Saturday, December 26, 2009

Mile-Long Charlie Sheen Spreads Near Disabled Tugboat
Charlie Lackluster
Before you head out on the highway for some after-
Christmas shopping, how about a McNuggetini to
get your motor running?

Friday, December 25, 2009

"Listen, son, there's no North Pole anymore!
From now on, you either swim to Canada
or you die!"
Would you say this protester is emitting a 'Pear-Shaped
Tone' or a 'Penis-Shaped Tone'?
Orly Taitz's Favorite Prick
"Oh, yeah, we killer whales have always believed
Arnold Stang was funnier than Uncle Miltie."
"No, Friedman."
Pope Pius XII Finally Recognized as Originator
of Gang Sign Tradition
Last Remaining American Bastion of Journalism under Siege;
'Hostile Takeover Threat by Hong Kong-Based Garlic World
Holdings Very Real', Market Analysts Say
So far, we have spent $300 billion on the Afghanistan War.
This averages out to be roughly $1,000 for each of about
300 million Americans. Imagine how many cheeseburgers
we could have purchased with that kind of money!
The Weak in Culture
The Day the Pope Gave Jews the Bird
Even at 10x magnification, Marshall
Wittmann, Senator Lieberman's
spokesman, is hard to see.
Pilgrims Demonstrating Proper Etiquette
for Approaching Marie Callender's Home
Cannon Fodder

Camel Fodder
Despite three years of intense conflict, the Great War
on Christmas has yet to produce a single fatality. Is
this a miracle, or what?
"Protest's over! Time to return you to remote storage!"
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #40
Monica Crowley and Jason Mattera
Merry Axemas!
"I beg to differ, Mr. President. When Dave Garroway
would say, "Peace," he held his hand more like this."

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Was it stupidity, or a talent for misconception?
With Ron Brownstein, one could never know for sure.
"But I don't want to stay in the Seal Motel!"
Michele Bachmann puckered like a Kissing Gourami when the
news leaked out that her family's farm received $251,973 in
socialistic subsidies between 1995 and 2006.
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #100

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

As you may already know, the essential difference
between Leftists and Rightists is the aisle which
separates them. And who's on the Left and who's
on the Right all depends on whether you're walking
up or down the aisle.
Man Having a Smoke While Waiting to Drown
Himself in the River of Conservative Ideas
"Elvis, I hope you understand what 'palimpsest' means."
Not Sold for the Prevention of Disease;
For Entertainment Purposes Only
"I call it my 'Air Force Academy Chapel
Gesture'. I hope you like it."
With the aid of his Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG, this Saudi
Arabian driver has set a new world record in the 210-Mile
Muslim Dash between Medina and Mecca.
The old Afghan claims to remember a day---it was
either a Tuesday or a Friday---when his country
wasn't at war. But nobody believes him.
World's Worst Yobs #148
Mike Flynn
"Where's TBogg?"
"Oh, we left that 'Somewhat Popular Blogger'
over at the Lake."
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #99
It is no secret that the Secret Service is not displeased
that the First Family prefers to vacation in Hawaii,
instead of Crawford, Texas.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Tempest Brewing in Florida Grand Old Tea Party Pot
From DINO to RINO: Parker Griffith and the
Attack of the Acronyms
The Year in Pitchers
Elf Collecting Lumps of Coal for Santa's Shit List
Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #98

Monday, December 21, 2009

Fearguth's Rules of Order #39
While it is rather easy to bore a bear,
don't do it, if at all possible.
It's sad, but true: Pat Buchanan really is more
beautiful than his sister.
It took a while, but most people finally agreed that
James Carville's bald head would look better with
Mary Matalin's hair on it, and vice versa. Also, that
both would be more attractive with beards.
Most people are content to just grin and bear it.
Not Romanians. They also try to make bears grin.
"She must've thought your command
was 'At Ease!', sir."
Spinoza the Pantheist Challenges Douthat the
Monotheist to a Quod Erat Demonstrandum
Empty Arena Deathmatch
"Douthat says that 'We’re beasts with
self-consciousness, predators with ethics,
mortal creatures who yearn for immortality'.
If what he says is true, we're pretty fucked up.
On the other hand, he could just be full of smelly
brown stuff. Anyway, would you mind taking a
little bit more off the top?"
Smoker's Hell
Adventures in Lexicology #1
Hyperventilationism (h'aɪpəʳv'entɪl'eɪʃənɪzəm), n.
The belief that tomorrow's apocalyptic cataclysm
will make today's look like Arcadia and yesterday's
like the Garden of Eden. [Erick Erickson and Michelle
Malkin are prominent avatars of hyperventilationism.]