"Michael Cohen, you look and talk like a Jersey mobster."

"Says who?"

Disguised as The Flash, Donald Trump distributes 

Louisiana flood relief in record time: only 49 seconds!

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #663

Mark Dice

Unemployed Sign Painter Expresses

 His Economic Anxiety

Trump's Fond Farewell and Long Goodbye to 

Paul Manafort

"Cold, on my mind, yeah

Ice dripping, cold sweat

Ice, Ice dripping, cold sweat."

World's Worst Yoobs #170

Katie McHugh

Trump advisor Joseph Schmitz is not nearly as slick

 looking as his dad, John Schmitz (shown here), who 

had the dubious distinction of getting expelled 

from the John Birch Society for being too extreme.

Double Reverse Psychology

Eric Trump Sez:  "I really like humble Trump."

Will Paul Manafort, International Man of Mystery, now

join Corey Lewandowski at CNN?

"Every 5000 years the worlds align, allowing an ancient 

darkness to strike!"

Donald Trump Finally Builds Wall---Between Paul 

Manafort and Himself

"And I do regret that I didn't grow a beard sooner."

"I'm sorry

So sorry

Please accept my apology

But love is blind

And I was too blind to see."

Trump Adviser Joseph Schmitz Said to Be World Expert 

on Oven Sizes, Particularly Hitler's

"NYC Parks stands firmly against any unpermitted

 erection in city parks, no matter how small.”

"Come and get me, coppers!"

Airlander Makes Maiden Voyage for Big Ass Airways

"If he could speak Italian, Trump could be my stunt double."

"Yes, they're long, and they're gonna get longer unless you 

clean this damn litterbox!"

"We gotta stop with these polls! Look at the size of my pet 

GOP Mascot!"

When Dana Loesch (seen here with Pamela Geller) says

 Stephen Bannon is “one of the worst people on God’s 

green earth,” you know Trump is scraping the bottom 

of a bottomless barrel.

Warm Scuzzies #704

Prager University

"Brewer Says Calling Clinton a 'Lying Killer' Was a

 'Stumble of the Tongue'"

Asherah Cat Being Held Hostage Until Owner

Turns Off Ad Blocker

Trump Says Stephen Bannon Hired for His 

Superb Skill in Making Irate Shadow Animals

Pro-Trump Pastor Darrell Scott Says Trump’s Problem 

with Black Voters Is That ‘Black People Believe Satire’

Blake Shelton Apologizes for Racist, Homophobic

 Tweets; Says They Were ‘Comedy’, 'Sarcasm', 

'Abbreviated Language', 'Caused by 

Earpiece Glitch'

Like Frau Blücher, Kellyanne Conway, Trump's new 

campaign manager, is known for spooking horses.

Stephen Bannon, 'the most dangerous political operative 

in America', has been named CEO of the Trump campaign.  

Do not poke him with a stick: he has 'a very volatile temper'.

"Sgt. Al Baldasaro reporting for latrine duty, sir!"

Why do 'Intelligence Briefing' and 'Donald Trump' sound 

so odd when they occur in the same sentence?

"My least favorite word in the world is 'Kitten'.  So don't 

say it, if you know what's good for you!"

"No, I don't shave.  Shaving is a habit of animals 

who believe they're not animals."

"Damn, the sign says, 'No U Turn'!"

With a glance, the lioness clearly implied

 Trump was putting her cub to sleep.

Why don't we ever say, "I've been working like a cat?"

"What is Rudy saying now?"

"Hard to tell. He's speaking that 'abbreviated language' again."

Old Men with Guns #32

Stanley Vernon Majors

Rudy Giuliani didn't forget 9/11 when he claimed

 there had been no terrorist attacks on American 

soil until Obama became President. He was just 

using 'abbreviated language'.

Roger Stone Pens Op-Ed Fanning Flames of Rigged 

Flying Saucer Abduction Conspiracy

Rogers Ailes to Advise Donald Trump Ahead of Presidential 

Debates in How to Best Sexually Harass Hillary Clinton

Listening to Scott Walker tell Donald Trump how he can

 win in November is like listening to the sound a dog makes 

just before it throws up.

Local Victim of Foot-in-Mouth Disease Said to Be Secret

 Admirer of Katrina Pierson

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III just swallowed his

dog whistle.

Mighty Mouse was about to meet his match.

"How am I doing, Ma?"

'Giuliani Claims There Were No Terror Attacks on US Soil 

Before Obama'

[No wonder Rudy never got the Noun + Verb + '9/11' joke.]

Immigration Reform Plans #4

Trump's Plan for 'Extreme Vetting' of Immigrants

to Include Mandatory Firewalking