Saturday, November 27, 2010

Android = Smart Phone

Randroid = Dumb Bastard
Ear Trumpet

Drinking Trumpet
World's Worst Jobs #115
Indian Garbage Dump Ragpicker
She couldn't win for losing.  Rather than be groped by a
lecherous TSA agent, she opted for a full body scan.  She
was then arrested for peddling smut without a license.
This far along into the Thanksgiving/Shop 'Til You Drop
 holiday, you're probably just about ready for a scoop
of delicious Pepto-Bismol ice cream.

Sources say that a merger between Fox News and The
Onion is imminent.  Inasmuch as they both have been
very successful in making shit up and have become
harder and harder to tell apart, it just makes economic
sense to join forces in the increasingly competitive,
yet very profitable, market in Imaginary Worlds,
Alternate Realities, and Parallel Universes.
Heidi Montag Feels Screwed by Dead Doctor,
Becomes Butt of Necrophilia Jokes
What to Get for the Survivalists on Your Christmas List
Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #90
Ron Paul and Kyle Bristow
"There, there, Mooselini isn't going to hurt you.
She only likes to club halibut."
FBI Foils Would-Be Terrorist Bomber
Without Performing a Cavity Search or
Invading Another Country
Sadly, our vocabulary of opprobrium has lost its potency.
We simply lack words sufficient to express the enormity
 of the mendacity, the idiocy, and the unmitigated evil
of so many of today's politico-corporate actors.

Friday, November 26, 2010

"What's that?"
"Oh, it's just Rush Limbaugh's latest
Sacrococcygeal Fistula Spill."
"Looks pretty nasty."
"It's nasty, alright, but not nearly as nasty as
what comes out of the other end of his carcass."
For years, observers had wondered why Hamid
Karzai had never been seen in public without his
hat.  And then somebody finally put two and two
together to equal ---yes, it's true---
Zippy the Pinhead!
Is it too much to ask how long it will take before the networks
realize the money-making potential of Gurning with the Stars?
Ben Quayle Trying to Interpret the Dream in
Which He Is Elected to Congress Clothed
Only in His Underwear
Insanitized for Your Protection
Greedheads Galore #6
Mukesh Ambani
Michael Steele Shows How to Walk on
Thin Ice as Chairman of the Republican
National Committee
Remember all those great speeches given by President
George Bush?  Many of them were written by Michael
Gerson.  That's why he is known around Washington
as 'The Turdsmith'.
Flag Desecration #36
Turkey Sez:  "If you think Friday looks black, you should
have seen Thursday!"
Pre-Teens Blast NRA for Proposing to Limit Right to Buy
and Carry Guns to 18-Year-Olds and Older
United States Concerned Over WikiLeaks Plan
to Release More Truth
Have you started your Squinkles collection yet? 
No?  Well, what do you think Black Friday's for? 
Get a move on!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #246
Richard Spencer
"Tom DeWho?" said the Rightbloggers.
"Bristol, baby, we may not have won, but we still gave a big
middle finger to all the people out there who hate you and 
your mom!"
To all you turkey shellackers out there,
'Happy Thanksgiving!'
When asked to explain her success on
Dancing with the Stars, Bristol Palin
replied, "I was praying all the time
and just relying on God and
knowing that He is on our side."

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Professor Reynolds was royally pissed when he learned that
Sarah Palin had rejected his proposal to nuke our North
Korean allies.
Texas Bug Man Fumigated
No sooner had "Sooee, here piggy, piggy, piggy!" left Mitch
McConnell's lips before Senator Kyl came a runnin'.
"Aha, just as I thought!  The dummy used
 a colon instead of a semi-colon!"
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #245
Tom Hackbarth
World's Worst Yobs #195
Scott Hennen
Even as a small child, Glenn Beck suffered from
Chronic Epiphora.
Rude Rhymes #40

Woe of Widdershin

Jennifer Rubin
Every citizen in the Republic of Ireland today
 owes $535,000 worth of Lucky Charms to
foreign creditors.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Texas Family Poised to Set New Reindeer-Bagging Record
on the Night Before Christmas, 2010
Pope Justifies Use of Condoms by
Neanderthals, Hints That His Papal
Dispensation May Eventually Be
Extended to Cro-Magnons
Oprah Studio Guests Scream for Free Wasillabillies
 on Her Latest 'Favorite Things' Episode
Backslappers with Dirty Faces #1
Saul Anuzis
TSA Detains Man with Suspicious 'Package'
at Logan International Airport
All conspiracy theories assume a level of human competence
 and cooperation which our experience emphatically
refutes on a daily basis.
Barbara Bush Says It Was
Housekeeper Who Put
Pigs Feet in a Jar