Saturday, January 31, 2009

Will there ever be enough guns to guard
all the flowers in the world?
Yes, Erick, son of Erick, the Red State Strike Force
commander, did execute a coup d'etat against the
Obama Administration. But, unfortunately, it was
in one of those bad dreams where he found himself
parading around in public clad only in Rush
Limbaugh's line of Viagra-inspired
Guatemalan Gladrags.
Just because you're a former Majority Leader of the Senate
and the nominee to be Secretary of Health and Human
Services doesn't mean you're smart enough to know how
to pay your taxes. That's way too much to expect from
someone with that Ted Haggard look.
Katon Dawson dates the beginning of his interest in
politics to the day when he joined the fight against
school desegregation in his home state of South Carolina.
He may date the end of his interest in politics to the day
he was defeated by Michael Steele, an African-American,
to be Chairman of the Republican National Committee.
That date will be easy for him to remember because
on that day South Carolina lost the final battle in
the War for Southern Independence.
Given the choice, would you rather have a
69-year-old head resting atop a classically-sculpted
29-year-old body,

or own a prosperous Mennonite farm in Bolivia?

Frickin' Genius Jeff Goldstein Kicked to
Curb by Pajamas Media; Lefty Bloggers
Say He Won't Be Missed
"Mr. President, don't be alarmed, but I’m disappointed
to see the casual, laissez faire, short sleeves, no shirt and
tie, no jacket, kind of locker room experience that seems
to be taking place in the Obama White House and
the Oval Office eight years from now."
Being nearly normal, Novak heard the phrase, 'economic
stimulus', once too often and reacted accordingly.

Friday, January 30, 2009

House Republicans Stand Up for American Taxpayers at
This Time of Economic Hardship by Spending a Long
Weekend at The Homestead Resort in Hot Springs, Virginia
It was only after his parents heard that boys
with unpopular names are more likely to
break the law that Mr. and Mrs. Yoo decided
to name their son John, instead of Screw.
Justice will not be served until David Addington is
subjected to extraordinary rendition, transferred
to one of the CIA's 'black sites', and compelled, by
means of coercive interrogation techniques, to
confess that Dick Cheney hath wrought in him
all manner of concupiscence.
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #7
Mike Pence

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Illinois Senate Finally Uproots Miracle-Gro Hairdo
That Will Not Die
"So, Secretary Gates, did I hear you say that you injured your
arm while trying to find your ass with both hands and a map,
not before or after?"
Fox News Headline #2
'Limbaugh Cracks the Whip, and
Republicans Get in Line'
John Yoo, Rent-a-Prof and Torture Maven, fears that
closing Gitmo will send him back to the future, where
he will be like he was on September 10, 2001,
a complete unknown.
The Sleepwalker dreamed that if his party would only
explain its 'core values', it could regain majority status
in Washington. If he ever awakens, he might discover
that it's precisely because the people understand his
party's 'core values' that it has been consigned to
minority status for the foreseeable future.
Monument to Liberator of Iraq Erected
in Saddam Hussein's Home Town
World's Worst Yobs #73
Brian Sussman
Grateful Living Selling Travel Packages for
Dead 09 Tour
Physicists Baffled Why Partially-Eaten Peanut Butter
Bread Always Lands on the Floor Salmonella-Side Down
The Politico Illustrated #8
"Bipartisanship on ice"
Dana Milbank is so shallow water striders avoid him.
American Empire #43
"Is it true, Mr. Armey, that even your wife
thinks you're a dick?"
Can you tell the difference between partisan grappling

and post-partisan grappling?
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #6
Jeff Flake

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

All the Fits That Are News to Print
Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #5
John Cornyn
The crowd might have been more sympathetic toward
the fallen footballer had he not been wearing on his chest
the sign of multi-sector collateralized debt obligations
and credit default swaps.
What Happened to the ExxonMobil Tiger After
It Escaped from Corporate Headquarters in
Irving, Texas
If, as he says, Michelle Obama "has this
thing going," Juan Williams must have
a Br'er Fox-in-a-Versace-Suit thing going.
A Loyal Bushie Burrows into Obama's System
World's Worst Yobs #72
Bernard Goldberg
I Remember Dubya #5
Dubya never could hold his liquor, and that's what
endeared him to some people.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Newspaper Unpeels Last Layer of Jobs,
Only a Peal of Ironic Laughter Remains
NBC Still Trying to Sell Super Bowl Ad Spots;
Even Billy Mays Not Buying
Is Rush Limbaugh the new piehole
or the old asshole of the GOP?
The Orifice Police want to know.
I Remember Dubya #4
Down deep, Dubya knew he was a total screwup. But
he also knew that millions of Americans identified
with screwups, total or otherwise. And that's what
kept him going until he helicoptered out of
Washington for the last time.
Target to Cut Jobs at Minnesota Headquarters;
James Lileks Freaks Out, Becomes Leather Boy
Henry Winkler Lookalike Charged with Fonzie Scheme;
Impersonator Reportedly Bilked Happy Days Fans Out
of Billions of Laughs Over Three Decades
Rush Limbaugh will be remembered as
the face of the GOP, the political party
that finally succeeded in making golf as
unpopular as cockfighting, rat baiting,
and other blood sports.
"In answer to your question, Diane, I decided to become
a cheap media whore like you only after I became as mad
as a monkey on a trike and was impeached by the Illinois
House of Representatives."
Halliburton, the world's second-largest oilfield-services
provider, has agreed to pay $559 million in taxpayer
dollars to settle federal charges that employees bribed
officials in Nigeria while former Vice President Dick
Cheney was CEO.
"How long do you think Obama's honeymoon will last?"
"Honeymoon, hell! It wasn't even a one night stand!"
Fred Hiatt always got that 'Lonesome Jones' look right
after he had hired someone 'very smart and very
plugged in', like Bill Kristol, to enhance the diversity
of the Washington Post editorial page.
"Wasn't that a lobbyist who just went through the
revolving door into the Obama Administration?"
"Yeah, Mark Patterson, lobbyist for Goldman Sachs,
is Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner's chief of staff."
"But I thought President Obama had pledged to limit
the influence of lobbyists in his administration."
"Think again."
"Right about here, Mr. Secretary, is where you might say,
'Those who use enhanced interrogation techniques aren't
torturers; they're American heroes who should receive the
Presidential Medal of Freedom'."