"Better mobilize the Swat Team, sir.  

I think they mean business!"

Now that the 48-hour, Condi for Veep boomlet has subsided,

it's time for the 48-hour, Jan Brewer for Veep boomlet.

Karl Marx

Karl Marx's Son, Lionel

"I hope Peggy Noonan is right and Condi saves this

dull election."

The last time Mitt Romney dared to be photographed

with Dick Cheney was 2002.  That was ten years ago,

before Cheney had become more radioactive than

Fukushima.

"Here's a novel idea:  demand that Obama apologize for 

all the lies you've told over the last two years!"

"'Bar codes', you say?  Must be something new."

"Yeah, they've only been around since 1974."

World's Worst Yobs #258

Glenn Kessler

On anybody else, it's just a hoodie.  On Geraldo

Rivera, it's 'thug wear'.

Warm Scuzzies #306

Jennifer Carroll

"Have you ever wondered why my last name

 is 'Grassley'?  Not that many people have 

a surname like Grassley, even in Iowa.

Well, I have no earthly idea.  You don't

either, so you may as well not know

 as I do."

Republican Orangutan

Democratic Orangutan

Pyrrhic Victory

"Of course I'm a sucker, like all the other 

Dwarf Catfishes in this aquarium."

Is this man fishing for a living, living for

fishing, or lost in a reverie about Paul

Tillich's concept of the Ground of Being?

"Pronounce 'Salmon' anyway you wish.  

Just don't say 'Croquette!'"

BILDUNGBLOG EXCLUSIVE!

Bottoms of Mitt Romney's Feet Said to Reveal 

Long-Unknown Secrets of Mormonism

After what happened to Jonathan Krohn, Bill O'Reilly 

doesn't shake hands with short people anymore.

"Hi, everybody!  Are you ready for something

completely different?"

Francesco Schettino Sez:  "Like America, I was a victim

of Manifest Destiny."

Sheldon Adelson Sez:  "How do you like

my new Glamour Shot?"

Q:  Does Mitt's Left Bain know 

what his Right Bain is doing?

A:  Yes.  Both sides know the other

side is lying.

First Americans Arrived Via Land Bridge in Three 

Waves: Second and Third Waves Asked by First

Wave to Show Papers

If anybody wants 'free stuff', Mr. Romney, 

it's a tax dodger like you!

Mitt Romney Trying to Remember Whether It's a Felony

to Lie On a Financial Disclosure Form or to Lie About a

Financial Disclosure Form

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #69

Cloverfield 2:  BOA!  BOA!  BOA!

Warm Scuzzies #305

Daniel Tosh

One of Mitt Romney's 'secret black supporters' was the 

dude playing the organ during his speech to the NAACP.

Kamikaze Golfer in the Rough

Swiss Miss Sez:  "Mitt Romney 

ought to move to Switzerland so

 that he can be closer to his money."

"Why isn't Obama afraid of me like the Republicans are?"

R. Emmett Tyrrell Asks:  "Why is FDR so big and why 

am I so small?"

World's Worst Yobs #257

Joe Kernen

Oxymorons for Our Time #130

Dirty Clean

Not since Cleopatra had such a famous female 

clasped an asp to her bosom.

As you may have already come to realize, 

loving your neighbor as yourself is a damn

hard commandment to keep.

"Hey, I'm Chuck Colson, a dead Christian.  So, if you

don't mind, stop persecuting me!"

Advertising, n.  1.  Commercial lying.

2.  Privatized propaganda.

"When I was alive, I seldom appeared in public 

dressed like this.  But I'm now deceased, you 

know, and so I have dressed accordingly."

Psst!  When was the last time you had a Jolie-

Fil-A sandwich?  Well, neighbor, that's 

way too long!

"Yes, I'm a chameleon, but don't compare me to Mitt 

Romney:  he's a lizard of an entirely different color."

"Head & Shoulders?  Never heard of it!"

"Clearasil?  You've got to be kidding!"

'Statesman of the Year' and His Caddy on the Back Nine

The Day It Rained on The Donald's Parade

Poking her head out of the black Range Rover, the woman

 in the blue chiffon dress shouted, "Is there a VIP entrance

 to the Romney fundraiser?  We're VIP!"  To which the

 official greeter replied, "Yes, ma'am, it's right at the 

top of the ladder." 

Governor Christie Admits War on Obesity a Failure

When your omelet begins to remind you of Matt Drudge,

 you may be taking too many drugs.