chief Financial Officer, Three 
Vice-Presidents, the Human Resources Director, and 
19 First-Line Supervisors in El Chapo's Drug Cartel
Ex-Bird Brings Knife to
Gun Fight
"I like to make stuff up in two ways: firstly in my normal 
voice and then in a kind of silly high-pitched whine."