Saturday, August 25, 2007

"Pssst, Ann! Have you ever heard what The
Book of Mormon says about ectomorphs?"
Mitt Romney Threatens to Kick Terrorist Butt on the Slopes;
Winter Tourism in the Rockies May Suffer
Manufacturer of Trial Balloons Expects Upsurge in
Demand Between Now and November, 2008
Bill Kristol, the editor of The Weekly Standard, is older
than he looks. He just has what is called a 'baby face'.
"I, Ayad Allawi, have paid $300,000 to Haley Barbour, the
Governor of Mississippi, to install me in place of the
democratically-elected Governor of Alabama. And I
expect results within one or two Friedman Units!
Or else!"
"Welcome to beautiful Baghdad, ladies and gentlemen!
Um, sorry I forgot to tell you to duck."
Terry Fator, Winner of America's Got Talent

Glenn Beck, Winner of America's Got Dipshits
"Sieg Heil, Mein Dubya!"
Too late, the BASE jumper realized that 'Camelback'
and 'parachute' were not synonymous.
Jabba the Hutt Undergoing Cataract Surgery
Palestinian Playing Dig Dug

Competition is keen in this year's Congressional Earmark Derby.

Although Bradley Schlozman resigned from
the Justice Department just last week, he
now claims he doesn't recall doing it.
Alberto Gonzales' Recollection Difficulties Traced
to Faulty Memory Module

Friday, August 24, 2007

Politics. Noun, Plural. (from poly='many' and
ticks='bloodsucking parasites'). SEE Dogs.
Hillary Clinton Acting Out How a New Terrorist
Attack Would Benefit the GOP
Most people don't know how to comfort a wombat.
Alex Bautista shows us how.
"Fuck these abs of steel! I'm so hungry right now I
could eat a Triple Meat Triple Cheese Whataburger!"
"George, where did you get that godawful checkered shirt?"
"Welcome, America, to my favorite monument,
Mount Bushmore."
"Yeah, Sarko, it's just as the Bible prophesied about
us: 'There were giants in the earth in those days'."
Scientists say they have no idea why Ted Nugent didn't
become extinct when all the other dinosaurs did.

If you have a pet octopus around the house, did you
know it can be trained to unscrew the caps and lids on
all those hard-to-open bottles and jars?
In the Iraqi meat market, ministers come in eight
grades: Prime, Choice, Select, Standard, Commercial,
Utility, Cutter, and Canner. Nouri al-Maliki, once
graded Prime, was recently downgraded to Canner.
Ted Nugent says he is "almost Ward Cleaver-ish,
but with more guns and enthusiasm."
"When I put my cast up for bid on eBay, Tony,
how much do you think it might fetch?"
"You say you are Gordon Brown's predecessor, eh?
Wait, don't tell me! I'll think of your name in a minute."
Observers say Senator Lieberman's wounds from the
arrows of outrageous fortune are self-inflicted.
New Stone Age Being Bombed Back to the Old Stone Age

Thursday, August 23, 2007

George Bush was almost giddy upon hearing he had been
entered into the Guinness Book of World Records as the
'Most Profoundly Shallow President in American History'.
Lantern Salesman Admits He Can Only Find
His Way Home at Night

Conation is defined as 'the aspect of mental processes or
behavior directed toward action or change and including
impulse, desire, volition, and striving'. In other words, it
is the clinical term used to explain why men of science
feel the urge right now to reach out and touch these tits.
"Hey, I'm not a pin, so why is an angel dancing on my head?"
Drudge Report Funnies #12
The VFW conventioneer hoped her snapshot would do justice
to the President who had done so much to increase
membership in her organization.
Halloween costume retailers are reporting a surge
in demand for Roger Stone and Richard Nixon masks.

Who God Had in Mind When He Created
the 'Greedy Bastard' Species

Roger Stone's ultimate dirty trick was to put his opponents
into a negative light by setting himself on fire.
Accused of carrying a chip on his shoulder, Simone
was able to prove that it was actually Jens Lehmann.

The cyclist had been warned not to get too close to
Roger Stone, the GOP dirty trickster.
Riot Police Heading Upstreet to Spawn

Sam Brownback claims his campaign signs have more
red, white, and blue in them than Ron Paul's.
License Plate for Volleyball Fans
Stephen Colbert Pointing Out the Next Target of His Satire
Mike McConnell, Director of National Intelligence, says
"too much intelligence can make you sad, like me."
When Zombies Play Soccer

Told to 'go fly a kite', he did just that.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

"This is no 'summit'! The altitude here is only 118 feet!"
Robert Novak is at it again. This time he has outed
Peter Potamus, an underwater CIA operative.